Blake, our Cairn Terrier, is due for his checkup. Our vet books him and Sydney (our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) months in advance for their regular visits, so we can plan ahead for the added expense. Each time, I'm reminded that taking care of our four-legged friends isn't cheap. On average, dog owners spend $1,000-2,000 each year per pooch, while cat owners spend about $800 annually.

Have you seen the news about people giving up pets during the recession? Rising home foreclosures are forcing families to relocate—many can't bring their pets with them. It's so sad. In Boston, the ASPCA reported a 45 percent increase of pet owners surrendering animals due to housing and economic concerns, and the number of people giving up their pets from home-loss has doubled. It's not a just a problem in the Northeast, either. Recently, shelters in California and the Pacific Northwest have reported a huge increase of abandoned pets. My brother Ronic, who lives outside Seattle, just adopted a new dog. But, unfortunately, he's in the minority as animal shelters around the country are overflowing with abandoned pets.

Pets are such an important part of our families. We would all be very sad without Blake and Sydney. It's hard to imagine being in the place of owners who have to give up their pets and experiencing the pain they go through. In light of all this, I wanted to share ways to save money and avoid giving up your four-legged family members as the country braces for more economic troubles.

Save on Pet Care
If you use a pet sitter or dog walker, consider sharing their services with a neighbor as a way to split the costs and save money. If you can, try arranging your lunch break so you can go home for a quick "hello" and a walk. 

Remember that you can be creative about reducing costs without sacrificing the quality of care for your pets. As pet owners, we have to balance saving money with making sure our animals still receive the exercise and attention they need.

Cutting Costs at the Vet
Pets need regular doctor visits, shots, and checkups, but you can save money while making sure your animals have all the medical attention they need. Ask your veterinarian if you can work out a payment plan to spread out the costs. You can also make sure your dog has a tailored health plan—not every pooch needs every shot, so make sure she's only getting what she needs. Going for regular checkups is not only good for your pet, but it also helps solve immediate health issues, while preventing them from building into bigger issues (and higher expenses) in the long run.

Also, there are local organizations, charities, and funds to help pet owners pay medical bills. This Care.com article on saving money on pet care gives great tips if you're coming up short on expenses.

Create a Pet Budget
Pet accessories, fancy leashes, and expensive toys can add up quickly. If you're feeling a budget squeeze, make sure your animals have what they need, then cut out the extras. Replace a new plaything with a little extra one-on-one attention and they'll never know the difference.

Make sure you're also scanning the supermarket circulars for coupons and sales. If you can get your brand of pet food at a discount, it'll go a long way toward helping make ends meet.

A "Petcation"
If you find it's too expensive to keep your pet in the home, why not find a friend or relative to temporarily care for them? Instead of giving them up to a shelter or stranger, someone you trust will look after your baby. This arrangement doesn't have to be permanent—think of it as a vacation for your pet. It can also be a chance for another family to experience the joy of pet ownership. Maybe they'll even adopt a companion pet, too!

Pitch in to Help
Shelters are losing funds as sponsorship and donor money dries up. Here in Massachusetts, three animal shelters just closed their doors. There wasn't enough money in the budget to keep them open. This problem will just get bigger as more families are forced to give up their pets.

You can help by supporting your local chapter of the ASPCA. Even better, have Care.com make a $20 donation to the ASPCA in your name—at no cost to you!

We love our pets and want to make sure the have the best care possible. I want to hear how you're saving on pet care these days. Leave a comment and share your tips, hints, and pet stories with the community!

Boo!

I'm happy to announce the 1st Annual Care.com Halloween Costume Contest! We're getting into the spooky spirit over here at Care HQ and wanted to share that fun with everyone.

I've got two Visa gift cards loaded with $100 sitting in front of me as I type. And I can't wait to give them away! One is for the best kids' costume and the other is for the best pets' costume. All you have to do is go to the Care.com Halloween Costume Contest group on Flickr, upload your photos by November 2, and we'll announce the winner in the next week's newsletter.

So snap some shots—if you haven't already—and upload them. We all can't wait to see how creative (and spooky) you can be!

Good luck… and Happy Halloween!

Ron and I want to take advantage of Columbus Day in October with a long weekend away as a family. But, what to do with Sydney, our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and Blake, our Cairn Terrier? It's only for the weekend, and they'd really enjoy coming along, but with the surging popularity of pet hotels, we're also considering our options.

Based on my research (and that of our editorial team), here are my tips for deciding whether hiring a sitter through Care.com or trying a pet hotel is right for your family:

Consider the Cost
One-on-one time at home with a dog walker or sitter is always the best option for your pet, and when combined with house sitting, can even save you money. But, sometimes it's hard to find overnight care (or a pet-friendly people hotel) at the last minute, so a pet hotel ($40-60 per night) is a great Plan B to save you the mental cost of stress and anxiety.

Reservations for a "Pet Palace"
Pet hotels are upscale kennels with loads of creature comforts. Private rooms ($40-60 per night) come with tons of amenities: pet masseuses, room service and play time with treadmills and swimming pools. Wow! When the vacation's over, your best friend might have a better time than you did.

Be Inspector Gadget
Wherever you decide to board, it's important to inspect the facilities in a similar way you'd look for a child's daycare. Is it clean? Is it spacious with good light? Does it smell good? Are there certifications and background checks for the employees? And, maybe most importantly, how's the food?

Know Your Pets' Limits
Not every animal is happy being away from home, no matter how posh the surroundings. We talked to Lisa Katayama, publisher of TokyoMango and a regular writer for Wired magazine who "broke" the pet hotels trend, about checking her Miniature Pinscher, Ruby, into the Wag Hotel in San Francisco. They offered a live, in-room webcam and Lisa spent most of the night watching her puppy's every move. By 2:30 a.m., Ruby was howling inconsolably and Lisa rushed to bring her home. After that experience, Lisa had enough.

"Call me a crazy dog owner," Lisa said, "but I'd rather leave her with a trusted friend than put her in solitary confinement overnight."

No Worries
Camps and hotels give added peace of mind by having experts attending to your furry family members. For example, we talked to PetSmart who launched their PetsHotel offering in 2005. Each hotel has vets on site and every employee has to pass an annual safety certification with a perfect score. With constant "guest supervision," it's nice to know there's always a pair of eyes watching to make sure no one gets their little, wet nose into trouble.

Take a Test Run
Only you can decide if your puppy or kitten will be happy in a new environment. If your pet is a either total homebody or a social butterfly, perhaps they'd be better off staying at home with the personal touch of a sitter. Try checking Care.com for one in your area. If you do want to try out a pet hotel, they often provide free screenings and, in some cases, actually require one. It's a good way for everyone to test the water before booking Fido for the night.

Finding the right place for your pet goes a long way toward giving you peace of mind while you're separated from your best friend (or friends!)

What about you? Do you take your dogs and cats with you on vacation or go the kennel route? Share your experiences with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

Good friends of ours in California just had a baby, and they're worried about the transition for their dog, Button, who's gotten used to being the "only child." It really got me thinking about this trend, where couples are first putting pets at the center of their nuclear family and deciding to have kids later.

Sound familiar?

In his recent book, Dogs, published by DK's Eyewitness Guides, veterinarian Dr. Bruce Fogle commented on this growing phenomenon:

"We live in an era where couples are choosing to have children later on in their lives," Dr. Fogle wrote. "Increased work, commitments, spiraling housing prices, cohabiting, and a general increase in the cost of living often mean that kids can be put on hold. Women may decide to wait until their late thirties to have their own children and, in the absence of the "real thing," the family dog takes on increased significance. It may be treated just like a child; partners in relationships often encourage their dogs to participate in as many aspects of their daily life as possible, including jogging, hiking, even dining with them, and thus create a family unit. The emergence of confident urban gay communities has also created a new sector of dog owners. Almost invariably, couples who don't have children are honest with themselves and their vets when they acknowledge that dog ownership adds glue to their relationships, a common bond, something that both individuals can embrace and care for." (pages 47-48)

Jessica Williams, a Care.com member and the proud mom of two strapping sons, ages two and four, and three happy and well-adjusted dogs, adds her veteran advice for getting the animals ready.

"Don't let the dogs get away with anything," Jessica says. "We stuck our fingers in all the places the kids would—the dogs' ears, eyes, food bowls—tugged their tails, and pet-proofed the areas the baby would be spending the most time, like the couch and floors. Our vet told us that getting rid of dog and cat hair where the baby would be laying or playing was also really important."

Jess and her husband, Luke, their Golden Retriever, Oakley, their Rottweiler-German Shepherd mix, Daisy, and their Cocker Spaniel, Olivia, plus two cats, lived happily for many years before children entered the picture. Once the kids become toddlers, Jess said it was also important for her sons to start learning about pet care responsibilities, and for the dogs to start understanding the kids' place in the food chain—literally.

"We let the kids start feeding the dogs on their own around age two. When we get up in the morning, the boys scoop the dogs' food and put down their water bowl. They love it, and the dogs have more respect for the boys as little "masters."

There are also a plethora of expert guides out there to help with the transition from "family of three" to traditional family. Each celebrity pet trainer has their own specific advice on gradually re-training your dog and getting him used to the new routines and impending chaos of having a baby around the house, and it's also important to gauge your dog's own unique personality and breed temperament.

Check out our editors' favorites:

DogSpeak by Bash Dibra

"Go back to basics and reinforce obedience and simple commands…Later, these commands allow [the dog] to lie quietly at her owner's feet as she feeds the baby, creating additional bonding between [dog] and baby and making [the dog] protective of this new, helpless creature…The dog will catch on, acting as "nanny" and alerting mom to baby's needs and cries." (pages 235-237, on pet preparations during pregnancy and afterwards)

Be the Pack Leader by Cesar Milan and Melissa Jo Peltier

"Remain in control of the dog…and never let the [child] make the first move, [paying] special attention to their behavior (excited, nervous, etc.) If the child's energy just doesn't seem right to you, or if the dog just isn't in the mood, wait. Don't risk it." (pages 263-264, on introducing your dog to a child or a stranger)

Have you gone through the transition from dog as "only child" to having real children? Please share your thoughts and experiences with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

And, for more information on preparing your pets for your baby's arrival, check out this fantastic article, Pets and Babies, by Care.com contributing writer Christine Koh, of BostonMamas.com.

Dear Readers,

I'm saddened by the responses to my previous blog post on helping your kids cope with the loss of a family pet, and troubled both by how it was misinterpreted and feelings that were hurt.  I owe you all a better explanation and an apology.

It's terrible to be faced with the necessity of having to lose or separate from one's family pet, but what I wanted to highlight was the different ways of dealing with the loss, with grieving, and with helping your children heal.  The last part in particular was the mistake I made as a young parent years ago—underestimating our son's need to grieve for the best friend he'd had for the four months that we had Apollo, before giving him to another family we knew (not a shelter.) I was more concerned about protecting my 6 year old from the harsh reality than I was in actually helping him confront it, and I wanted to help other parents not make the same mistake.  Acknowledging loss and giving children a chance to say goodbye is a crucial to step in helping them recover from the loss of a loved one—and it's definitely something I learned the hard way.

Thank you all for sharing your heartfelt and passionate feelings on this subject with me and the rest of the Care.com community. Rest assured that we are passionate about pets and their wellbeing, and, as a team, we value our commitments to our dogs, cats, and other animals as a lifelong relationship not to be entered into lightly.

~ Sheila

When our big guy, Ryan, was about 6 years old, we decided to give away his black lab, Apollo. We were going away for a few months, and we realized we really weren't at home enough to have a dog. We really blew it, though—we decided not tell Ryan about our decision until after we had already given Apollo away.

Ryan never got to say goodbye, and he was devastated. To this day, whenever we see a black lab he'll remind us of how hurt he was.  Ron and I learned our lesson, and now we always make sure to communicate with our kids about the loss of a pet, whether through an illness or a voluntary separation.

For advice on how to talk to your kids about the sensitive topics of pet care issues and coping with the loss of a pet, we interviewed Dr. Shoshana Dayanim, a developmental child psychology expert. Here are her tips:

• If your pet has to be euthanized,…
  "Make sure your child understands that even though you're "putting the dog to sleep", your pet will not in fact be sleeping, and that this is being done to save your pet from pain," Dr. Dayanim said. "This may be a good time to discuss your personal beliefs concerning death, if you deem your child old enough. Whatever you choose to discuss, keep it as simple as possible. If your child wants to know more, she will ask."

• If your pet dies in its sleep,…
  "It's important to remember that, as a parent, you know your child best and know how much information your child can handle," Dr. Dayanim said. "However, try not to underestimate your child by buying a 'replacement' pet to hide the truth that her pet has died. You should also remember that details are not necessary. A good rule of thumb is that if your child doesn't ask, don't tell them.  A young child may ask "why did Max die?" Replying "because he was very, very old and very, very sick" may be enough. When an older child inquires about their pet's death, he may want to know more details about the pet's illness, and may even ask why the pet had to go to the Vet to die."

• If you have to give your pet away,…
  "If your pet can no longer live with you for whatever reason, explain to your child as clearly as possible that the pet needs certain things that you can't give him, and that he will be happier with another family," says Dr. Dayanim. "Be careful not to blame the pet's behavior as the reason for the separation. Another thing to be sensitive about is that your young child may not understand their pet—who may have been a member of the family for as long as they can remember—is any different than they are. It's important to be careful when using terms like "put to sleep" or "getting rid of." You don't want your child to be afraid that they, too, will be "put to sleep" if they are sick or that you will "get rid of" them if they do something wrong."

Plus, if you're currently dealing with the loss of a family pet—or might be soon—check out these wonderful books, selected by our animal-loving editorial team:

Dog Chapel by Stephen Huneck
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A wonderfully illustrated book about the real-life animal memorial built by author Stephen Huneck in his hometown of St. Johnsbury, Vermont, Dog Chapel celebrates the love, memories, and adventures we share with those beloved family members—our dogs. A tear-out frame is included in the back of every book, which your kids can fill with their own pet's picture and send to the chapel to join his or her fellow canine comrades on the chapel's Remembrance Wall.

Good-bye, Baby Max by Diane Cantrell and Heather Castles
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

Students in a Texas kindergarten class have a sad day when they find out that Max, one of the three baby chicks they've been watching as classroom pets, has died. Written by a former kindergarten teacher and family counselor, this book moves through several valuable lessons for kids about life, death, and the responsibility of caring for a pet.

I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

Describing the circle of life with sweetness and humor, this book follows the life of Elfie, a dachshund, as she moves from sprightly puppy to senior dog alongside the boy who loves her, and who tells her every night "I will always love you." When Elfie doesn't wake up one morning, the family buries her in the backyard, and the boy promises that one day, when he's ready for another dog, he will make that dog feel just as special.

Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinne Demas and Ard Hoyt
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

An accessible story about Lulu, a black-and-white mutt, and the little girl who loves her, this book follows a family as they care for an aging and then very sick dog. When Lulu eventually passes, the family reminisces about their memories with Lulu, and validates the little girl's feelings of grief and loss. Since most kids' books have a boy as the central character, this is an especially great kids' book for anyone with daughters dealing with losing a pet.

Jasper's Day by Marjorie Blain Parker and Janet Wilson
Reading level: Kindergarten to 3rd Grade

This story follows a family and their dog, Jasper, who is close to death from cancer--he's lost his sight, his hearing, and can't move around all that well anymore. The parents, knowing the dog must be euthanized, plan an outing to visit all of Jasper's favorite places, before going to the vet together as a family to say goodbye and then burying Jasper in the backyard.

Goodbye Mousie by Robie H. Harris and Jan Ormerod
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A preschool boy loses his pet, Mousie, when the mouse dies in his sleep in the middle of the night. The boy plans a funeral, filling Mousie's coffin with keepsakes from their life together, but still doesn't completely understand the meaning of death. With the help and comfort of his parents, the boy starts to understand and vows to get another pet someday—"but just not yet."

Best Cat in the World by Leslea Newman and Ronald Himler
Reading level: 1st Grade to 4th Grade

A fabulous story about a boy named Victor who loses his best friend—his cat, Charlie—and has to learn to bond with his new kitten, Shelley. It's hard for Victor to move past his grief and learn to love Shelley. Eventually, Victor starts to realize that just because Shelley is different from Charlie doesn't mean they can't be friends, and they bond.

Have a favorite book that heals the heart and the home after losing a pet? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

Family members are an obvious choice when you're in a pinch for care: they love your kids or pets and like to spend time with them, or they share the responsibility of caring for your parents and grandparents with you. And, they can be wonderful sources of respite care for the overworked! But there are drawbacks to having a family member provide care, and beware that confrontations and other easily-avoidable situations may arise because of your comfort level with one another. Use these guidelines—similar to those you would use when hiring a stranger—to prevent unnecessary drama.

• Expectations. When hiring a nanny or a babysitter, I typically advise people to type up their key expectations and go over them with any caregiver beforehand. You should go ahead and do that with family members, too, just as if you were hiring an outside caregiver (even though—and sometimes more importantly because—they're your relatives). I would then sit down and walk them through the list and tell them that this is what you go over with any nanny, etc. Setting clear expectations upfront helps to clear up (and stem off) any confusion.

• Core values. Emphasize the key things that are important to you. For example: Education. Your child's education is really critical to you, and is the main reason you don't want them watching TV or playing video games during the week. Or Responsibility. Teaching your kids responsibility is something that you are working on at home, which is why you expect them to pick up their toys. Although these things may seem like small things, they are crucial components to keeping things consistent for your kids. Tell your relatives that, although they may be inclined to use a different method, you would appreciate their help by adhering to your rules. Explaining your overall goals will help your relative(s) understand why you are asking them to do certain things.

• Communication. Talk often! Sit down on a regular basis and discuss how things are going. Don't just meet or talk when things are going wrong. If you talk regularly, then it won't feel like you planned a special sit-down conversation that makes things a bigger deal than they are. Whether your relative is helping you out once a year when you ask, or needs to know how overburdened you are with shared responsibilities so they can offer to help, communication is crucial—especially between family members.

• "Don't sweat the small stuff." There may be small things that irritate you, such as leaving dishes in the sink or not picking up the toys after the kids. Your nanny used to do it, but now that your sister is helping out, the house is a mess when you get home. If these things aren't the most important things to you, then let it go. Remind yourself that the quality of care—that your child is loved, well-fed, entertained, and educated—and maintaining a healthy relationship with your relative should trump any trivial or mundane annoyance you may feel.

• Payment. No one likes discussing the topic of money with a family member. If your relative is comfortable getting paid, then I would offer them an hourly wage at market rate. Find market rates in your area by searching Care.com by your ZIP code and looking at different provider profiles. You can also share this information with your relative to let them know that you came up with the rate based on objective sources. That way it removes anything personal from the conversation.

• Boundaries. Respect your family member's personal time. It's very easy to get too comfortable in the situation and take them for granted: you know that your mom or sister will always forgive you when you arrive 10 minutes late and other "harmless" offenses. But, if you expect your relatives to adhere to your wishes and your rules when caring for your child, pet, or other loved one, then you should do the same by respecting that they may have other engagements, appointments, etc. Keep your word and you'll keep their respect.

• Tough conversations. Sometimes it's better to let time lapse before having an emotional conversation (especially in front of your kids). Sometimes you may have had a bad day and thus are overreacting to a situation, taking it out on your mom or sister. You may want to let it go and wait a day or two. See if it still bothers you after you've cooled off a bit, and then you'll be able to have a more rational, productive sit-down with your family member. Even though it's your mom or sister, think about approaching the conversation as you would a friend: with a respectful tone and approach and with active listening. Seek first to understand than to be understood.

Have a great tip for navigating the waters of having family members serve as caregivers? Share it with the entire Care.com community by posting a comment!

Cheers,

Sheila

I just received a question from a reader about suggestions for gifts for day care providers, but this advice can also apply to other caregivers, as well:

• Electronic Gift Cards
  If you can afford to give them an e-gift card from Amazon or Barnes & Noble, I've done that in the past for day care providers when my boys were younger and find it's always appreciated. I would suggest a $15 value so that it can cover a nice book plus the shipping.

• Magazine Subscriptions
  There are also gift certificates available at Magazines.com. for around $20 for an annual subscription to various magazines. One year, a friend gave me a food magazine subscription that I really enjoyed. Each month when I received it in the mail, all year long, it reminded me of her thoughtfulness.

• Picture Frames
  If you're looking to spend a little less (around $10), you can always check out a discount retail store like TJ Maxx or Marshalls and pick up some nice picture frames. Leave the picture frames blank--care providers, as much as they love people and pets, really don't want prints of yours, but everyone can always use a nice, new picture frame to fill with their own special memories.

Also, if you are looking for that unique gift for your friend, co-worker or loved one, our team here at Care.com came up with "The Gift of Care", which allows you to give someone access to sanity-saving solutions for child care, elder care, pet care, and tutoring--and for just $10!

Cheers,

Sheila