Ironically, New Years’ Eve has never been a night when my
husband and I have booked a sitter.
We’ve always treated it as a casual family-night in. We’ll just make dinner and
watch the ball drop together. And even when the kids were about six, we would
let them stay up with us to welcome the New Year.
I was recently telling this to a friend who was pretty
shocked that I would ever let a child stay up until midnight. And yes, I know,
I would pay for it, for a few days of excess whining afterwards. But it was a
fun, simple family tradition.
What do you do on New Year’s Eve? If you’re booking a
sitter, I’d suggest doing that today. But if you’re staying home with the kids,
I have some fun
NYE family party ideas from the Editors at Care.com that might(!) be a
little more exciting than my Dick Clark Rockin’ Eve. Would love to hear your
ideas too:
Host an
Early Ball Drop. This would work for all early bedtimers. Google New Year
celebrations in major cities in earlier time zones and celebrate while watching
online. Countdown and blow horns, toast with fizzy apple cider. Whatever you
want. Then kiss goodnight and let the kids get their sleep.
Throw a
Slumber Party. The friends with the biggest house get to host! But this
way, kids and grownups all get to join in the fun – and parents can be with
their friends after the kids have gone to bed.
Have a
New Years Day Open House. Forget the late nights and host a play date
brunch for people to drop in and relax. It’s casual and playful, and another
day for you to enjoy being with your kids – and each other.
Whatever you do for your New Year’s
Eve and Day, I hope you have a great – and safe – night.
And here’s another tip. If you’re going out for
dinner and you know you’ll be home early, as in around 9:30 or 10, let babysitter job applicants know.
Create the Care.com job post with a title like "Need NYE Sitter – Will Be Home
by 10PM." This works if you’re looking for a fun early night (since little ones
don’t know it’s New Year’s Day!), you might just open up a wealth of job
applicants (so they can go out after you get home!).
Tell me, what do you like to do with your kids
for the holiday? Is it a big celebration for you?
I love the holidays. But I can’t take the excess. The
indulgence. The wish-lists that start in October. And can I be honest? There’s
nothing worse than
disappointed children after spending three hours opening presents – because
they want more!
They’ve been spoiled. But it’s not their fault. It’s
ours. And I have a
possible cure: the answer is giving each child one gift.
My theory is
that the kids would get their one gift from each side of your family. So by the
time Santa, Grandma, Pop, Nana, the Aunties and Uncles
and your nanny give their one gift, your child has
been showered with all that he could ever need. And then you can spend the rest
of the holiday being together – playing with the toys or enjoying time not working!
I grew up in
a family of five kids. So getting one gift was normal to us. We got our gift
and we played with each others’. And the rest of the day was focused on a big
meal, going to church, watching movies or playing a game together.
Then I grew
up and decided to do things my way. So as a mom of two boys, I
started off indulging them with a ton of stuff to see the joy in their faces
each time they opened a present. But it didn’t make us all feel great in the
end. It left them asking "what’s next?" and me feeling like I didn’t do the
best job teaching
them gratitude and generosity.
Much to my
chagrin, I went back to how my parents raised me. I had to refocus on what I
wanted the holidays to be about – being together. So to this day it is still
one gift per kid, but it’s a meaningful
gift. (We have a big family,
so they get plenty of gifts.) When there’s only one gift from each person who
cares for them, that gift will be a lot more special. If you celebrate
Chanukah, do one big gift on the first night and smaller gifts for the
remainder of the holiday (my friend Jody, our senior care advisor here at Care.com, suggests "gelt,"
little bags of chocolate coins, as a small gift for kids).
What do you
think about my one gift rule? Am I just an old-fashioned, stingy Mama? Or, do I
have something here? And, I ask you, no matter what you celebrate, will you
join me in the one gift rule?!
I have a fun Thanksgiving
tradition. I get together with a group of people
I used to work with right after college – and we have a mini "Friends-giving."
The tradition started a long time ago before most of us had families or big
dining rooms and kitchens. Before most of us knew how to cook – or wanted to
learn. The focus wasn’t on the food. It was about getting together. We bought
all the food and sides from a rotisserie chicken place in New England called
Boston Market. And it was a feast.
Now our families have grown, and
so have our taste buds. Over the years, people have started cooking real,
delicious food. They've brined turkeys, mashed potatoes, made pie crusts --
from scratch!
This year, I am hosting. And I
here's my secret: I'm going back to getting take-out. It’s all part of my goal
on being "less perfect" and focusing on what's really important. The purpose of
this is to be together. It was never about the food.
Thanksgiving can get so stressful.
Add kids, in-laws and a house packed with guests to the mix and suddenly you can’t
wait to gobble down your food and get everyone out the door. I suggest adopting
a little bit of my "less perfect" plan for your holiday too (No, I don’t only mean
getting fast-food!). Here are some ideas:
Buy your appetizers. They're not the main event!
Ask everyone to bring one side dish or a dessert.
Make two kid-friendly foods so you don't have to hear
whining if they don't eat turkey (microwavable macaroni counts!). (Here are 9
kid-friendly recipes)
Cook your favorite dish (you will really look
forward to eating it!)
Assign chores, even to the kids. Do this a week in advance,
and start jobs 2 days before.
Get kids to create the table décor. That way, it's not
perfect -- it's adorable!
Focus on being together. Find a game for the kids to play
together (here are some kiddie
table activities), and another game for
the adults to play after the kids go to bed. This should be fun and festive.
The dishes can wait for Friday!
Tell me, what is your best tip to
stay calm over the holidays?
Mother’s Day is right around the corner, and I don’t know about you, but I’m more than ready for a relaxing day with my family, some pampering and maybe even some time to myself. Whether it's breakfast in bed or just a sweet note from my kids, I personally enjoy any type of special treatment.
But sometimes the day that celebrates us Moms doesn’t always feel like a break, does it? We’re (probably) still getting up early to get everyone ready for a "nice" brunch. We’re still dealing with the "I don’t want to wear that" complaints, "he hit me!" battles, and "can I watch TV?" pleas. And we’re probably still wrangling the kids into the car, stuffing all the necessities in our bags, and being the go-to person for all disputes.
Around the blogosphere, I’m seeing a change in how mothers are treating their special day. We recently asked nine of our favorite mom bloggers what they really want for Mother’s Day – and they really spoke up: To sleep in. To order take out. To not talk…to anyone. There’s a new mother's day happening. These women are asking for what they really want: A break.
I get it. After endlessly caring for our kids, volunteering at their schools, playing ref while they argue, planning weeks' worth of meals, juggling office meetings and pediatrician appointments, and putting everyone before ourselves time and time again, Moms just want some time off. Whether it's handing the kids to their partner or booking a sitter, peace and quiet is the Mother’s Day gift they want.
But I'm not one of them. I have a feeling my son will wake me up early on Sunday, I’ll end up with maple syrup on my bed covers and spend part of the day pleading with him to his chores. I sense that I’ll still tutor him with math homework, make dinner as a family, and watch American Idol on DVR. To me, that’s my perfect Mother's Day.
Even if it’s what we do every Sunday (minus the maple syrup).
But my kids are getting older and due to being a Mom who travels at least once a week, I covet those tutoring sessions and chore reminders (sort of). They bring me back to my favorite job, my role as a Mom.
How do you feel about this New Mother's Day? Are you going for some time alone – or time as a family, actively being "Mom"? Do you think it's appropriate to want time away from your kids on Mother's Day?
Xo, Sheila
P.S. - While we're celebrating, yesterday was Care.com's five year anniversary. In a lot of ways, this company has been another baby in my family. For five years, my amazing co-founders and incredible staff have helped make Care.com the answer for so many families in need of care. (And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my incredible husband and sons.) We've grown from 7 employees to more than 150, more than 1 million jobs have been posted, and more than 4 million families and caregivers combined have joined the Care.com family. And, since care is a global issue, we’ve gone international with our launch in the UK just weeks ago! We’ve loved being part of your families these last five years and hope to keep playing a part in your lives for years to come. We truly could not have done it without your continued support. Thank you!
P.P.S. - One last thing, I can't let you go without sharing our brand new "Thank You Mom," video in honor of Mother's Day. We had kids tell us what they love about their moms – and what they are most grateful for. You might be surprised by the answers.. I know I was. Enjoy – and Happy Mother’s Day to you or the Mom in your life!
Mother’s Day is right around the corner, and I don’t know about you, but I’m more than ready for a relaxing day with my family, some pampering and maybe even some time to myself. Whether it’s breakfast in bed or just a sweet note from my kids, I personally enjoy any type of special treatment.
But sometimes the day that celebrates us Moms doesn’t always feel like a break, does it? We’re (probably) still getting up early to get everyone ready for a “nice” brunch. We’re still dealing with the “I don’t want to wear that” complaints, “he hit me!” battles, and “can I watch TV?” pleas. And we’re probably still wrangling the kids into the car, stuffing all the necessities in our bags, and being the go-to person for all disputes.
Around the blogosphere, I’m seeing a change in how mothers are treating their special day. We recently asked nine of our favorite mom bloggers what they really want for Mother’s Day – and they really spoke up: To sleep in. To order take out. To not talk…to anyone. There’s a new mother’s day happening. These women are asking for what they really want: A break.
I get it. After endlessly caring for our kids, volunteering at their schools, playing ref while they argue, planning weeks’ worth of meals, juggling office meetings and pediatrician appointments, and putting everyone before ourselves time and time again, Moms just want some time off. Whether it’s handing the kids to their partner or booking a sitter, peace and quiet is the Mother’s Day gift they want.
But I’m not one of them. I have a feeling my son will wake me up early on Sunday, I’ll end up with maple syrup on my bed covers and spend part of the day pleading with him to his chores. I sense that I’ll still tutor him with math homework, make dinner as a family, and watch American Idol on DVR. To me, that’s my perfect Mother’s Day.
Even if it’s what we do every Sunday (minus the maple syrup).
But my kids are getting older and due to being a Mom who travels at least once a week, I covet those tutoring sessions and chore reminders (sort of). They bring me back to my favorite job, my role as a Mom.
How do you feel about this New Mother’s Day? Are you going for some time alone – or time as a family, actively being “Mom”? Do you think it’s appropriate to want time away from your kids on Mother’s Day?
Xo,
Sheila
P.S. – While we’re celebrating, yesterday was Care.com’s five year anniversary. In a lot of ways, this company has been another baby in my family. For five years, my amazing co-founders and incredible staff have helped make Care.com the answer for so many families in need of care. (And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my incredible husband and sons.) We’ve grown from 7 employees to more than 150, more than 1 million jobs have been posted, and more than 4 million families and caregivers combined have joined the Care.com family. And, since care is a global issue, we’ve gone international with our launch in the UK just weeks ago! We’ve loved being part of your families these last five years and hope to keep playing a part in your lives for years to come. We truly could not have done it without your continued support. Thank you!
I'm not a spontaneous person. It's just not in my nature. But I have to say, this is a quality I really admire in people.
My husband is more spontaneous than I am. He'll suggest going out to dinner on a whim, or going on an overnight "escape." And I go with a mixed feeling of excitement and anxiety. But I'm so grateful that he pulls me along for the ride.
In fact, one of my favorite things to do is to go for a walk around our local pond. We live in New England, so during the winter, it can be a very cold walk. But we bundle up, get out those hot hand warmers and a Thermos of hot cocoa, and sit on a bench overlooking the pond. And we talk. We talk about the previous year, the year ahead, our kids, our extended families, plans we want to make. It can be so romantic to just have some quiet time in a peaceful, beautiful spot. It makes you realize that sometimes, you don't need to spend any money – or plan in advance -- to be good to each other. You just need to break away from the normal routine.
Being that today is Valentine's Day, I thought I'd encourage you to break away from your daily routine as well. Whether it's tonight or next month, it can be so rewarding to get that 1-on-1 time with your partner. I think the same is true for each child. I love planning "dates" with my sons, separately; even if that means hiring a sitter so my husband and I can both go.
We've just come up with a bunch of free – or, semi-free – ways to celebrate Valentine's Day (most can be done spontaneously). They're great ideas. Some you can do tonight (learn how to find a sitter, fast!) and others can be saved for later.
This year I vow to… lose weight, work out more and pay off my debt. Sound familiar? These are typical resolutions we all make for ourselves. But what if our kids made our resolutions for us? What would they say?
We recently asked our Care.com employees to ask their kids to make New Year's resolutions for them for 2012 – or to guess what they might be. As you can see, none of these resolutions have to do with weight-loss, keeping our sock drawer organized, or drinking less coffee. Here they are for your enjoyment.
Mike, father of a 1 year old, in Marketing: "Stop going to work, stay here and play with me." "Let me have more chocolate." "Pick me up and hold me the instant I request it, no matter what you're doing." "Everything we purchase should involve Elmo."
Danielle, mother of two, in Product Management: I think my 5 year old would say don't use my phone as much. My 3 year old says he doesn't want me to vacuum anymore. He doesn't like hearing loud noises. Although he has no concept of an indoor voice!!!
Jennifer, mother of a 3 year old, in Creative: My daughter would love to be allowed to have chocolate milk on demand – no questions asked. Also, She would love it if I would agree to let her wear a pink or purple "princess skirt" (i.e. tutu) 24/7.
Michael, father of two, in Finance: Our 3 year old Amy said that we should be able to have ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner and not just dinner. I think our family keeps the ice cream industry afloat.
Donna, mother of two, who oversees our Military programs: My 9 year old son would say:
- You will make me potato latkes every morning for breakfast - You will never make me wear a coat - You will come and work at my school - You will be home for dinner every day - You will not go out on dates with dad
My 2 and ½ year old daughter would say:
- You will always let me sleep in your bed - We will always have mini-popsicles in the house - You will put me to bed every night - You will never make me take a bath
What resolutions do you think your kids would make for YOU? Share them with us!
Related Articles: Read on for the hilarious and true changes our favorite mom bloggers kids would make in their lives:
More so than any other time of the year, parents (and often moms) put organizing holiday activities, juggling big meals, and generally keeping the family peace above their own needs. Once the frenzy of the holidays are over, it is easy to slip back into the regular routine – and yet somehow the that trip to the salon, going to the gym, or a night out with friends stays on the back burner. Since I know that many of our members have a tendency to neglect their own care throughout the year, I wanted to share eight New Year’s resolutions, specially tailored for the family caregiver:
1. Take care of yourself. This could mean anything from a shower (if you've been sporting a ponytail for the past week for a reason) to a manicure, yoga classes, or spa-esque luxuries. Basically, if leaving home means throwing on the sweatpants, kick things up a notch with a blow-dry or jeans and feel confident in how you look – even if you're just picking the kids up from school.
2. Keep calm. Just because the kids arescreaming on the floor of the grocery store doesn't mean your voice should carry all the way to the produce aisle. Instead, keep your blood pressure low by practicing new parenting techniques. Check out Hal Runkel's Scream Free Parenting for ideas.
3. Initiate date night– for the whole family. While you'll need a sitter for date nights with your significant other, have your spouse be the caregiver while you spend on-on-one time with each of the kids at a baseball game or movie night.
4. Make a fitness goal. Instead of just pledging to go to the gym this year, set a measurable goal – run a 5K, attend eight aerobics classes in a month, or set an achieveable goal weight with a trainer.
5. Do not covet thy neighbor's nanny. Does a neighbor have the perfect sitter? Instead of contemplating the sin of nanny poaching, find your own family's perfect match. Craft a job post, and list all your dream qualities in a babysitter.
6. Get involved with your child's education. Even if you don't have the time for PTA, find other ways to support your kids' learning, including helping with homework and supporting the classroom. Check out The Parent Connection for ideas.
7. Create lasting memories with your own parents. Take a moment to talk with your parents about their legacy and your family’s history. Check out VP of Care Management Jody Gastfriend's suggestions for memorializing their legacy.
8. Girls Night Out. Or girls night in – but either way, spend some quality time with friends – even if it means all you talk about are your kids. Over knitting, over martinis, or whatever helps you to relax.
I know it can be a daunting feat for family caregivers to make time for themselves. Taking care of loved ones, even with the help of professional caregivers, can easily leave no time for reading or even sleeping. It is crucial to try and make time – write it into the schedule, have the sitter stay a little later, or ask a partner for help. If possible, the result will be a happier and healthier family caregiver for the New Year – something the entire family will celebrate.
Tired from the holidays? Wind down with a look at our most talked about blog posts from this year. You've had a lot to say in 2011 and we thank you for your constant support, questions and comments!
Last week, I posted Care.com’s 2011 Top 5 Gifts for Caregivers and promised that I'd decode the gift of money this week. We tip waiters with every restaurant meal, but when it comes to our caregivers, we may be a little out of practice when calculating the right monetary "thank you." A spa gift certificate, homemade cupcakes, a tip or a bonus? The truth is that, when you find someone who truly cares for your family, the holidays are a great opportunity to show your gratitude – and ensure that your caregiver happily stays with you throughout the new year. To help determine the right holiday gift, check out the guide below for part two of our holiday celebration for caregivers:
Nannies Provide full-time nannies and au pairs with a holiday bonus – the equivalent of one week's salary.
While this is the standard, if finances are tight this year, consider giving your nanny an extra week to a few days of paid vacation spread out during the following year. Add a homemade gift. Don't forget that generally, nannies do not get paid vacations on the major winter holidays, including Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years. If you ask them to help out on any of these days, be sure to pay time and a half.
Babysitters For babysitters who care for your children on a regular basis, provide a tip – about one or two night's pay. If you want to thank an occasional sitter who helps out on date nights or provides back-up care, send a card with a gift certificate (see last week's post for specific ideas) of about $25.00-$50.00. Again, nice homemade goodies, made with help from the kids, are also a great "thank you."
Special Needs Caregivers Special needs caregivers can play a crucial role in the lives of our children and loved ones. Like nannies, if your special needs caregiver is full-time, provide the one week salary holiday bonus. If he or she visits only occasionally, stick with the one-or-two-visit tipping rule. However, if your caregiver goes the extra mile in caring for your loved one, make sure that your gesture reflects his or her dedication.
Tutors A tip equivalent to one tutoring session is appropriate for tutors who have really made an impact on your child's learning, and I also like to involve my guys in the gift-giving by having them make a thank you card or small gift.
Senior Caregivers If your full-time senior caregiver is employed independently by you and your family, operate under the one-week-salary bonus rule or two weeks for caregivers that have been with your family for multiple years. If he or she is employed through an agency or works at your senior's facility, be sure to check with the management regarding policies on tipping. If you know that the caregiver has really gone out of their way to make your aging parent or loved one as happy and well-cared for as possible, give a little extra – check out The Gift of Relaxation section from last week.
Pet Sitters and Dog Walkers An occasional pet sitter could get a gift card or an equivalent to an extra day's pay. For a dog walker that comes by when you're at work and on a daily basis, provide the typical week's salary as a holiday tip. And if you make regular visits to the groomer, give them a little tip or gift as well.
Housekeepers In general, housekeepers should receive anywhere from 50 percent to 100 percent of their usual weekly fee. Accompany your holiday tip with a nice card or holiday goodies. If you occasionally hire a house cleaner to come in before a house party or a visit from relatives, a tip is nice, but not necessary.
Ultimately, bonuses are greater amounts for full-time caregivers, and tips are a percentage or extra full day’s pay for part-time or occasional caregivers. Whether you choose to give presents, extra paid vacation time, bonuses, or tips this holiday season, ensure that your gift matches your own feelings of gratitude towards the caregivers of your loved ones.
Check out these articles for additional holiday reading:
Every year around the holidays, the Care Team and I notice that families are struggling to find the right gifts for their caregivers. I know from experience – finding that ideal present can be surprisingly difficult. Our caregivers occupy a very special and unique place in our lives. It can be hard to believe that from a simple online profile, they become so much more: our sanity-keepers, peacemakers, stress-relievers, lifesavers, and trusted allies. We call them when there's an emergency. We call them when we need a break. And, every day, we trust them with the most important things in the world: our children, parents, pets, and homes. So how do you say that super-special thank you?
Idea #1: The Gift of Relaxation You know that your caregiver could likely use some relaxation time – because you know exactly the kinds of messes they've been cleaning, the kids they've been running after, and the dogs they've been walking. Spa gift certificates, including pedicures, manicures, massages, and even time at the hair salon, are all great gifts. Stop by your local spa or salon to ask about a gift card or purchase online. A great fit for babysitters, nannies, housekeepers, pet sitters, and senior caregivers.
Idea #2: The Gift of Good Cheer Help your caregiver eat, drink, and be merry with special treats that they wouldn't buy for themselves. I'm partial to gift baskets with a mix of healthy and decadent options, like pears with chocolates. To go even healthier, check out local options, such as farm shares and co-ops for potential veggie deliveries to your caregiver's doorstep during the growing months. For the decadent route, find near-by specialty stores and support your local community with wine or cheese basket gifts for your caregiver.
Idea #3: The Gift of Tech Giving that perfect tech-toy can be a great fit for more than just the younger generation of college caregivers. I know our housekeeper is always plugged into her iPod and favorite playlist. IPod nanos are currently about $129.00, and iPod shuffles are even less: $49.00. If your babysitter is already rocking out with an iPod, consider an iTunes gift card. Another great gift this year is Amazon's Kindle at $79.00. (And just a nerdy techie sidenote: after Black Friday, their latest Kindle Fire tablet, priced at $199.00, is rivaling Apple's $499.00 iPad).
Idea #4: The Gift of Heart Since caregivers can play such uniquely intimate roles in our lives, consider making a homemade gift if you are looking for a more personal way to say "Thank you." Get the kids involved. Visit the local craft store for fun ideas like homemade soap or candle-making kits. Take a great picture of your nanny playing with your kids, and have your little ones help you put together a festive magnetic frame for the fridge or even a beautiful ornament for your caregiver's tree or home. Snap a picture of your dog in a Santa hat - this is also a great idea for pet sitters and dog walkers.
Idea #5: The Gift for the Whole Family Finally, think about giving a gift that your caregiver's entire family will enjoy. If you want to go the food route, don't forget to take any food allergies into consideration. For example, if anyone in your caregiver's family has a gluten allergy, find gluten-free baked goodies, and create a unique food allergy-friendly basket. Buy a subscription to a print or e-magazine, like Living Without for food allergy families or fun kid magazines, like National Geographic Kids. If you have any pics of your caregiver with his or her family, add them to digital picture frame for a great family gift.
As you review these options and try to decide on how much you should spend in time and money, think about your caregiver's relationship with your family. I generally recommend going bigger for nannies, housekeepers, pet caretakers and senior caregivers that have become honorary members of the family. Consider smaller gifts for occasional babysitters, pet sitters, and dog walkers. And of course cash is always welcome, but do you know how much to give? Tune in next week to our article on tipping.
