A new movie came out this past weekend that makes me think back on my pregnancy days. What to Expect when You’re Expecting stars Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez and a ton of big stars highlighting the highs and lows of those fascinating 9 months. It looks hilarious. And makes me realize how far we've come – publicizing those "unspeakable" pregnancy quirks and emotions previous generations never shared.
Now we learn about the very real birthing experience from movies like Knocked Up. And the What to Expect character Elizabeth Banks shares the hardships the baby can put on our bodies. It feels like forever ago, but I can still remember how swollen my feet were! And my body seemed to retain every drop of water I ever drank.
Pregnancy trends have changed a lot when I was last pregnant. From the fun and frivolous (gender revealing parties, sprinkles as well as showers, $900 strollers), to the informative (mom message boards, open discussions about infertility, these laugh-out-loud pregnancy movies). Dads are also sharing in the glory (and griping). What to Expect has the hilarious Chris Rock as part of a "Dudes Group" where hands-on dads confide every mistake and every issue without getting judged. No judgment is key. This is what we try to instill in our message boards and Care.com community as well. I mean, let's face it, pregnancy is miraculous and beautiful – but it's not easy. Neither is parenthood.
And sometimes even the best books don't tell you that your feet will look like Shaquille O’Neal’s.
So tell me: What do you wish you had known to expect about pregnancy – or what pregnancy advice would you tell someone else?
Leave a comment below and one winner will be randomly selected to receive two Fandango movie passes – for whatever movie you’d like.
No purchase necessary to enter to win. Making a purchase does not increase your chances of winning. [View complete Care.com Movie Ticket Sweepstakes rules here.]
Xo,
Sheila
Giveaway/Contest
May 21, 2012
October 24, 2011
Kelsey’s Story: Reality of a Single Student Mom
A 2011 Care.com Guest Writer Contest, hosted on my blog, asked all promising scribes to tell us about themselves and their families. Selecting this winner proved to be an incredibly difficult process – there are so many parents with such moving and inspirational stories! Our panel of judges finally narrowed the selection down to two mothers, Kelsey and Valerie. Both told their life stories with intense passion and heart wrenching honesty. Both are potentially facing the greatest challenges of their lives. And we had no choice but to choose both as the winners of our contest.
Meet Kelsey
Independent. Strong-willed. Fierce. Kelsey, currently living in Iowa, is a college student, future lawyer, and single mom to baby Isaac. In less than a year, Kelsey’s life was transformed. From a typical college student, she became a single mother, fighting her way towards a law degree – six hundred miles away from family and friends. To understand her daily battle to build a successful future for herself and Isaac, the Care Team and I asked her to share some insights into what it means to be on your own and doing-it-all:
Who are your role models?
Immediately upon the discovery of two pink lines on a little white stick, I resented the ironic timing. The previous year, I had five friends become pregnant at the same time. Their situations ranged from married college students to potentially questionable paternities and just about everything in between. But none of them were planned and all of them handled their pregnancies and motherhood with grace. So, Erika, Ashley, Lindsay, Mackenzie, and Miranda were all role models of mine in terms of young mothers, single and otherwise.
My parents got married at the ages of 18 and 19, and they are celebrating their 29th anniversary this year. They didn't go to college, but they worked very hard and struggled with monetary issues – the same issues that I now face – before and after the births of their four children. They've always inspired me to defy popular gossip and expectations and to never lose faith. They're the reason I know it's not love or faith or trust that breaks people, but it's people that break these ideals.
How do you hope your son will describe you when he’s older?
I want him to have intense respect for women in order to help prevent what I went through with his father from happening to anyone else. To that end, I hope that he will remember my strong moments and hopefully never have to see me when I break. When he becomes an adult, I want him to look back at my accomplishments in the same way I look back at my parents’. I hope he will say that I always did what I thought was best for him, for us.
Why have you chosen not to lean on your parents for support?
They've worked hard their entire adult lives for everything they have. They shouldn't have to sacrifice the lifestyle they've spent decades creating for me since nobody did so for them. Like I said, they struggled as much as I did. The only difference is they always had each other to lean on. They do help Isaac and me when they can.
How difficult was it for you to find a trustworthy sitter or nanny?
It was exhausting. I met with a few younger college women, who were too expensive and had crazy-strange availability (of course). Finally, I met the one! I trusted her almost immediately. It's always scary leaving my baby with someone new, but my sitter gives me text message updates, so it's getting better all the time.
What do you look for when hiring a caregiver for your son?
I love to see how they interact with Isaac and their own children. Due to her car breaking down, the women I hired most recently had to bring her family when we met. It meant I got to meet the whole gang. Her entire clan sat at another table, and being able to see how she interacted with her family at a stressful time, while fielding my questions, made me quite confident in her child care expertise. Anyone can have experience on paper and find one or two people to give them tons of praise. Real human empathy, sympathy, and the ability to connect with and truly care for children add up to something special. Something you can sense is being faked.
What is the most supportive thing anyone has ever done for you?
There was a woman I met with from Care.com about watching Isaac. My entire life is constantly in limbo, so I couldn't nail down the exact times I would need her. I told her what I was trying to do. I wanted to finish school. No, no family here. No, his father is not going to move here. It's just me and I-Z. It was a few weeks before I followed up with her, and when I called, she told me she was still interested. She would watch him anytime and wouldn't accept any other jobs because she wanted to help me get through school. I never expected to hear that.
What is one misconception of single moms you want to set straight?
Just because a woman is a single mother, she is a slut. Nobody thinks that about single fathers. What's more, it's usually other women that make such comments. When I was pregnant and chose to break up with the father of my future child because he had committed what I considered an unforgivable offense against our family, I was told more than once, “Well, I want to be married when I have kids.” It hurt so much more than anyone could imagine. Yes, clearly I wanted to get pregnant half-way through my bachelor's degree by a man who had told me for years he wanted to marry me and have my children – and then watch it all go up in smoke at the beginning of my third trimester. Six hundred miles from home. The weekend before finals. Followed by the very distinct pleasure of finishing college and law school while raising a baby by myself.
What is the most annoying thing people say when they find out that you are a single mom?
When I would tell people about my future plans, they would say, “Wow, you know that's going to be hard, right?”
Do you find celebrity single moms like Madonna, Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, and Katie Couric inspirational? Or does it feel like their star status can set unreasonable expectations for single mothers?
I feel disconnected from them. I believe they're “doing-it-all,” and I'd never discredit that. However, “doing-it-all” on a dangerously small income, is a completely different planet of motherhood. At least, I feel like I'm on a different planet.
Why do you want to be a lawyer?
I actually wanted to be a lawyer when I was very young. My mom was a big “Ally McBeal” fan, but I like to think it was just the budding feminist in me wanting to put on a modern woman's suit and put people in their place. Sometime while growing up, I doubted my ability to defend people I knew to be guilty and prosecute people I knew to be innocent, and the dream lay abandoned. However, when I found out I was pregnant, my new maternal instincts revived the desire to fight. I've found something worth fighting any battle for.
Read more about Kelsey’s story:
Behind the Scenes of a Single Mom in College
A Day in the Hectic Life of a Single Mom in College
October 17, 2011
Valerie’s Story: Reality of a Sandwiched Life
A 2011 Care.com Guest Writer Contest, hosted on my blog, asked all promising scribes to tell us about themselves and their families. Selecting this winner proved to be an incredibly difficult process – there are so many parents with such moving and inspirational stories! Our panel of judges finally narrowed the selection down to two mothers, Valerie and Kelsey. Both told their life stories with intense passion and heart wrenching honesty. Both are potentially facing the greatest challenges of their lives. And we had no choice but to choose both as the winners of our contest.
Meet Valerie
For this blog post, I’d like to introduce you to Valerie, from Ohio: writer, wife, daughter, and mother of two. Over the past year, Valerie has been facing a reality that increasing numbers of Americans share. At the same time that she and her husband were balancing work with caring for their two children (ages 4 and 6), Valerie’s father grew sick, and she became his main caregiver. About four months ago, her father passed away, and she has since continued to care for her mother, who has moved to an independent living apartment. To understand how she got through such a tough time in her life and continues to balance care for her children and her mom, the Care Team and I asked her to share some insights into what it's like to be caught in the middle:
What has been the most stressful part about caring for your mom while still caring for your young kids?
Feeling guilty all the time – feeling guilty that I’m schlepping my four-year-old to mom’s doctor appointments and guilty when mom calls to chat and I am trying to get dinner on the table with the kids vying for attention.
What was the hardest aspect of explaining your dad’s passing to your kids?
We were lucky in some ways because the kids were so young that while they understood, they were both too young to feel the pain of grief. I’m so glad they didn’t have to experience the pain. That would have been really hard.
In what ways are you still struggling with the loss?
Because I was the main caregiver for my dad throughout his treatment, I still relive many of those moments we shared: driving to doctor appointments, sitting through chemo and watching his pain escalate as he slipped away that last day. These flashbacks are still so vivid.
What is the best thing someone can do for a friend who has lost a parent?
Be there. Call. Show up with dinner. Take the kids for a while. Don’t just offer to help. Show up and help. One of my dearest friends, who lives four hours away, drove up the day after dad died and stayed for a night, just to help out with whatever. I am still so deeply touched by her caring enough to be there.
What do you look for when hiring a caregiver for your family?
In this day and age, we all have to be cautious. Background checks and reference checks are so important. But ultimately, I think hiring someone to care for my family comes down to a feeling that it is right. Call it Mom’s intuition, you know when it’s right and you know when it’s not. That inner voice has been my strongest guide.
How do you create time for yourself?
I workout. Well, I did until I broke my leg running on September 1. Yes, in addition to all this, I will be wearing the Aircast for two more weeks. Thankfully, I broke my left leg, not my right, so I am still able to drive and walk without crutches. Before the broken leg, I would hit the gym 4 or 5 times a week with my girlfriend. We’d jump on the elliptical trainers and gossip for 45 minutes. Throughout this year there have been many tears on that elliptical, but it’s been good therapy for me. I can’t wait to get back to the gym.
What advice can you offer parents new to the Sandwich Generation?
Take it one day at a time, but that’s been my advice since having kids. Ask me again when this phase of life is through. I’m sure I’ll have great advice then.
Read more about Valerie’s story:
6 Ways to "Buy" Myself a Break
Next week, meet our other contest winner, Kelsey: “Yes, I am a single mother. Yes, I am a college student. Yes, I am that waitress who brought out your steak dinners and scrubbed down the table when you left.” Stay tuned.
Don't forget to take our Aging Parents Survey:
June 20, 2011
What’s Your Story?
In April, I had the pleasure of meeting Becky Palmer, a young military spouse who won a "Year of Care" from Care.com at an Operation Shower event attended by the First Lady Michelle Obama. Operation Shower is an organization that celebrates and honors military families by throwing baby showers to expecting moms. Becky told me how her husband Joseph lost his leg in Afghanistan last year when her first child was not yet two. When I met her in her last trimester of her second pregnancy, she spoke, like any young mother, with excitement and hope about her growing family. I found myself with tears in my eyes.
Becky's story is one among many I hear every day, whether I'm in a business meeting, traveling on a plane, or meeting a mother at the grocery store. Personal stories of how people are working, raising children, dealing with economic or physical hardships are what ground me, inspire me, and make me aware of how what we’re doing at Care.com impacts lives.
At our Care@Work conference, I had the chance to meet Jake Barton, whose company, Local Projects, is the lead designer for the 9/11 Memorial Museum. Jake is in the business of storytelling, using personal narratives to bring static museums to life.
Jake stands at the forefront of the shift in museum presentation. You might recall museums as full of boring dioramas and static images. If, however, you've spent time in a museum recently, you've probably found yourself more engaged. It's likely that you've listened to a personal oral history. Museum staff may even have encouraged you to share your own experience. Maybe you've wondered why.
It's because stories have power. They preserve history. They entertain us. And they even put our children to sleep. Stories can also start companies. Care.com began with my story as a young mother struggling to find care for my aging father and two sons. As I continued to share my story, I realized that many were in the same position and was inspired to found this company. My story is at the heart of Care.com.
I also know that every person who has visited Care.com has their own story:
- A father balancing care for an elderly parent and his kids
- New parents, who are just discovering the joys of their first born
- A daughter who has come home from spending time with dad and realizes that he is going to need more help
- Parents of a child with cerebral palsy, who are looking for a caregiver who “gets it”
We want to hear your story and give you a platform to tell it right on Care.com!
Send us your story in 500 or fewer words, and you'll be entered to win an opportunity as a guest blogger on Care.com for one month!
To enter, tell us about yourself including things like your family, your care strategy (are you a care provider or a family needing care?), the highs and lows of a typical day, and your approach to getting through daily hurdles. Also include some examples of blog topics you would enjoy writing. E-mail your story to carestory@care.com by 7:00 am EST on Tuesday, June 28, 2011. Our panel of Care.com judges will select one entry to be a guest blogger on Care.com. Please read our Official Contest Rules.
The winner will also receive $250 and a one-year membership to Care.com.
We look forward to hearing from you!
March 21, 2011
Hi Son, Fit U in at 8 for HW Help? Love Mom
The other night, after an incredibly busy day of meetings, I sat down to journal for a few minutes before going to bed. Instead of writing down my thoughts from the day, I decided to try something I saw quite a few moms doing on one of our Care.com community groups for Working Moms. I created a timeline of the entire day, including the little things that I would never note in my outlook calendar, like meals or when I saw Ron and Adam. Since one of my resolutions this year is to be more present, I thought this was an amazing exercise – Great idea, Working Moms group!
Enter the $100 Gift Card Giveaway: Writing out the schedule of my average day has made me realize I have a lot to be thankful for, but I also have things to work on. Whether you are a working parent or stay-at-home, I really encourage you to try this out! Take five minutes, write out your schedule, and post it as a comment on my blog. Show me the craziness of your day by midnight PST on Tuesday, March 22, and one entry will be selected at random to win a $100.00 Amazon gift card to help schedule a few moments of YOU time – be it online shoe shopping, book browsing, or zoning out to some new mp3 tunes.
If I am not traveling, this is a pretty average day for me:
5:30 a.m. – Wake up, check blackberry.
5:45 a.m. – Say good morning to Ron.
6:00 a.m. – Meditation (10 minutes) and Morning Yoga Exercise (15 minutes) or go to the gym to work out.
7:15 a.m. – Shower and start to get ready.
7:30 a.m. – Wake up Adam and finish getting ready for the morning.
8:00 am – Drink my favorite Spiru-Tein shake while Ron and Adam have breakfast.
8:15 a.m. – Ron and I drop-off Adam at school together. After drop-off, read news and email on my way to work.
8:30 a.m. – Arrive at Care.com; give Laura, my assistant, my blackberry for the day; send e-mails, read blogs, news, and check calendar for the day.
8:45 a.m. – Have a green tea, sign onto Skype, and start the first meeting of the day at 9 am.
All morning – Back to back meetings.
Noon – Thai ground chicken with basil and brown rice (my favorite lunch lately!) while checking e-mail if I don’t have a lunch meeting.
All afternoon – Back to back meetings; Laura sometimes reminds me to take a 15 minute breathing and tea break mid-afternoon. I don’t always comply. :-(
7:00 p.m. – Carpool home with Ron if Adam doesn’t have evening voice rehearsals, check blackberry.
8:00 p.m. – Family Dinner: Sometimes Ron and Adam swing by to pick me up after Adam’s rehearsal, or we eat takeout at the office.
8:45 p.m. – Check on Adam’s homework. Check blackberry too.
9:30 p.m. – Goodnight routine with Adam.
10:00 p.m. – E-mails, Skype and check schedule for next day or a book or a movie about 1 night a week.
10:45 p.m. – Text Ron downstairs to see if he is going to bed.
11:00-Midnight – Go to sleep.
In reading back over this timeline, I realized three things:
1) I say good morning to my blackberry before I say it to my husband and text him to say that I’m heading to bed – even though we are in the same house. And he still loves me. I know I say this all the time, but I couldn’t make it through the day without Ron.
2) I am utterly addicted to technology and multi-tasking.
3) Living close to our work not only saves gas and helps the environment, but it is great for our family time. If we weren’t able to carpool and live so close to our workplace, it would be a challenge to find more time together.
What does your schedule say about your relationship with work and family life? Post your own schedule as a comment on my blog, and enter to win! What is your daily routine?
December 22, 2010
December 21, 2010
Last-Minute Gift Card Giveaway
Maybe you resolved to make everyone’s presents by hand this year before remembering that you’d retired your knitting needles for a reason. Perhaps work just started eating into your shopping time. But let’s face it – most of us are still behind in the annual marathon of holiday giving.
If you’re starting to feel like Santa is going to need a lot more than just milk with his cookies this year, don’t despair! Instead, enter our Last-Minute Gift Card Giveaway.
How to Win the Amazon Gift Card
Post your a comment on my blog before midnight tonight! One name will be drawn at random and receive an Amazon gift card for $100.00 – spend it on your family, spend it on overnight shipping, or just splurge on an early present for YOU.
Gift Ideas to Get Those Holiday Juices Flowing
I’ve also included a few last-minute gift ideas in case you’re still out cruising the malls. You know I do all my holiday shopping online. I definitely recommend turning that stressful mall trip into a few mouse clicks whenever possible.
Concert Tickets
Instead of giving things that may end up crammed in a corner somewhere, consider gifting tickets to a concert. From the LA Philharmonic to Lady Gaga, websites like Ticketmaster have a gift card option – so you don’t even need to know if your niece is listening to The Four Seasons or Poker Face these days. Although you might have an inkling.
Spa Gift Card
Perfect for those busy women – and men – in your life who seem like they need some forced relaxation time. Buy online and send through e-mail or snail mail. My favorite is Boston-based Bella Sante.
Homemade Delicacies
Especially fun to make with the kids, sugar cookies and other traditional wintery fare can be stored and given in festive tins via snail mail or in-person. Ahem. Fruit cakes are strongly discouraged.
iPad Accessories
The Traditional. Gucci. Rainbow Brite. The Beatles. It seems like everyone has an iPad case out right now in all prices and styles! Check out the external keyboard too.
FlipCam
Run to the closest (electronic or a general Target-like) store and grab one of these puppies for immediate filming capabilities. They can be on the heftier side of $150.00, but will guarantee immediate video of those glorious moments of unwrapping ecstasy. Order them online too.
iTunes gift cards
You can find them almost everywhere. Great as stocking stuffers.
Kids
Spy gear. Hello Kitty. Ear buds. Nerf anything. And the ever in vogue Zhu zhu hamsters. Check out these links for Amazon buys, but you can also run to the local Toys "R" Us if you want to go the in-person route.
