Whatever your take is on celebrities, sometimes it’s hard not to hear – and be affected by what they say. New mom of three, Katie Bugbee shares her thoughts on a recent Ashton Kutcher interview in which he describes Mila as a “great mom.” What are your thoughts?
Ashton and Mila aren’t hiring a nanny.
Their baby is only a few months old. It would be really “Hollywood” if they did. So it’s nice that he and partner Mila Kunis are being hands-on parents and Mila is enjoying her time away from work without extra help. Recently Ashton told Ellen Degeneres “We want to be the people that know what to do when the baby’s crying to make the baby not cry anymore. We want to know, like, when she makes a little face or a little something, we want to be emotionally in touch with her. And I think the only way to do that is by being the one who’s there."
And when you watch Ashton expressing his love of Mila and their baby, we love him. But when reading his words without seeing his adorable grin, the part that irks me is what he describes as being a great mom. Referring to Mila, he said, "She's the greatest mom. I go to work every day and I come home, and she's perfect, and it just seems like everything went amazing. And I know that something probably didn't go amazing but she never complains. It's unbelievable. She's incredible."
Perhaps I’ve had too many sleepless nights with my newborn, but a great mom never complains? Now, that’s Hollywood.
They’re probably still in a honeymoon phase. Or, maybe Ashton just had a “Kelso-moment,” but I feel it’s unrealistic for a new mom – or parent – to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. This cannot be a definition of a great mom. It can’t be the expectation we put on ourselves as moms – and it can’t be what a spouse expects to come home to every day.
Now hopefully, he means that Mila is just relishing in her love and learning of motherhood. She doesn’t mind dealing with poop blowouts and getting spit-up down her shirt. She doesn’t mind the sleepless nights. Being in love with a baby is a whole different kind of love (which he talks about). And you just don’t care what bodily fluid you have in your hair. But poo is going to get real very soon, and Ashton just might walk in the door and find his partner sad, frustrated, scared or lonely. And everyone needs to understand that that’s a “great mom” too.
We all need to understand this. Mostly because no one is perfect and no one knows all the answers. We parents, moms especially, put too much effort and pride into doing things perfectly – and then have tremendous guilt when we fall short…even if only in our own minds. Parenthood is not always intuitive or easy – for anyone. And as much as we love our babies, we can still get frustrated with them, and ourselves. We can love these precious babes with every bit of our beings, and still have really bad days. And a “great partner” understands that.
The greatness is how we work with this frustration and sadness, and how we care for ourselves, as well as our children. As working parents, we need to understand and have compassion for the person at home taking care of our children – whether that’s a spouse, partner or nanny. That person probably had a wayyy harder day than you did, even though they spent it with precious faces.
So Mila and Ashton, if you decide to hire a nanny – and you can afford one – don’t beat yourself up. You’ll still know Baby Wyatt’s cries and coos. She’ll still know your scent and perk up at your voice. You will still be a great mom and dad. Mostly because you admitted that it does take a village. And sometimes, that village is hired help. And Ashton, if one day you come home and Mila is a little snippy, the baby is crying, the fridge is empty and the house is wreck, tell Mila that she is still the best mom you could ever want for your daughter. And mean it.