« 8 Tips To Navigate Disney From A Guru | Main | Dream Cleaning: My Ideal Housekeeper To-Do List »

February 24, 2014


Stephanie Schuler

It's always important to vet your potential nannies or babysitters. As a preschool teacher in Chicago, you better believe that I take the time to get to know the gal that will be with my kids on a daily basis!


So true Sheila. That is terrible to fire a nanny because your kids love her! Isn't that the point? Don't we all want to find someone like that? Mariah has always been shallow, and not very wise.


You are obviously smarter and more self assured than Mariah. Being jealous of your children's connection to their nanny is emotionally immature, and you made excellent points about why.


I completely agree! It was more important for me to find someone that fit as a nanny than to be concerned my twins 3 also) were going to become more attached to them. It's hard to put our own needs and insecurities aside but I. Do want my kids attached to as many loving adults as possible. I think it may be more detrimental to the children to allow them to get attached and then suddenly their gone and then keep repeating that process.


Thanks for this write-up. I feel sorry for her kids as they have less stability and will be less likely to build a relationship with nannies which only makes the nanny's job much harder. It is easier to get kids to do what you want when you have a trusting, respectful relationship.
She sounds insecure.


I do completely agree with the author. Even though I sometimes feel a bit surprised when my kids ask for my nanny, I remind myself that this is what I wanted all along. I do not want my kids to miss me and be sad when I am at work. I would be very worried if it was the opposite situation and they did not want to be with the nanny at all.


I cannot believe how much this hits home. My amazing, fabulous and purely wonderful nanny and I talked about this just the other day. She had commented that she has left jobs due to parents being visibly upset because the kids were getting "too attached" to her. She did not feel as if she could do her job with ease. She cared about the kids too much to cause discontent in the family. In my home, she IS part of the family. I have never trusted anyone else more with my children's health, well being and happiness. I know that my nanny and I are on the same page (usually without even knowing it at first) and my children are being cared for as well as they could possibly be. I will happily put fear of losing my children's love (how silly) in the bin. Thank you for the post, and the insights.


Not surprised. Mariah always struck me as insecure type. I read that her husband was out to lunch and he got more and more annoyed bc Mariah kept on calling him. Repeatedly.


Mariah's statement was ridiculous. Like you pointed out, I don't think she understands what nannies offer. One-on-one personal attention for our babies and children.


Very good article. It seems very insecure of Mariah to do that to her children, this insecurity affects the children as well. The feeling of loss every so often will create a very insecure environment for the children. Thanks for the post.

Never Again

I was fired right before Christmas after working for my family for two years. I'd been with the little 50+ hours a week during that time. It broke my heart and even after two months I'm still grieving that child. I never got to even say goodbye. My crime was I bonding too closely with her... And the mother resented it. I'm very glad I'm not working there because I now don't have to deal the mother's jealousy but it makes my heart break for this little ones emotional development...absent parents and rotating caregivers = attachment disorders. Moms the nannies and caregivers you choose play such an important job in the development of your child...either trust them or stay home and do it yourself. It's a team effort. Parenting isn't about how it makes you feel but about what's best for your child. I will personally never be a nanny again but as I'm pregnant and in grad school know that one day I will most likely share my child with a caregiver...I can chose to make decisions about what makes me feel good or look to the developmental needs of my child first.

Sharie R

Sounds like Mariah is insecure about her children's love for her.I work in child welfare and deal with parents who have made some terrible mistakes with regards to parenting and their children even when in a more stable foster home still crave their mothers! So a nanny is no competition to the bond estalished between a child and a busy working mom who is loving attentive and consistent! Parents should rejoice when they are able to establish a wonderful caretaking partnership with nannies, preschool teacher etc!


I agree I'm not here to attack Mariah in anyway but how are your kids going to know stability if they have people popping in and out of their lives randomly I know me being a mother I dont want just person after person after person and my sons or daughters life for the simple fact that they're going to think that that's how the world works and it doesn't. stability gets results stability maintains family stability is the key not back and forth and inconsistents


My 3 year old daughter calls my sister "mommy" whenever she babysits her at her house and as soon as I'm around "mommy" becomes "tatie". I think in her little mind, it makes it easier for her. It makes her less sad to know she has a mommy there with her too while I'm working. She also did the same thing with her old babysitter's daughter who's about my age. The lady who was watching her at that time was older, so she was "grandma" and her daughter who loves her unconditionnaly was "mommy". I am happy to know that they love her and that's why she feels comfortable to call them "mommy".

Mrs. H

I agree with all of you^! It take a village to raise a child. I personally would rather trust a nanny than to allow my child to go to daycare. I would love to be able to let my child connect with another adult that will love and take care of them IN THE RIGHT WAY. You have Soooo many people out here that would abuse your children if you're not careful. You must remember to always put your children before self! Be blessed to have someone that loves your child or children the way you do and someone that's not trying to over step their boundaries. Nannies are people too, they have feelings. As much as the child connects with them; your nanny connects with your child. Be careful because you could have had something different (you see the horror stories/videos out here). The only other women I trust with our daughter is my mom and my sisters, that's it!


Mariah, what a fool!!! Everything's not about you, and I really feel sorry for those kids. It doesn't matter how much money you have, kids need normal secure parents that will teach them empathy and compassion for others. Firing someone who does their job and does it well is not a good lesson for children.

M. Lewis

This article, I thought would be helpful, however what started out as insight into what some mothers share in pros and cons of Nanny experience turned into a Mariah bashing experience. This very successful entertainer is after all a woman just like the rest of us. Most people who are very successful and had difficult and/or troublesome pasts have insecurities of many different kinds. Why can't we empathize and take her into our mental arms and wish her success in relieving her insecurities while trying to maintain her Olympic career in the music industry, dealing with the negative press, keeping her marriage together, overseeing the business part of her career, maintaining a relationship while globe trotting to her many performances. Women unite and support and stop denegrating at every opportunity.


I think it's funny this blog author compaires her job and life with Mariah Carey. She is nuts.


Thank you for making great points in and about the article....

Speaking of love and connection with children; let's be kind,in words, to the child still living in Mariah. She has been honest about her fears and we offer attacks rather than helpful words? It seems she may not have been blessed with secure attachment, and still feels fear about close relationships.

Where does that inner drive, to do what is best for our child even when it's uncomfortable, originate? Is possible some of us are equipped with this inner strength? Others are still stuck in pure fear. Maybe, we could validate her fears by sharing we have feared similarly, as many of you kind hearts did :-) AND express how we jump the hurdle. Women supporting women, yes? Loving parents seeing the child in adults and loving them rather than judging. If we struggle with this way f being, maybe we are judging ourselves, and could stand some loving parenting from ourselves. Peace and love to children in all of us.

P J Kielberg-McClenahan

Dear Mariah,

First of all, the qualities that you should look for in a nanny is someone who:

Basically loves children.

Can relate to them as real people, not just as the "babysitting the offspring of the rich and famous."

Your nanny must have the same value system that you do. Considering your financial position, I would call upon the services of an agency that can provide me with a complete psychological profile, so as to ensure that your values are guaranteed to be installed with your children.

You need to understand that if your children expresses love for their nanny, this does NOT mean they do NOT love you. Please know that in order for your children to have a normal childhood, they NEED to love their nanny. To deprive them of this, is akin to SELFISHNESS. YOU choose to be an entertainer. OK. Broaden your scope to include the loving nannies for your children.

Nannies have been around for hundreds and thousands of years. Check out any countries with a Monarchy. Their children love their parents, but also love their nannies. Love is exponential. Love is NOT limited to EITHER nannies or parents. Well loved children can love parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, sisters and brothers, AND nannies. Love is NOT a limited commodity. If you establish and nourish a strong bond with your children, you will give them the freedom to have a loving relationship with their family or caretakers, without removing anything from their relationship with you.

Another Twin mom

I am also a mom of 3 year old twins. Mine have had the same nanny since the bambinos were 6 months of age. My kids love her and kiss her and hug her. the adoration is there, without doubt, for her and her finance who also pops in from time to time. But I have never experienced jealousy, not once, because at the end of the day my kids know who their mom and dad are. When I walk in the door at the end of a day, I am bulldozed by them and they fight over my lap. We love our weekends together, bonding, kissing, hugging, playing... but they still love their nanny and ask if she's coming over ... this is the ideal. If it wasn't my nanny, it might have been their grandma if we lived in a different generation.... I want my kids to love many people and since I don't find that threatening, I also recognize that they will love their mom and dad more than all of them because that's how we are programmed.


I am a former nanny who is still very close with the children I cared for as well as their mother who is now one of my dearest friends. The strong bond that was fostered between the children and I has endured and i now greatly enjoy being a part of their lives as they navigate early adulthood. They reach out to me for advice and their mother appreciates the perspective I am able to provide them. Children only benefit from having the widest possible circle of people who love and care for them. I'm glad my employer had the self confidence and wisdom to value the love I had for her children.

ann d.

WOW!! This has been an eye opening post. I guess there are some people out there that are insecure and will pass that on to their children. Remember that those little ones will eventually be adults and 9 out of 10 times they figure out where the damage comes from.

To all who allow a Nanny to love your children and appreciate that those children return love..BRAVO, you are raising normal healthy children that are learning to love and be loved, and congratulations on finding the perfect Nanny for your family. Hang on tight, the worst thing for children is to have people come and go that they are attached to.
To those who feel threatened by the relationship that your children have with Nanny, it is ok, because later in life there are plenty of professionals that will take their money for therapy and it will benefit the economy!

The comments to this entry are closed.


  • Great care starts with a conversation.
    Premium Members can unlock these tools for any caregiver:
    • Send unlimited messages
    • Access background check options
    • View reviews and references
    Not a member? Join today!