I like young nannies.  I like old nannies and middle aged nannies too. I should, one of Care.com's services is nanny-finding, right?!

But I recently had a friend tell me she wouldn’t hire a college kid to nanny for her family. "They're not mature, yet" she said. That startled me – do more parents feel this way?

I guess I understand. My mom had that theory when she was advising me on my first nanny (before I started Care.com). She was "old school" and gave the motherly advice of looking for someone who had raised a family already. I was a young mom myself, and she felt I could learn from someone with this experience.

We've had a variety of experiences in caregivers for our boys – an experienced, older mom, a "manny,"  an au pair and numerous college–age "date night" babysitters and vacation sitters. When hiring a nanny, does age matter to you? 

One colleague here said she prefers youthful nannies. Her first nanny was in her 50s and was always planning low-key activities. She felt her kids were bored. But her new nanny is in her late-20s and can keep up with her very active 4 and 2 year-old kids.

Another colleague said she prefers the young nannies with child development training, but has to carefully look for signs of maturity during the nanny interview process.

"You have to find the ones who are comfortable with themselves. The ones who won't be doing their hair or fixing their makeup while they could be playing with your kids," she explains.  She said she can usually tell if they’re a good fit by how they dress for their interview: big earrings equal a quick rejection.

Too harsh? Tell me, do you think age equals maturity when it comes to hiring a nanny? How did you decide your nanny was a right fit?


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As you might have heard, the new CEO of Yahoo, Marissa Mayer, just announced she is 6-months pregnant.

You parents out there might have the first wonderful reaction of "Congratulations!", "Yahoo!" (ha ha), or even "Who cares?!" But that was not the overall response Ms. Mayer received. Instead, people wondered if a new mom could still turn around a struggling company.

We can stop right here and mention the pure fact that this news story is troublesome to women. When male CEOs have a baby, does anyone worry that their company is going to fail? No. Why? Because they have support at home. And so will Marissa. Problem solved.

But I understand the initial shock. She’s a mom. And we Moms often have bigger expectations of ourselves – and of each other. How will she juggle it all? I understand that having a baby in your life – a newborn – is incredibly hard work, possibly some of the hardest work I’ve (personally) ever done. And your first is the hardest of all. When we are "out of the woods" of sleepless nights, teething, diapers and tantrums, we tend to block out those moments. Remember the exhaustion? The pain of nursing and recovering from labor? The frantic "Am I doing this right?" and "Why is this not working?" Did I mention the exhaustion? 

But all I can think about is the sweet baby's breath, the first smile when they are dreaming and all those wonderful moments of the first years of life (Can you tell I have babies on the brain too?). To have a baby is a blessing, and we should focus on how lucky Marissa and her husband are. No matter what jobs they do, they are about to embark on one of the most incredibly fulfilling jobs - parenthood.

And let's face it, juggling motherhood and the role of CEO isn't easy. There will be difficult travel schedules, late dinners and long meetings. There will be huge expectations and not enough hours in the day to tackle them. But I believe being a working mom will make her a better CEO. I can tell you that she will be a stronger multi-tasker, a more inventive teammate and a more compassionate boss. It won't be easy and she will need a very a strong support team (such as a nanny, night nurse, babysitters, pediatricians, parents, friends, message boards and supportive partner), but Moms have been doing this juggling act for years. And Marissa Mayer is no stranger to hard work.

The Atlantic recently published an article entitled "Why Women Still Can’t Have it All" and while the title was shocking and sad, author Anne-Marie Slaughter had a point: Company values need to change before women can truly have it all. I also believe that our own, personal definition of "having it all" needs to change. We women and working mothers need to step away from our idea of perfection. We need to let go of the "having it all" concept. Living up to this ideal becomes baggage and weighs down our own pride in the successes we've already accomplished. Without this dead weight, ladies, we can soar.

Maybe Marissa will change the company values for Yahoo. Maybe she will create a thriving web experience that supports women in an even better way, convincing her stock holders and board members that a working mom is an incredible asset a company can have.  And I'm confident she'll be a terrific role model for women that juggling things is okay and although there may seldom ever be perfect days, leading a company, while being a loving mom is absolutely doable. 

Tell me: Does your company support working moms? If you were a CEO, how would you make life easier for working parents?

I know I said I wasn’t going to judge any groups of moms for not being "Mom-Enough."  I know I praise all the work of multi-tasking multi-efficient working moms and dads. And I know I stand by it. So I will only talk from the experience of myself – and my working mom friends – who saw a lot of themselves in the recent New Yorker article on spoiled kids.

For quick clarification, I don’t think my sons are spoiled. They have responsibilities. They work hard to get good grades. But I do think that as a working parent, I look for their approval, sometimes more than they look for mine (which is exactly what the article states we do as we "spoil" our kids). During my time with them, I strive to make it fun and limit the whines any way that I can, even if it means doing something they should be doing themselves.

A colleague of mine agrees. She has Fridays off with her 4-year old who has recently stopped napping. Usually, his nanny encourages "quiet time" and "independent play" during the 2-3 hour stretch of time when his little sister sleeps and he doesn’t. But on Fridays, he only wants to be with his Mom. He wants to read with her, cook with her, garden with her. Whatever she’s doing, he wants to be at her side. And what can she say? I can tell you it’s not No. Mom Guilt is strong and Working Mom Guilt could be stronger. But does it lead to a more spoiled child? I don’t think so.

Spoiling our kids with time spent with us is not spoiling them. Especially if that time is spent learning from us, working hard by our side, being responsible people with us.

I think there is something to the fact that we working parents want to make our time with our kids more pleasant, so we spend less time being drill sergeants and more time being peace makers (no, not Hunger Games style!). At the same time, our parenting styles still come into play. I’ve told you I’m an "Honest Parent." This means that while my kids and I might be bonding over cooking together or hitting balls at a batting cage, I’m not giving false praise. I’m giving them real feedback on what they need to work on.

So spoiled, yes. They have nice things. And when I’m home, they have my attention and affection. Spoiled rotten? No. There is a difference.

The key is to look at your kids – no matter what age – and determine if you like what you see. Are they respectful? Do they have responsibilities? Do they care about doing a good job? Do they work hard without you pushing them? Do you interrupt them and do it yourself? Do you reward them even if they did a bad job?

Stay at home parents, working parents: we are all working hard to create well-balanced, smart, kind kids. And from my experience, no matter what your job is, the kids will respect you more if you are honest with them. They like you more if they have to earn your love. Even if no matter what, in your eyes, they are the best work you’ve ever done.

What do you think: Are your kids spoiled? Do you worry your kids won’t like you if you are too mean? Do you think working mom guilt causes a more spoiled child?

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I recently heard from a friend who had found a babysitter on Care.com, but it wasn’t the right fit. There are lots of reasons that a match may not work out all the time, but in this case, the member felt she had done everything right. She had posted a job for someone to take care of her preschooler and Kindergartner 3 hours a day, every day, for the after-school hours. She interviewed babysitter candidates, checked references and background check and hired someone she thought had the best qualities: energetic, good with kids and affectionate. She pictured her kids doing art projects, playing in the yard, reading books, dancing around to the latest Baby Einstein CDs.

So imagine her surprise when she came home early one day to find her babysitter on the couch watching TV, while the kids played with iPads.

So what went wrong? It turns out she just didn't create her job post accurately. She didn’t realize what she wanted from the sitter until she hired someone who seemed great.

But I think the stand-out issue is that she requested a "Sitter" instead of a "Part-time Nanny."

Now, many of you with fantastic babysitters will disagree, but I think of a "sitter" as someone who cares for the child and is ready in an emergency. They’re your date night hires, the must-run an errand hire, the help out here and there person. They will call 911, play games, read stories. But if you’re looking for someone who will grow with the child, challenge him with developmental tools, tutor, plan creative play, I’d advise you look for someone who considers herself a nanny.

So we encouraged this member to post a job for a 'Part-time Nanny' instead of a babysitter and explain what she wanted the person to do in her job description. She's found a better match for her kids — and comes home to great artwork hanging on the fridge.

What do you think? Have you had better experience with nannies…or babysitters?

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By now, you've all heard about the bullied bus monitor, Karen Klein, a 68-year old Greece, NY grandmother, in charge of keeping middle school students safe – who instead, was verbally abused by 4 of the boys she was there to protect.  They bullied her with taunts, insults and profanity, and someone filmed it.

Since the video was released, a stranger in Toronto started a fundraiser with the idea of sending Klein on a nice vacation. It has since raised over $650,000.

But the bigger issue is not being addressed. I love that the international community has rallied to send Klein to Disney World, but the root of the problem is that today's youth can be so painfully mean – and are their parents to blame?

A recent article our team created is on how to raise a gentleman and provides 10 strategies to create kind, empathetic boys who listen and have good manners (sounds like a dream, right?!). In it, the experts say that kids who are gentlemen don't bully and are less likely to be bullied. They also stand up for their friends.

The experts say that talking about feelings is one tactic to raising an empathetic child. First, ask your son how he feels about something. Then ask him what he thinks another person is feeling. You can do this when reading books, after witnessing everyday interactions or when they're older, watching the news.

Other tips include teaching boys to listen to peers, and not just focus on one's self; make eye contact to gauge how others are feeling; smile at strangers to brighten up a room; practice table manners at home; write thank you notes – and have parents be a role model for good behavior.

That leads me to the parents of these boys in Greece, NY. Do they feel responsible? Should they? One report stated that the parents wrote apologizes to Ms. Klein (their kids were made to as well), but Klein was left questioning their sincerity. However, one father apologized in person with a hug, which she said felt more genuine.

Parenting is a challenge, I know. I'm raising two boys myself. And I've struggled with how to teach them compassion and responsibility. We talk about our feelings a lot. They also have good role models, but it's been hard – and sometimes kids can be so different at home than when they are around their peers.

As a parent myself, I would feel responsible if one of my sons was a bully. I know we can't control all of their actions all of the time. But it's our job as parents to raise good, kind people. And if our child is a bully, we as parents need to take a good long look at ourselves.

Tell me, how do you think the parents of the accused boys should respond? How would you handle hearing that your child is a bully?