A recent topic on our Working Mom Message Board was from a mom who has a very "social" au pair. Meaning, she has a blog and is active on social media outlets.
And this mom is (understandably) concerned. Wouldn't you be?
As a parent, you don't know who is reading, following, sharing...lurking. You feel out of control.
I know one mom who "friended" her favorite babysitter and found pictures of her 1-year old son all over her wall. And comments. People she didn’t know knew her son and wanted to "pinch his cheeks" again. She said it was weird, but she was okay with it. She figured, it was her part-time nanny, someone she used a few days a week until they got off a daycare waitlist, someone they trusted. But she also asked that the status updates only include past details – not sharing where they were currently playing or going to visit. And no "Checking In."
Most everyone uses Social Media these days, and your nanny is bound to want to read and post things throughout the day. But here's what you should consider doing to protect your family's privacy. You also have to "friend," "follow" and subscribe to her reports. She may not be comfortable with you seeing her weekend activities or late nights with her friends and if she's not, set some rules and put them in your nanny contract to make sure they are clear.
- Ask her to turn off location recognition that reveals the town she is posting from. This is not just on Facebook, but most social media sites.
- If you are okay with her posting pictures of your child, ask her not to tag you in them, and make sure they are not posted when she/he is still in that location.
- Change post settings so they can only be seen by his or her Friends, not Friends of Friends.
- No names of your children should be revealed.
- The area/location of your house should never be shared.
- No blog discussions about your family.
- No "Checking In."
Now, I have to admit, I post pictures of my kids all the time. It's how I connect to family across the country. Most parents I know do. But as the parents, we feel like we have control of that situation -- even if we really don't.
Tell me, are you friends with your sitters and nanny on Facebook? What are your social media rules?
I nanny for a lovely family part time. I started when their infant girl was only 4 months and still sleeping a lot. They were open about being ok with me bringing my computer or using theirs when other nanny duties were done and baby sleeping. In conversation mom and dad had both voiced their "no desire" in facebook or other social media. Email pictures to family members works fine for them. As my employers that being said was enough for me to know that they would not want to to post any pictures of their sweet baby on the internet. I do however take pictures of her all day and send a few to mom and dad for smiles and to brighten their day. I load them on my computer and email to mom and dad once a month or so. I do share with my grandkids and or other family members but would never post on the internet. I'm not a big fan of it myself but because my daughter has post her own sons birth to his two and half years now I follow right along to show off my grandson. If she was not doing so, I definitely would not. I totally agree that would be impolite to share private information regarding your employers home or where you are with their child. We should follow and respect how they feel wether we agree or not. Nanny in LA.
Posted by: Theresa | June 18, 2012 at 11:58 PM
I am a nanny/babysitter and although I do check Facebook during the day, I would NEVER dream of posting personal information (names, etc.) or photos of the kids I watch. The children's mother is my Facebook friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. They trust their children with me. They should be able to see the whole picture.
Posted by: Colleen | June 19, 2012 at 08:29 AM
Hi Sheila! I thought this was a really interesting article. I'm actually a nanny and serial babysitter, rather than a parent, but I agree with your article- I think I have far too many friends who are nannies and post pictures of "their children" on Facebook. From a nanny or babysitter's point of view, the only thing that I personally do different is to not accept a friend request from a family I work with until I have a close, working relationship with that family- minimum waiting period of about 6 months. That being said, I am friends with the mom of the family I nanny for, and post pictures on her wall all the time of her baby- and she loves it. However, I don't post pictures of her child (or anyone else's) on my own wall. I will occasionally snap a picture of a drawing someone did for me during a job, a winning video game score, a fun baking project, or a nifty blanket fort. Even then, I never identify a child by name; generally, the pictures are captioned with some variation of "I love my job!". Again though, I wait until I am home to post stuff like this- I generally don't even have time to mess with my phone and upload pictures unless it's a late night job. Anyways, sorry for the long-winded response, but I wanted to let y'all know how I personally handle the social media dilemma. Have a great day
Posted by: Alyssa | June 19, 2012 at 08:57 AM
As a parent and caregiver, I think these social media rules are both reasonable and prudent. As you stated in your blog, you have the right to control when you post photos or comments about your family but I think it would be unprofessional and an invasion of privacy for the nanny to do so. I also feel that it could be a safety hazard if the nanny posted travel plans with your child and used the locator function as well. I think social media use is inevitable these days but it can be used with discretion and both you and your caregiver can reach an agreeable solution with a clearly defined policy. Great blog Sheila!
Posted by: Traci Buxton | June 19, 2012 at 08:58 AM
my .02 is this: Being a nanny is a full time job (or part time if that's your position), and should be treated as such. My employer frowns strongly on using social media in the work environment. So do I. When the baby is napping, nanny should be taking her break too. Break time is Nanny's time to use media if she must, but when the baby is awake, we want her to be present in the moment with the child she is responsible for. No social media during work time at my house. You don't text while driving, you shouldn't tweat (or facetime, or whatever the next new thing will be) while working.
Posted by: Duane | June 19, 2012 at 09:28 AM
I think these are all good guidelines and a discussion parents should have with thier nanny, but what about the fact that the nanny is connecting to social networks while on the job? I have had a nanny who was constantly on Facebook and Twitter and texting friends instead of watching my son. In fact, on the advice of Care.com, I decided to check out what she was posting, and not only were there pics of my son, naming him and thier location, but also I learned she was Tweeting while driving my son to school! It is dangerous enough that while they were at the park, etc., her attention was divided between my son and her iPhone, but to Tweet and drive was too much. Additionally, I found pics she posted of a strange man sleeping on my couch, time-stampled for a weekend while my family was at Disneyland -- and she did not have permission to have guests. I let her go after that!
Posted by: Pearson | June 19, 2012 at 09:48 AM
The above guidelines seem reasonable. our current care providers are friends with my on Facebook, and one occasionally posts photos with my son, but rarely. I've gotten to know his family and when I tag him in photos on my Facebook they often comment how much they love seeing my son, which is nice. In all honesty I have less problem with what our nannies post about my kids than what my own parents do!!! But that's a whole other article. :-)
Posted by: JCB | June 19, 2012 at 10:57 AM
As a nanny, I have never posted personal info about the families I've worked for online - ever. They are not my family, it is not my place to post pictures, names, locations, etc.
However, I have also never "friended" my bosses. My personal life - which includes my social media interactions (My settings are purely friends only)- is NOT the business of ANY boss in any setting. The only exceptions made in that were my son graduating high school, and my mother's death; both required time off for me.
I would not work for a person who decided they need to know all aspects of my personal life. It is an invasion of privacy.
Posted by: Lisa | June 19, 2012 at 10:05 PM
This article was absolutely fitting for this day and age where anyone and everyone is in some way connected to social media. Even my most conservative of parents are on FB. I enjoy having one of my kids whom I have known for almost 8 years, her mom and a few other moms (both past and present) are all on my "friends". I am a very proud nanny, my kids are my world and I love to show them off. All of my parents know I take pictures whether my phone or their personal cameras (I love photography and especialy capturing those priceless "kodak moments" for my families) I am like the official photographer in some cases. I only post or update my social networks when I am off, like a recap of my day with my babies or occasionally a quick pic post during nap time. I do respect all my employers and I take my safety as well as the safety and privacy of my families with the utmost importance. Never disclosing location or family names. I believe being very open and communicative is paramount, my families know and trust I do not put any kind of info that could potentially put me or my kids in any kind of unwanted situation. I haven't had any parent lay down a rule for this as I explain my phone rule at the door. I always ask if they mind if I take pictures at the door also, typically they do not. I agree with your rule ideas and the pointer about location is something I had not thought of but this is something I will always keep in mind now, thanks!
Posted by: Thai | June 24, 2012 at 02:59 AM
I recently fired my babysitter becuase she became very involved in my personal life, and distructive to it. I lived with my boyfriend, and Colleen became more and more agressive about influencing me to break up with him, while also developing a friendship with him. At the time I thought we were becoming friends- she has confided in me about her boyfriend cheating on her and I tried to be there to listen to her and comfort her. In the beginning she was great with the kids, but over the last 6 months of her employment she became more depressed and didn't want to do anything with them but sit on the couch. She didn't attempt to pick up after them or herself. I had become friend with her on Facebook and noticed alot of late night partying during the week. Somewhat undertandable for a 23 year old...Then she started cancelling on me at the last minute, once before a weekend trip out of town. That was the last straw for me. I told her she would not be needed anymore. Now, she has become Facebook friends with my now ex- boyfriend, and it appears that they are having a wonderful time drinking together all over town and posting picture on Facebook. I made a huge mistake trying to be friends with my children's babysitter, in real life and on the Web. I am deeply hurt knowing that she may have been trying to sabotage my realationship for an entire year. She obviously has no integrity, morals, or conscience. A cliche that women worry about all the time, is a cliche for a reason. I certainly hope this doesn't happen to anyone else looking for reliable child care on Care.com.
Posted by: Kristen | July 12, 2012 at 02:28 PM
I don't include the children I care for in any social media that I participate in and so my blog, facebook, twitter, tumblr are none of the family's business. The mother friended me on Facebook a few years ago, but I quickly realized it was not professional for her to be so involved in my personal life and blocked her from seeing my posts.
I do take a lot of photos of the kids and I together, but they are just for me because I love them and want to remember the things we do together.
Posted by: Kristin | July 20, 2012 at 08:00 AM