« Keep the Bus Moving: Shifting Gears into Back to School | Main | School Daze: Sending Sick Kids to School »

September 12, 2011

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451b0f069e20154355e0648970c

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference The Madness of Spanking?:

Comments

Karl Knight

I remember a lot of the spankings I received as a child because they were brutal, it seemed to me they were less about punishing the behavior and more about inflicting pain. That being said as a single parent of two very young children spanking is something that I make a very concentrated effort to avoid, however, for some of the behaviors exhibited by my children I have spanked, but I caution myself before doing so to remember why I am spanking, is it out anger or for sheer discipline, this has helped me temper that method with wisdom and in several cases stopped me from doing so and just sat them down and told them about their behavior and how it is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.
I am not sure about the long term affects does it make you better or worse, I truly believe it is all in the context of the method used, verbal admonishment if used wrongly can leave the same scars...there seems to be no clear cut answer in my book I just believe parents should apply their methods with love and wisdom instead of disdain for the actions of the child and their anger at those actions.

Alex

I was spanked as a child and not just by my mother or father. I'll always remember when my uncle wallopped me in the middle of the street for disrespecting my mother. I have looked back on some occasions when I got hit and felt negatively about it, but not because I got hit, because I felt I didn't deserve it.

Angela

I was beyond spanked as a child, but only very very rarely ever spank my children. I only reserve it for instances where safety is an issue, like my 4 year old running into the street, and even then, it's a swift pat on the bum just once. My older children get privileges taken away.

dexnew

Proper spanking is essential to the development of children -- in the molding and shaping of their character.

Kim

Frankly, I think that making parents feel guilty about spanking their children has led to the disrespectful and out of control youth today. Both my husband and I were spanked growing up and turned out to be successful individuals and parents. We also set boundaries on how to spank our children. This created a responsible boundary on the action. We used a wooden spoon and tapped the thigh 3 times and it didn't take many of these to set the record straight. Our children grew up with respect for adults and there peers. We have always been told how respectful, polite and personable our children are. Some individuals mesh beatings and spankings together. They could not be further apart. Beating a child is abusive. It's when the punishment goes beyond just a discipline. It's hurtful and scary. I believe in spanking when necessary and also explaining to the child why it occurred. I raised balanced and respectful individuals who never touched another individual. Today's youth are out of control and have no respect for an authority figure let lone their parents, peers and themselves. Why? I believe because of the lack of discipline. I cringe when I see children as young as 2 screaming and hitting their parents. This displays a total lack of respect. We never allowed this behavior. Timeout doesn't work.

John Cochran

I would like to see a rebuttal article titled "The Madness of People Who Think Spanking is Wrong". Spanking has been a tried and true discipline throughout the history of mankind. It's only during the last couple of decades that liberals have been trying to make their thoughts on spanking part of the cultural norm. I don't think it's any coincidence that over the same time period, children are more misbehaved and disrespectful than ever.

On a regular basis when I'm out in public with my children, parents will approach me and ask me my secret for raising such well-behaved children. They are in complete dismay at how their children can be such animals and mine are little angels. I give them a very simple answer, "I spank them". I don't enjoy doing it but I recognize that it's a necessary part of parenting for most children. Do the children fear spanking? Of course, that's why they behave. Do they fear me? Of course not. We were just down on the floor last night wrestling around. They were laughing and giggling their heads off. We regularly play board games, and we have a great time in general. But before I'm their buddy, I'm their parent and part of parenting is teaching them right from wrong. I reward them for good behavior and punish them for bad behavior. It's as simple as that.

One more tidbit before I quit writing. I was spanked as a child and so were all of my friends. I know without question that I don't have any lifelong trauma from being spanked and as far as I can tell my friends don't either. The liberals who talk about the scars from spanking are acting as though spanking is some sort of new experiment. This has gone on for a long, long time and far and away the majority of people do not carry any scars from being spanked as a child. The experiment has been done and the results are quite clear. If liberals don't want to spank their children then fine more power to them. You can continue to put up with your children acting like animals and of course it will be the world's fault when these children grow up to act like disrespectful adults. All that I ask, is that liberals stay out of my life so that I can raise my children as I see fit.

Amy

Appropriate punishments for misdeeds when administered properly and with love are rarely harmful. The consequences of an out-of-control child that has never felt the sting of consequences for their actions is far more harmful to them and to society.

DJTown

Spanking? Why not? If spanking is not done in anger, but as a last resort to a particularly strong-willed child, I see no issue. I was spanked as a child and sometimes I'm sure it was out of frustration because as we all know kids can be stubborn and determined to disobey regardless of how many timeouts they're placed in. We have a three-year old. He is very strong-willed. Placing him in time-out is not a big deal to him. Actually, it's more work for us to make him stay put - I feel that I'm the one being punished not him! So, a spanking is in order. I don't believe I was scarred in any way by being punished with a wack now and then. Actually, I got very few spankings because I didn't want to be spanked. As I got older, my parents used the grounding deal one time. My mom put a stop to that. She said she felt grounded as well, so from then on it was either a spanking or loss of some privilege.

Daisy

I was spanked as a child, and I do believe it is an acceptable punishment. But disciplining my children, I feel, is more than just knee jerk reaction to unacceptable behavior. We must discipline in love. If you just smack a bottom with no explanation it can leave a child confused and unsure of why. (did she hit me because I'M a bad kid?) In our family, discipline goes far beyond the consequence. We remove our children from the situation (saving them the embarrassment of being corrected in front of others) and explain to them what they did, why it is unacceptable and that the consequence is a spanking. We never dole out the consequence on the first offense. This leaves them room for the "I didn't know" argument. After that first time, however, they have chosen to disobey and therefore have chosen the consequence. After punishment is delivered, it's then time for us to love on them. Giving hugs and reassuring words. We love you, just don't love that thing you chose to do. And because we love you and want you to understand what's right we must discipline. All that being said, of course spanking is not the only option in discipline. The older a child gets, the more options are open. Punishing by taking away a favorite toy or activity is also an acceptable consequence. So I believe spanking, when done correctly and in love instead of anger, is a very effective tool and not harmful at all. The key is to do it correctly. If you can't because you get too angry, spanking isn't a good idea for you and your family. Everyone is different.

Ryan Camire

Yes, I was spanked as a child and I believe that it was the only thing that kept me in line. My parents tried the timeouts and the "grounding" but they didn't work. Spanking worked, and I am glad they did it.

Proverbs 22:5 says: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Likewise, Proverbs 23:13-14 says "Withold not corrections from the child; for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shall beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

Spanking, as long as it is done right and not out of anger, but in love because our Heavenly Father disciplines us as well, is one of the best tools that we have as parents.

unknown

I am not sure about a discipline survey, but I do know the bible says spare the rod spoil the child. I was spanked when I was a child, and I do see how it mad a change in my life, for the better. Half of the people who write these articles have no children, or if they do somebody else is raising their children(nannies)

Carrie S.

As the oldest (female) child in your basic 4-person family, my two-years-younger brother and I were spanked by my father only. Very rarely did my mother spank. That said, my father also would cross the line out of anger, either verbally or physically...though if you asked him he would never say he was abusive. I'm on the fence.

I do not spank my children, and I, like my parents have an oldest (daughter) with a son two years younger. As someone that went through this, inside my heart I know that it really has no lasting impact...spanking loses all of it's power the moment your child is old enough to tell a parent "I am too old for spankings, and if you hit me you are now considered an abusive parent (in less practical language likely.)" On that day, that I said that to my father, I saw the realization in his eyes - along with a small bit of "Wow, well...how do I do this discipline thing now?"

I use time outs as teachable moments - and I see my children learning from them. A time out is painful for my daughter, who will cry all the way through it...but it closes with an understanding of what she has done to be in time out, apologies where needed, and a kiss and hug.

I think, that this method develops a respect for one's parents, that cannot be deteriorated through a one-moment realization, that you've outgrown discipline, or your child has, thereafter potentially losing control for good.

Melissa

Really good point Carrie. I was raised in the same type of situation and granted I haven't had any real reason to spank my 18-month old, my husband and I are already trying to figure out the whole discipline thing and what works - and hey if anyone has any suggestions for disciplining a biter - let me know!

A. S.

I was never spanked or hit as a child. My parents used time-outs, with-holding of privileges, and groundings alongside praise and granting privileges for good behavior in order to discipline, depending on the ages of me and my sibling. I have a great deal of respect for my parents and never had a need for "rebellion" against my parents, as they had respect for me as well. I use the same method on my son and so far have had good results. I truly think that this method is far more effective as a way of teaching acceptable behavior and allowing your children to grow and make decisions.

Julie

Like Carrie, I too was spanked as a child, for discipline, and as most spanking happens, always when my dad was angry. I do not spank my kids, and when they try to hit a friend or their sibling, as I'm giving the time-out, I'm able to say, "Has mommy or daddy *ever* hit you? No. That's right. Hitting is not okay."

I'm proud to break the spanking cycle. It takes more effort than hitting, but is so worth it.

george workman

I think that we have a very sick society when it comes to correcting children. Of course there is a time for spanking. If anyone bothers to read their bible they will know that. Either correct them or keep them at home. Why should I have to set and listen to some child scream at the top of their lungs while I am trying to eat a meal that I am going to have to pay for.

CarrieLee

I, too, was spanked as a child. Sometimes in anger, most times not. My parents were loving and caring and I never felt abused.

What's most important is what follows the discipline: correction. Otherwise, you are just inflicting physical punishment.

Hitting and spanking are NOT interchangeable, nor is punishment and discipline. Teaching your child proper behavior following the punishment is discipline. Failing to teach your child afterwards and only spanking is simply punishment. There must always be correction/teaching following a punishment, regardless of the method (spanking, time outs, etc.).

Mike L

While I understand that hitting a child is a no-no, I have found that spanking helped me stay on the straight-and-narrow as a child, and I find that the threat of spanking helps keep my girls (9 and 5) both in-line. So far over the past years, I've had to resort to it very, very infrequently. When put together with a comprehensive discipline plan that rewards good behavior and punishes poor choices and behavior, spanking isn't a scarring event for the kids. What has to go with it, however, is the REASON they're being spanked, and they have to understand what they did that was wrong, and why they are being punished. Without that, spanking is just hitting.

Tom

The Bible is as much a primer for childcare as it is an insight into a variety of other social topics, and our Heavenly Father's discipline typically involved death and destruction. Even if you look at how we discipline adults in society (i.e. prison), it's essentially a time out. We don't beat them senseless at which point they say, "Man, I realize now what I did wrong and won't do that again." Violence only begets violence, while communication and understanding brings about resolution, so you can either be a cave man or a scholar.

Jas

I was spanked with anger/passion as well, and it just creates spite in the child. But spanking with love and explaining, and praying with them works real well for me. Time outs do not work for my girl, she just laughs and enjoys it. But I spank only as a last resort. I try to use other methods, if they don't work then she gets a spanking. Taking away toys, games, computer time etc... Works as well, but when she gets out of hand she will get a spanking. Just the threat is enough sometimes.

K.L.

I can't believe people are still quoting the Bible on this....do we also stone adulterers, refuse to trim our beards, refuse to eat animals who chew the cud but do not "part the hoof" or sea animals without fins or scales, own slaves, shun menstruating women, etc. There is such a thing as the New Testament, and any idea that purposely inflicting physical pain on children is moral is just wacky. It seems even a bit more odd and sadistic when it is NOT done during anger but after reflection and calculation. Teaching kids that it's OK for you to hit them because you are bigger and stronger but they may not hit others is lunacy, and the data in reputable scientific studies is clear that spanking increases aggression in children over the long term.

Helen N.

As many have commented, the bible gives sound counsel about raising children.
It is clear that it is the parents responsibility teach, train and discipline. If children don't learn there is consequences to their bad behavior when they are young they certainly won't as adults and we have many unbehaved adults right now. The rod of discipline may be a spanking it could be a time out loss of responsibility. Each child is different what works for one may not work for the other. If the child does the bad behavior again then did the child learn from the initial discipline. Thus different forms of discipline may be necessary. But not abusive discipline that leaves injury. What it boils down isiit takes a lot of quality time to raise your child.

Justin

I don't think one or the other are more appropriate. Time outs and spankings are 2 very different things but can be used interchangably. It all depends on the situation. I have a 15 month old and have not had to dicipline em yet or choose which I would be more inclined to do, given the right circumstances either could be appropriate. I grew up with 3 brothers all of which were spanked and or put in time out. Neither of us are emotionally scarred and without quoting scripture ( I don't know if u recall the insanely brutal Crusaders) I believe as long as your not being abusive and using too much force spankings can be a very convincing way to keep your kids on the straight and narrow where timeouts are more passive and for me less convincing, I'd be more inclined to get in trouble if all my punishment was to sit in a corner to think about what I did.

Sarah

Stop quoting the bible. It also says that women should be stoned to death. If you raise your child right, you will not need to spank. There are other more effective, less harmful ways of discipline.

mike k

I used to think spanking was the only way to convince my oldest son of the gravity of some offenses on his part. Though I still use spanking as a form of discipline, the need for it is becoming more and more rare.(possibly a testimony as to its effectiveness). A few of the survey questions trouble me. I would caution anyone about worrying too much whether any friend or family member APPROVE of your parenting methods. The children are your responsibility, no one elses.

Kim

The bible is a work of fiction meant as a guide for man- not literal translation. I can't believe how many of you justify spanking based on the BIBLE. Boy that sure must clear your conscience after you have hit your child! We are supposed educate ourselves and learn from our parents mistakes, not try to justify bad behavior with BS.

Eurabe

You are the reason this society is full of weak minded losers and why we are no longer a great nation. A time out is the biggest mistake ever created I have three children who were spanked as children and I have always received complements on how well behaved they are opposed to the time out parents who cannot control their children. You people really need to wake up and realize that this everybody wins mentality is breeding a naion of pus... I am an engineer and my wife is one of the top sales consultants for a 500 company so do not get the idea that we are not educated or poor. Spanking is a necessity and the sooner people realize that the sooner this nation will be on the path to recovery.

Joanna Ireland

I can count the number of times I was spanked, as a child, and each time I deserved it - I wasn't spanked out of anger, but as an "exclamation point" to drive home why I should/ shouldn't have done what I did/ acted as I did. Because it was rare and my parents discussed with me afterwords the transgression, the lessons stuck. I don't think it warped me as an adult. I have a 20-month old, and don't plan to spank him unless there is no alternative - but I'm going to use time outs (the "thinking chair" we called it)and introduce him to the "naughty bug" once he's old enough to understand the effects of his actions.

Diana

I am a mother of a 6 year old boy. I know what the Bible says. I understand it in principle as well.

That being said, I was spanked, and I wish very much that I had not been. It is not for me to truly know what went through my parents' minds, but when I look at my son, no matter what his childish misbehavior has been, I cannot bring myself to do what they did.

I would rather have a child with "too much" confidence than a child that cringes internally at the approach of any perceived authority figure, even into adulthood.

Karen W

I was also spanked as a child. My husband was abused. When we had children I was on the fence about spanking because I was spanked and I turned out OK (no lasting mental scars), but he said that there would absolutely be no spanking. And if i really wanted to spank them, I needed to have an argument that was better than 'I was spanked and I turned out OK'.
Now that we have 2 kids, I totally agree. I've never had to spank them because we have found other methods that work very well for each of them (it's not an easy process, I grant you). Time outs work for one and a point based reward system works for the other. One is sensitive and wants to please and the other just doesn't want to lose privileges.
In fact, now I am very against the idea of spanking because at the heart of it, I can't get past hurting a child. They are small and defenseless and look to us to protect them.

R R

There's a difference between spanking and hitting. I was spanked as a kid and if my parents did it in anger, it was because I did something wrong and they were angry with me and I deserved the spanking because I did something wrong and doing something wrong made them angry. I spank my children and it corrects their behavior immediately and we're over it and can move on with the day! No drawn out time outs or grounding to enforce for days. As for them getting older, it's the respect and love and self discipline that you as a parent create in them young that keeps them as they get older. Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. We are not raising children, we are growing adults. We discipline our children so we like them, so other people will like them, and as adults they will like themselves.

Jamie

My issue with spanking is that if you did it to someone over the age of 18 you would be arrested for assault. Why does it make sense that it is against the law to hit another adult(and I'm in no way condoning hitting anyone) but we can hit our children who are not able to defend themselves and are not even half our size?! I understand the rules of a 'proper spanking' (although I dont believe there is such a thing) but I believe it reenforces a do as I say not as I do style of parenting. There is always a creative way to discipline a child without laying a hand on them. Most parents just give up too quickly.

Angela

I am shocked at how many people quote the bible on spanking. Firstly, "spare the rod, spoil the child" was originally meant to read as a command to "spare the rod." only later did interpreters infer the if-then relationship in the quote. God, the Bible & religion in general has been used to justify immense human injustices throughout history. I was spanked as a child and only learned was hurt, distrust and anger. Studies show that spanking increases aggression, depression & propensity for abusive relationships (both victim & abuser) as an adult. Spanking a child is a blatant case of abuse if power & child maltreatment. My husband & I do not spank our children. Although are choices are not always popular with our families, we feel this is best. Instead, we use time-outs & and redirection. Our children our loving, thoughtful & empathetic people. We believe that respect is learned, and we teach by example.

michelle mowder

I do not agree with spanking. I was spanked or yelled at as a child to try to control my behavior and, although it didn't ruin me, I did harbor some resentment towards the way my parents used spanking and yelling as behavior control.
Children copy many things that their parents do. My 5 year old copies the way I brush my teeth. I had spanked her very lightly before upon following my mothers advice on trying to do behavior modifications and I felt that it not only did no good in correcting the behavior but also was a way of role modeling the unfortunate truth that "its ok to hit someone if they are doing something you don't agree with."
Therefore, my husband and I agreed that we would "break the cycle" of hitting and not spank or yell at our child. My husband was physically and verbally abused by a step parent and we are very satisfied by the good results we have had in using time outs, withholding tv time, and talking about why our child has done something wrong and how it makes us feel, instead of spanking.
I believe that when parents respect children as little people instead of trying to control them they will raise a good kid and a better citizen, instead of someone who solves problems by violence and yelling.

J.K.

It seems contradictory to say we should hit our children out of love. If hitting our children is the only way to really ensure our children are raised to be responsible and respectful members of society, I think that's a sad commentary on our creative abilities to influence our children to behave; frankly, it seems like the lazy way out. We do not hit our friends or our co-workers to solve problems; we do not use physical violence to influence our team members at work to perform at a higher standard. Why would we teach our children this as a way to gain control over someone else's actions? Finally, where would you draw the line - hitting someone with your hand is ok, but not with a belt, or other items that would make it more painful? I have a 12 year old who is not perfect, but generally behaves. From the time she was small, consistent use of timeouts and withholding of privileges have worked for corrective action. Would it have been easier to hit her? Probably, but I never wanted her to think it was ok to hit someone else unless extreme situations necessitated her to be physical (e.g. fighting back against someone with poor intentions). Additionally, i wanted her to learn to solve problems by figuring out what motivates people and working to influence change by leveraging those motives. It's not always perfect, but better than hitting a small child to gain control over them in my book.

Lia

I think the forms you use for discipline are different based on the child, what works for one might not work for another. My daughter does not respond well to timeouts and I have tried many different discipline methods (positive reinforcment, redirection, consequences) with her and she responds well to spanking. I was spanked as a child, I have no trauma or bad feelings toward my parents and I think I deserved to be spanked, I remember being a pretty naughty child. I'm sure I passed that on to my daughter. There is a big difference between a spank and "abuse" and I think anti-spankers need to remember that. Most parents dont want to spank their children, they do so as a last resort. We all want our children to grow up and be well behaved and thrive in society. If you let you child run wild becuase your to afraid of what others think of your spanking, your not doing your kids any favors. Only you know your child and what discipline works for them.

Julie

Spanking is a lazy person's discipline. It takes patience and intelligence to create appropriate consequences to behavior that don't involve violence. There is no difference between spanking an abuse. You are striking a child - that's abuse. If you did the same to an adult, you'd be in jail but because you either created a life or one was given to you, you somehow have a "right" to strike it. It makes no sense. I was hit as a child and all it did was make me sneaky, a better liar and resentful. As a parent, my son will never feel that sting but he will always know his actions have consequences.

As for quoting the bible, do you also believe in stonings? What about multiple wives or slaves? Is that okay? It's in the bible.

carter

"My issue with spanking is that if you did it to someone over the age of 18 you would be arrested for assault."

Well, if you disciplined anyone over the age of 18 it would probably be illegal in some way. Society doesn't encourage forcibly detaining people and confining them to a chair or room in your house as punishment for bad behavior.

If you say "Has mommy or daddy *ever* hit you? No. That's right. Hitting is not okay." after your kid hits someone, what do you say when she/he traps another kid in a chair? You have many rights over your children that they don't have over others. And you have rights and responsibilities to your children that you don't have to other adults.

I believe that all children respond differently to punishment and what a time out does for one child a spanking will do for another. My 3 yr old is very stubborn and I thought he would only respond to spankings as punishment (he takes after me, lol). But he just shrugged off the first and only spanking he ever got so he's been getting time outs -he can't stand the lack of attention for even a few minutes ;)

Steve

I was spanked as a child, and have no ill effects from it. Looking back, I would have to say my mother did it out of caring, as she wanted me to grow up and be the responsible person I am today.

I also spank, when necessary. I try other methods such as explaining to our children why what they are doing is wrong, time outs, taking away toys/privileges, but sometimes those things do not change the child's behavior. I do not spank out of anger, since I know anger causes people to lose control and it is too easy to over spank. I always follow up spanking with a hug and an explanation of why I have to do it.

I would love to see a blog about alternative methods of discipline, as I do not like spanking my children, and always keep it as a last resort for when everything else fails.

suzanne

I was spanked occasionally but more out of anger than for any real transgression. It built resentment not discipline. My spouse was physically abused. We do not spank our children. Numerous studies have shown it doesn't help and we feel that it teaches children to deal with their anger by hitting. Children imitate better than they listen!

I consider myself blessed that I have been able to get parent education as part of my child's preschool and now know a number of ways to discipline besides spanking.

My favorite lesson on spanking came from one of my parent educator. She was in Texas speaking about the problems with spanking and a man came up afterwards to disagree with her. His response - "My parents spanked me all the time and I turned out fine. I'm on parole for the third time and doing great!"

Heather

I notice a lot of people are misrepresenting the Bible here.
The verses that speak of the "rod" are Proverbs 13:24 which states "He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently." ;
Proverbs 22:15 which states "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him."
and the most quoted Proverbs 23:14: "You shall smite him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol." (where smite means "Defeat or conquer" and Sheol is is the "grave", "pit", or "abyss" in Hebrew).

At first glance it appears as though these verses are condoning hitting your child. What we fail to gather from our English translation and lack of knowledge of Hebrew culture, is that the "rod" was not a baton. The term "rod" was used interchangeably with "measuring stick" because, quite simply, they used rods for measuring.

In this context, these verses convey a completely different message. We are to provide our children with a "measuring rod" or a standard to hold to, just as God does for us, his children. God does not "spank" us when we sin, as we do all the time. He has provided us with a "measuring stick" to try to live our lives by, always showing love.

We then teach our children through discipline (definition: training to act in accordance with rules).

That being said, I was spanked as a child and turned out all right, but I don't think for a moment that the Bible condones spanking. Children are resilient and just because you survive something doesn't make it right.

April

All Biblical stuff aside, spankings are good for some kids but don't work on others. Some kids respond well to time out. Some kids need much more than a time out. It also depends on the offense. To get all self-righteous about why or why not you spank is a waste of time and oxygen. Since every kid is different, discipline needs to be tailored for each individual.
I try not to judge how you raise your kids, since your kid, I'm sure, is different than mine. I believe there is a line between discipline and abuse. We aren't talking about abuse here. We are talking about a tap on the rear.

Laura

I think that spanking a child while upset can be a fierce way to "discipline" a child. If the parent is upset, he may hit harder than intended. I was never spanked but my brothers were. Actually it was beyond spanking and scarred all of our lives. Today my father would have been turned into CPS.
I think spanking is cruel and many children won't remember what they did wrong but will remember that their dad or mom hit them. And then these parents are surprised when they hit classmates. I wonder where they learned that when someone does or says something unpleasant, they feel free to hit.

April

My sister's son has never been spanked, but he sure hits his mother, other kids, and other adults. He watches almost ZERO tv (only sesame street), and plays no video games. Basically, he has never been exposed to anything physical. Let's all please not pass judgment unless we have credible data to backup our opinions.

Eddy G.

The fact is that humans learn best when the lesson is reinforced with pain or discomfort. I don't know how many times my aunt told me not to touch the iron because "It's hot and will burn you". I only truly understood what that meant after I had touched that hot iron. I learned a lesson that day based in fact on the pain I recieved. I couldn't tell you what I was wearing that day or what the weather was like, but I can still picture that iron vividly in my mind and I will forever associate that mental image with HOT and PAIN.

Spanking your child is absolutely no different. I am a police officer in Missouri and will tell you for a FACT that spanking your child to discipline them is not wrong, illegal, or even frowned upon in my circle of associates. We see the end result of the lack of discipline EVERY SINGLE DAY! Children need physical discomfort and sometimes pain in order to learn and understand the lessons we as adults impart.

People must understand spanking for discipline is much different than abuse. Discipline is done to reinforce a lesson, abuse is done simply to cause pain. abuse leaves mental and physical marks and scars. Spanking for discipline does not. I was spanked as a child and I remember the lessons and how dumb I was for doing the things I did to deserve a spanking. I don't resent or fear my Father and Mother for spanking me, I respected them.

I am the proud father of a 9 month old perfect bouncing baby boy and when he makes a mistake I will correct him, I will instruct him, I will demonstrate for him, and if I must I will discipline him.

If I catch my son crossing the street without looking both ways after I have told him, shown him, and demonstrated for him how to do it properly, I will reienforce that lesson with a swat on the butt. If I catch my son stealing after I have told him it was wrong to do so, I will reinforce that lesson with a swat on the butt. I will spank my son if it is necessary to reinforce the lesson, I will discipline him when and where I see fit, just as my parents did.

Adam

spanking is only nessicary if used as a disciplinary tool, without anger and within non abusive perameters.
Spanking should be used sparingly so you can avoid imprinting a sadistic or sociopathic behavior onto your child.
Time out? Really? Hmmmmm let's see how that has worked out so far.
We have more children then ever with social disorders, behavior disorders, authority disorders....seems to be working like a charm!
I have to say that I've observed parents that treat there children as equals and as though the child has developed deductive reasoning skills at four years of age...I want to shake that parent! Children don't reason the way we do and they NEED parents to model proper deductive reasoning skills. This is why we have teen pregnancy shows and shows that empower children to be disrespectful.
In summery...spanking-good. Time out-not so good.
Love your children and teach them...they want and need boundaries.
Peace  & 

big time

I have just been reading some of these comments and can hardly believe what I am reading. If you was spanked and I mean spanked not abused and it left mental scars and not physical scars then you was a weak person to start with. If children are not tought right how in the world can we expect them to behave right. Some of you bleeding heart people should wake up. Why do you think that we have to have police officers in the schools. I can tell you it is because of your children not being taught that the punishment is going to fit the crime. I would have hated for a school offical to gone to my father because I acted like todays children do. I can assure you that the wrath would have been upon me.

Kristen

There are many ways to parent and one way is not better than another. I see a lot of judgemental comments on here. I do not think it is wrong to spank, but I chose not to spank my children. The spankings I received as a child were random and inconsistent. More when mom or dad were in a bad mood. I may get spanked one day for something the next day would be a lesser or no punishment.
I choose not to spank but discipline my kids consistently. When I say no I mean no. The rules are the rules wether I am to tired to enforce them or not. I use the reward system with my kids. Privileges are given or withheld based on behavior. This has worked on all three of my kids ranging from 16-2. I get complimented on how polite, respectful, responsible and well behaved my kids are. I also do not expect from them the impossible. My 2 year old will throw a tantrum after 3 hours of shopping while hungry and tired. My ten year old is going to be hyper and crazy after being stuck in school all day. Sometimes as a parent our children's needs supersede out own.
I guess that wether you spank or not is not the issue so much as consistency. Kids need and crave rules and boundaries. They behave better when they know what is expected of them an respond better when they know the consequences for their actions are warranted and fair.

julie

Hello, I agree with Kim! These kids today have no respect for anything or anyone. We were taught so different and it is because of the new parents that think long term effects and all this crap will happen if they spank their child, that this generation has no fear of punishment. I have 6 kids, I will spank if necessary and believe that if you let your child speak back to you and talk down to teachers or anyone in authourity because they know there is no real consequence its just a real problem. 4 of mine are teenage girls and they did get their bum swatted, a time or two. They are all great kids and very level headed and treat people with respect. They play sports and enjoy life. They know right from wrong, and tell me when they are around some of their friends that they can't believe how they tell their parent what to do. They even say that they yell at their parents and tell them they are stupid and stay out of their business. Now you tell me, should that parent smack that child? That kid thinks of nothing but themselves and does not fear a thing when it comes to punishment. Shame on those parents!!! When my Grandpa told me not to touch something or do something, he said it one time that's all ya got one time and that's how it should be. He was a kind and gentle man, but gosh darn it No means NO! Kids today do not know the meaning of that word. I love it when I am in the store with my 2 year old and she is throwing a fit because she can't have something and is one the ground rolling around. I just walk past her. People look at me like I have 4 heads. I give her the chance to get up and stop the madness and if not I threaten once with a " Do you want a spanking?" She has to stop screaming to answer me and that is when you can get their attention and move on. If she didn't stop then she would get a pat on the butt. The first and only time I had to spank her, she was startled and looked at me and said "no mommy, no spanking". I have not had to do it again. She is not depressed or scared because of it, she is a vibrant, beautiful 2 year old that understands already that her actions have consequences. Enjoy these precious gifts, but do us all a favor and teach them that this life is about being a good person, respecting others and making good choices.

Wanda

I agree with Kim's and John's comments. I definitely approve of spanking and, yes, I was spanked as a child. There is a HUGE difference between spanking (discipline) and abuse!!! I don't just spank my child, however, as the saying goes "the punishment has to fit the crime". He is disciplined in other ways, but there are times when nothing but spanking works. When we were growing up my parents were constantly complimented on our good behavior, as my husband and I are with our son. We have spanking to thank for that. World renowned author Dr. Spock was the one who started the whole "don't spank" trend and about 10 years ago he rewrote his book and said he was completely wrong, that our children should be spanked. That because of his advice not to spank the world has raised a bunch of juvenile delinquents. And he is right. Today teens have zero respect for others, they are inconsiderate and selfish. As stated in John's comments, they are a bunch of wild animals. Yes, the Bible says "use the rod", but that means more than just spanking. It means to guide your child, to help them learn right and wrong. I tried the no spanking way with my 5 year old and I could definitely see the difference. When he was not spanked at all he was more temperamental, talked back more, threw fits more, and was meaner. When he knows there are going to be consequences to his behavior, he is much more well behaved. Not out of fear, out of respect. He doesn't fear us, we wrestle, play games, do outdoor activities, spend a lot of time together. But he also knows that mom and dad are not just his friends, first and foremost we are his parents and we will make him behave. But also as parents it is our responsibility to be understanding in certain situations. For example, if our son is hungry or extra tired or been stuck in a car all day and is getting mean or mouthy, of course we don't spank him, we do what we need to do to fix the problem. A survey was done several years ago with teenagers and they said that they wanted their parents to discipline them and set boundaries for them because it showed them their parents cared and loved them. If they were allowed to do whatever they wanted with no consequences, they felt their parents didn't care and didn't love them. Did I like being spanked? No. Does our son like it? No. Do we like spanking him? No. But he understands that when he does something that deserves a spanking it comes from his parents loving him and wanting others to like him and enjoy being around him. So, yes I approve of spanking, but I also know it is not the only form of guidance.

M

Hit with love? Sounds like some crap abusive husbands would say. There are a ton of studies that show children who are spanked are/become more aggressive. As an educator in a small private school, I can always tell which children get spanked, and which do not. I have NEVER been wrong. Teaching someone to respect you, themselves and others by hitting them (sorry, hitting and spanking are the same thing) is not effective. And those kids you see disrespecting their parents in public? They are either getting no discipline or getting spanked. I have seen in my many years working with kids, that they act out in public because they know they won't get hit until they get home. And the other ones? Their parents just have no idea what they are doing. My daughter is as strong willed as they come, stubborn, and a genius. I refuse to ruin her potential on the off chance I could be wrong about not spanking. She is three and can comprehend enough to know what she is doing is wrong. TALK to your children! They may be small but they are not stupid.

phebe

very interesting comments to read as someone with 2 kids under 2 and trying to decide to spank or not to spank. My husband says yes, i am still on the fence. I was spanked out of anger I think, my husband maybe wasn't, and feels it was an important part of discipline . i am a scientist, and a liberal. Its interesting that some folks here attribute the anti-spank movement to a political point of view:-)

I haven't had a situation yet where I felt a spanking was needed, but I've certainly felt the urge! that urge came completely out of anger. i feel proud that I did not act on that urge. but i also find merit in the points about pain helping with learning, and i absolutely believe in discipline. I'm just not sure whether the evidence proves spanking makes for respectful well behaved children. feels like we must have learned more advanced techniques since biblical times, surely we are more evolved than this now? and just because we have more teen pregnancy, and crime etc, we can't assume this is because there is less spanking. it could instead be something to do with our diets, tv, video games, changes in gender roles, who knows....

someone made a great point, that there is no one size fits all approach here. some kids may need it. but to spank kids regularly seems like it could be counter-productive and backfire on you in the long run - its definitely sending that "do as I say, not as I do" message. to the folks here that spank, can you say honestly that you are not angry at that moment?

Sierra

I was spanked as a child and i also turned out fine. I have to strongly agree with The other ladies that have comented, our youth these days are very out of control. There's a fine line between spanking and beating. A spanking is simply to teach something, where a beating is a parent taking out their anger on a child. My son is not quite old enough to spank, but im sure he will get a few when he gets older, for teaching purposes.

Karen

I have just spent the last 45 minutes reading all of these postings and I am shocked at how many people feel spanking is an appropriate punishment! I was spanked and hit as a child.....wire hangers were my dads favorite and he'd hit us with those until we had swollen indentations of the hanger on our legs and buttocks.....I was probably 6 or even younger....I was dragged by my arm up the staircase and was dropped by accident and broke my growth plate in my elbow when I was in 7th grade.....I felt so bad for my dad that I told him I would just tell the teachers I fell off my bike.... yet this was all done in discipline??? My point is a small smack on the butt or whipping with a belt is all the same in my book ....abuse ...truth is its harder to discipline without hitting or spanking and it's just too time consuming to use more humane ways to discipline.....remember the true meaning of discipline is to "teach"....spanking and hitting our kids is only teaching them to hit and that it's an acceptable behavior ...if mommy and daddy does it ....it must be ok?? Oh and all I have to say to those of you who say how respectful your kids are to adults etc, maybe they are just scared sh--less of being beaten?? That is not showing respect! I am sick about some of these comments....it's not ok even if it is only 3 "taps on the thigh?" what's that all about....Has anybody tried a more positive reinforcent behavioral approach?? It works amazingly well and is the only proven method of extinguishing negative or unwanted behaviors ... It's what the experts use!! .... It's worth a try because I don't want my kids having any bad memories of me hitting or " "spanking" them, whatever you want to call it, it's abuse and it's definetly not discipline with any love!

Merryl

I was spanked by my mother. She used various implements to save her hand- wooden spoon, switch, shoe, slipper, plastic fly swatter (which left a fine pattern for school the next day), ridged butter paddle, wooden hanger. And was beaten by my father, with his open hand, all over, as in boxing. All occasions were when my parents were furious with me for "being fresh" (telling them what I thought of their abusive behavior). I never once thought, "Well, I guess I won't do that again." Instead I hated my parents and were afraid of them well into adulthood. I can think of no good reason for a loving person to ever hurt a child.

Holly

Spanking is not the only effective type of discipline or the only way to raise a successful and respectful child. I have raised a wonderful son who also earns us great and numerous compliments from complete strangers, as well as close family and friends. He treats other people, young and old, with care and concern. He empathises when he sees others hurt or in need. He openly shares, helps out, says 'please' and 'thank you', holds open doors for strangers, and has always been able to 'wait' without electronic entertainment to pass the time. I really don't think today's issue with children have to do with spanking vs. not spanking, but much more to do with engaged and active parenting. Why hit my child to prove a point when I can sit down and talk to him about why his actions were wrong? Sometimes, it's easier to spank, or even to ignore an action, then it is to actually engage and teach your child.

C. Neill

I know this may cause some friction but I actually think that in todays parents there is not enough discipling of the child. Spanking, yes, has its negatives, but sometimes I think it's needed and okay if its done correctly; ie: spanking them and then telling the child why they got spanked, etc. Today everyone is concerned about what everyone else thinks and its making the kids these days rude and disrespectful. Haven't you noticed the lack of common decency in the kids today. I spank when its a very serious matter and I think that it won't cause as much depression and other "problems" psychologists say it does. Please don't get me wrong, spanking is not the answer to everything, but we, as a society, need to be more concerned about teaching our kids whats wrong and right, then being politically correct by the worlds views.

Will

I suggest that anyone reading this read the book The 5 Love Languages.

Then consider this question: How do you know that your child's primary love language isnt physical touch? If it is, you'll surely be making a mark on their mind that lasts well after the physical mark disappears.

April

Sorry, but there are those of you who were not spanked but abused as children according to some comments I have been reading. Spanking is not abuse! Spanking leaves no marks, indentations in skin or breaks bones! It is discipline used quickly along with explaining to the child why he was spanked and that he does not do that behavior again.

Suzanne

I was spanked lots of times as a child, and I deserved every one! I wasn't emotionally scarred or damaged in any way either. I did learn how to behave. I learned that there were consequences if I acted like a hellion. I was never, never abused and do not feel that I was "hit." spanking a child is not automatically wrong and unfortunately a few people have gone to the extreme and pushed it over the edge.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been saved. Comments are moderated and will not appear until approved by the author. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Comments are moderated, and will not appear until the author has approved them.

adlobs_sheilas_blog_responsive

  • Great care starts with a conversation.
    Premium Members can:
    • Communicate directly with caregivers
    • Access background check options
    • Read references and reviews
    Not a member? Join today!

search_sheilas_blog_responsive

analytics_sheilas_blog_responsive