You’re already 10 minutes behind and have been a few minutes late for work every day this week. You suddenly notice that your child looks a little wan as you rush out of the house. Who wouldn’t be tempted to grab that bottle of Motrin from the cupboard? The truth is that many, many parents have committed the act of sending a sick child to school. In a survey by the Today Show and Parenting.com, nearly half of moms confessed to sending a sick kid to school or daycare.
Prior to the swine flu outbreak in 2009, I think many of us parents simply did the best we could in a difficult situation. We had to go to work. So, we’d grab the Tylenol. We’d cross our fingers. And then we’d try to get to work on time.
I think most parents would think this was a relatively harmless crime, but then the swine flu hit and all bets were off the table. Honestly, I welcomed the crackdown initiated by Adam’s school. A few of the schools even closed temporarily in our town. It was a frightening time.
And now we are headed into flu season once again.
So what’s behind this? It’s not that we don’t worry about our children – the issue may be more a symptom of the tremendous pressure working parents feel to be present and accounted for, no matter what’s happening at home. Ultimately, we are sending our sick kids to school for the same reason that we don’t stay home ourselves. The reality is that, until workplace culture gives us the tools to stay away when we’re sick – and we parents actually force ourselves to stay home – it is very likely that our offices and our schools will continue to be petri dishes for germs and viruses. As a CEO, this is something I struggle with, both on an organizational level and a personal level. I am a repeat offender – not only do I have critical meetings at the office, but I am also traveling around the world. I don’t have time to get sick. I know that our Care Team feels the same way – we all have packed schedules with no time allocated for chicken soup and resting on the couch. So we push through it.
We’ve tried to come up with alternatives to the medicate-and-go method. We’ve developed Care on Call, which takes only seconds to broadcast a message to caregivers in the local area. By checking references and doing an online background check, parents can find a sitter to interview within minutes. I know that this feature has saved the day for our team on more than one occasion. We are also working with companies and organizations to offer Care.com memberships to their employees through our Corporate Employer Program.
Have you ever sent your child to school, despite a sneaking suspicion he or she might be getting a cold or flu? Did you stop doing this when the swine flu hit? How are you planning to handle sick days for this flu season? Does your workplace put pressure on you to be in the office even when you’re sick?
It's so ironic that this email just popped into my inbox because I was just making arrangements to send my daughter to school so I could stay home with my other sick daughter. The truth it, my oldest shouldn't be going to school today as she still feels a little warm but I gave her some tylenol and figured she'd be fine.
I'm keeping her home now, thanks for the wake up call!
Posted by: Stacey | September 20, 2011 at 07:30 AM
I don't think you can just keep kids home from school for mere colds. Flu? Absolutely. But colds can last up to 2 weeks! Are you going to stay home from work or keep your child out of school for 2 weeks? I know I'm not. If a child just has stuff/runny nose and cough without a fever present...in my house, most of the time, that kid is going to school. I might let them stay home 1 day, but not the whole time they are presenting cold symptoms.
Posted by: Tobie | September 20, 2011 at 08:42 AM
Sending a sick child to school is plain careless, not only is your child miserable, but with pass along that illness to classmates and cause problems for other children and thier families.
Our daughter came home from school to say that one of her classmates was in class runny nose and not himself, now for the last two days she has had a fever in excess of 101.
I would love to personally thank that careless, seflish, uncaring parent for sending thierchild into school sick, now my daughter is miserable all due to an insensitive, selfish, parent.
School is not a sick ward where parents can send children so they can work, or keep other commitments, if you've not made prior arrangements and contingencies for when your child is ill and cant attend school, you are a bad parent, don't impose your stupidity on those with common sense.
KEEP SICK CHILDREN HOME!
Posted by: Robert | September 20, 2011 at 08:49 AM
I do not send my child knowingly to school sick. I just think of what an interference and pain it is for my child and our family. Why would I expose 18 other children (plus siblings and parents), countless teachers and school staff, bus drivers, etc. I have no doubt in my mind that if I sent my child to school sick at LEAST 10 other people WILL get sick. Plus the people those people will then expose. This is not productive, responsible or save anyone time. Ultimately it comes down to "Do to others and you would want them to do to you." Glad you have "care on call" to help people make better decisions about their sick children.
Posted by: Amelia S. | September 20, 2011 at 08:51 AM
I absolutely have to send my kids to school unless they are really sick. There is no way either they or I can stay home unless it is borderline emergency. I am a single mom with a demanding career, no family in the area, and there isn't an option for me to miss work frequently.
Posted by: Kate | September 20, 2011 at 09:00 AM
Hello,
I love this program and what it stands for. How does someone get involved with being a caregiver through care.com? I am interested in what a caregiver is required to have as credentials. I am interested in being one.
Posted by: Barbara Newman | September 20, 2011 at 09:34 AM
I for one get incredibly infuriated when I read articles like this. I realize it is difficult to be a working Mom or Dad and I realize it's difficult to find childcare on a moments notice. If your child is sick though, you are not only causing other kids to risk being sick at their school, but also the siblings at home that the older kids bring the germs home to that have weakened immune systems and can't fight off this stuff!! I have 4 children all ages 6 and under when my daughter started school I had a sick child nearly every week!! My youngest daughter was hospitalized with RSV and had multiple strep throat cases along with the flu and ear infections. My kids were very healthy before my daughter started school and started bringing these germs home. I am a stay at home Mom, so my husband and I raise our 4 children on 1 income and it's a struggle. When you add tons of hospital bills and copays onto an already tight budget it's nearly impossible to get by. Please think about not only yourself and your child next time you suspect your kid of being sick, think about the countless younger siblings at home and the families that can't afford to have sick kids. When you send your child to school sick and think oh it's harmless it'll be fine I'll just cross my fingers I don't get a call from the nurse, think of my small children at home and my daughter at school that doesn't deserve to get exposed to that. Also remember that not all of us can afford great healthcare coverage. Thanks for letting me vent :)
Posted by: Christy | September 20, 2011 at 10:03 AM
I will send my second grader to school with a stuffy nose or lingering cough, but not with a fever, excessively runny nose or new cough. Who wants to be miserable at school?
Thankfully I have a flexible, work-at-home schedule, so I don't feel any pressure on that end.
Posted by: Sharon | September 20, 2011 at 10:36 AM
I'm guilty. But to those of you who think I am selfish for committing this act let me advise you it is not ideal and if I had other choices, I would resort to those. After being widowed with a 5 & 7YO living remotely without any family around and just being off work for off/on again dealing w/the recent death of my husband and prior sicknesses of my kids. I had to work or I was going to lose my job. Without a job, how am I now going to care for my children? Sure there are government programs out there, but I have never used them and how long do they take to kick in? Even then, that wouldn't solve the new problem I would be facing - I would need a new job in a down market without many prospects. So call me selfish, but I did it so my kids could continue to have as much normalcy in their life as it had been 6 months prior. Not every question has a black and white answer. I felt horrible, but the alternative was far worse. We're much better off now a year and 1/2 later and so I am no longer forced to go to such extremes, but no one can judge the decisions you make unless they are put in that same exact position.
Posted by: Kelly | September 20, 2011 at 01:06 PM
When my child was 7 years old (she is now 12) the flu was going around school. She came home from school sick like many other children that year. The difference was
my child ended up with that (Flu) for 3 months! And subsequent years she would get sick in November and March right around flu time for 10-21 days. The school penalized us heavily and we were even turned into Children's Protective Services being blamed for either abusing our youngest of 5 or having Munchausen by Proxy.
Last year she got sick again, and I can even remember the date November 1st. She never got better after that. Turns out after 6 specialists and 3 pediatricians our daughter has Severe NK cell deficiency. A rare disorder that causes her body to pick up viruses and reactivate them when coming in contact with other sick kids. She is not alone, there are many kids in our community that have weekend immune systems most likely because kids keep getting sent to school and passing around virus after virus. Don't be selfish some of you...I was a single mother when this started, and I did everything possible to help my child. Now that this site is offering an alternative to sending your child to school..think twice..you may be causing someone to lose their life. After all of this I'm in talks with other mom's and we are going to make sure that some sort of law is passed that helps mom's struggling with circumstances to keep sick kids home without being penalized. Also did you all know that the public school does not get paid when we keep our kids home, making it necessary to for a group called SARB which they have to use to enforce children to go to school even if they are sick. After a certain amount of days the school loses out on 4,500 a year. Which is probably why they turn people into CPS. Thankfully we have the right doctors now, and there are programs at school called Home Hospital where a teacher will come to you if your child is sick for 2 weeks or more. That way the school gets paid and your child doesn't pass on his/her virus to countless other children and families. I will absolutely be using this service to find care for my daughter when she is sick. After all she has the right to go to school and live as normal a life as possible. She is not a threat to anyone, she is on antivirals. However this all started because someone wasn't able to keep their child home and now her organs have been affected, causing damage for years.
Thanks for listening!
Posted by: Life threatening to one | September 20, 2011 at 01:14 PM
When my son was in Kindergarten I kept him home anytime he got sick, same with my younger one in childcare. I felt I was doing the right thing, especially if they have fevers. As a result, I got in trouble with the school for so many absences, they want him to be in school. So now I got to go to the school nurse anytime I think he may be sick and let her decide. And I missed so many days of work because we would catch it one at an time instead of all at the same time, that I can't get my job back.
Posted by: Naomi | September 20, 2011 at 01:21 PM
Kids get sicknesses from school, in most cases; why not send them back to it if not really sick or throwing up? They will build a better immune system and not miss out on the day's lesson.
Posted by: R.R. | September 20, 2011 at 03:40 PM
I do not send my son to school if he is not feeling well, He gets sick alot and I usually use up all my sick time from work to stay with him and sometimes I use my vacation time but I wouldn't be able to concentrate at work if I just sent him to school not feeling well plus knowing that he might give his sickness to other children as well. Don't do what you don't want done to you.
Posted by: Yolanda | September 20, 2011 at 04:42 PM
I think it helps if the school or preschool has a clear 'Don't bring to school when..." policy - i.e. our preschool is 100F or lower (under the arm) for at least 24 hours WITHOUT meds. Then call the parents if a child is sick outside the guidelines.
The care on call program is great for those of us that can afford it but there are plenty of families out there that have both parents working that can't. Generally these are the same ones that have employers that give no sick days and are likely to fire them if they don't show up.
Posted by: suzanne | September 20, 2011 at 05:03 PM
WOW! Reading this made me sick!! Know I understand that when you need to work its hard to call in because your child is sick. However thats life, why have kids if you cant be a parent. Imagine how they must feel being sent to school sick...and afraid to tell their mommy or daddy how they really feel, because they dont want you to have to miss work. Do you really drug them up and send them off? Tylenol or meds make my kids feel "out of it", imagine the poor sick kids trying to concetrate in school for 6 hrs and most cases on the bus for another 2 (am and pm). This is horrible, now I work on a school bus, and cant believe some of these kids going to school the way they look. Having to carry around a tissue or feeling nautious. Just the germs they spread alone is horrible and guess what it goes back around to your child, and your in the same situation. Keep your child home from school the first few days of a cold, these are the most contagious days. Stop being selfish and only caring about you and your job, care about your children and other parents children. How is it fair that my child who is healthy has to sit next to your child who is sick and should be home...thanks allot now my kid has what yours should of never passed....
Posted by: mommyof2boys | September 20, 2011 at 05:13 PM
wow this is a surprisingly contentious topic. So much anger.
Anyway, kids will get sick all of the time when they begin school and bring the germs home to share with all. It's how they build their immune systems, and it is completely unavoidable. Many viruses and flus are most contagious before symptoms begin, anyway. Raising young children includes lots of sick days no matter what.
I hate having to attempt the old Tylenol trick as a last ditch effort because it's a terrible thing to have to do to my child.
The few cases where I have done it, I felt terrible for him and everyone exposed. However, we live in a culture where there is very little support for working families. Not everyone works at a big company with great sick day benefits. That's just some if you. Many of us don't get paid if we call in sick or with a child issue. Many of us run private businesses or practices that result in lost income. Many of us are scared to death about losing our job to someone more "reliable"-- someone single, no kids... As a single mom to a child who also has a form of autism, no family around, and the disorder itself makes it impossible to leave him with someone unfamiliar, I am often stuck. Take care of my child would be my first choice. Not lose my job ranks right up there, too.
Germ-o-phobic society also means neighbor moms and even close friends are no longer willing to help out with a sick child. I'm glad some of you now have this service as an option. Be grateful for another option. Doesnt apply to me b/c sitter can be as trained as can be. The autism can't handle a stranger. Those of you yelling at others for "being selfish" and spreading germs, I just don't get your attitude. Parenting is HARD. Especially in out current society that offers very little in terms of family support and affordable childcare issues. We all deal with childhood illnesses. It's no fun for anyone. So please stop ranting about all the terrible awful parents out there who got your kid sick. It happens to everyone, and won't ever go away. We can minimize outbreaks of flus and other contagious diseases, but sorry, that's about all we can do. Be grateful there are options for you to care for your children when they are ill. Be grateful for your children. Be grateful that your children are so healthy that it is a burden when they are sick.
Posted by: Cate | September 20, 2011 at 05:30 PM
I am a nurse, I work around the sick all the time. Overtime I have built up a pretty good immune system, but I make sure that I take off my work scrubs and wash up before I hug any of my 3 kids when I get home. They bring home all sorts of "bugs" from school, and pass it all around the house. I have been "warned" about my absences from work, even though at the time, the hospital was "not allowing children visitors due to the flu". This is a huge community and legal issue that should be addressed. We have protection from harrassement and predjudice for other reasons, why not protection to care for our families when they are ill?
Posted by: Jenn | September 20, 2011 at 06:09 PM
I don't care what my employer has to say, they can fire me if they want. If my kids are sick, I'm staying home with them. I'm their mom and they are my number one priority. It's not fair to them to have to go to school sick just because I "can't" take time off of work. I can at least find a family member or close friend to watch so they don't have to go to school. Also, if I even start getting sick, I end up getting REALLY sick if I don't rest, so I call off work, I have to take care of myself, or I'm no good to anyone. No job is worth risking mine or my family's health. Not to mention, taking a day or two off when you first start feeling back will often keep you from getting really sick and having to take a whole week off. Rest is key. I agree completely, major reform needs to be done to the way jobs handle people taking off work. We need more sick days plus sick days for our children.
Posted by: Elizabeth | September 20, 2011 at 08:23 PM
As a nurse, I do find this article rather vague.
For starters, "looking wan" is hardly indicative of much. If they are still in the infant/toddler phase, they can run a fever for very mild illnesses.
If they are in the preschool phase, and not running a fever, vomiting, or having diarrhea, give them some comfort meds and ask the school to call if they take a turn for the worse. And heed that call!
For those who feel the need to blame irresponsibility on part of others for their child's own illnesses, people are most contagious BEFORE ACTUAL SYMPTOMS APPEAR. Please, if we really had keeping kids from spreading germs that easily figured out, daycare disease wouldn't be such a train-wreck.
As parents, we have the best barometer for when our children are merely under the weather, have a mild cold, or are really sick. Use it.
Posted by: Laura | September 20, 2011 at 09:03 PM
The fact is the children are most infectious when they are not feeling sick--this is when they shed the most viruses. It is impossible to keep kids from spreading germs unless you keep them in containment. it is a normal and unavoidable part of childhood to have these common upper respiratory tract infections. Some experts believe that exposure to these infections are important to the development of the immune system and that we see so many allergic problems such as peanut allergy because our environment is too clean and germ free.
My personal opinion is --get the flu vaccine, and keep them home for fevers, feeling very sick, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea or conjunctivitis that is infectious. You can't keep them out for every suspected cold or the duration of each cold, they'd be out all year and I don't think it accomplishes anything.
In regards to the NK cell defiency, I'm sorry to hear about your child but this is usually a genetic defect, it wasn't caused by someone infecting her, but rather that was the first manifestion provoked by a routine illness. Not sure how you think you can blame somone else for this??
Posted by: Jessica | September 20, 2011 at 09:26 PM
As a mother, if my child is sick I share concern and dont want him to spread it around. However, my biggest concern is for my child, because he is sick his immunity is already vulnerable opening him up to catch other illnesses. Keep you child home for their sake.
Posted by: Wendy | September 21, 2011 at 01:04 PM
I watch two other children, from different families, in addition to my own children. My littlest got strep-throat and I called the mothers to let them know that he was still contagious but they brought their kids anyway. A few weeks later one mother took her child to the doctor and he had strep too. She called me about it on her way back from the doctor and then showed up with her contagious child at my door! She said he was feeling so much better and wanted to see his friends... but he was still sick and hadn't had any antibiotics yet!
If you do not care that your child is around sick children, that is your call, but do not subject others' children to your sick child.
Posted by: Me | September 21, 2011 at 02:20 PM
I think the reason for such contention with this topic is that we have all seen the parents that do send their kids to school, daycare, etc. when they don't HAVE to. I think we all have compassion for those who have no choice - the single parent, the crappy but necessary job that prevents parents from having good choices. I grew up in a divorced mom household - I was the child who either went to school sick or stayed home, alone (even at 6!) because there were no resources, no sympathy and no family within 60 miles for a divorced mom with two kids trying to make it in the 80's. We were latchkey kids, period. We've come a LONG way as a society in helping out those situations, but not enough, and I think it's because of the abuse of the programs for those who truly don't NEED those resources.
I believe that the hostility is with the parents who send their kids to school because they can't miss their class at the gym, their tennis lesson, or they just don't want to be 'stuck' at home, alone, with no friends, taking care of their sick child. I've known someone who drove her child, throwing up, an hr away to be taken care of by family - because she didn't want to take care of them while they were sick! I've known people who have had knock down, drag outs with the gym staff to convince them that their child is not CONTAGIOUS, even though he has thick, green mucous coming from his nose, and obviously doesn't feel well, and therefore, she should be allowed to go to her class. Does anyone understand or see this type of thing like I do? It is so frustrating and happens all the time and I think that's why the parents that need the help and don't have the resources have such a difficult time getting it. Everyone is so fed up with the ones that keep abusing the good nature or the 'fine print' of the school's policies.
Posted by: Andi | September 22, 2011 at 12:18 PM
Well we homeschool now so this isn't an issue for us BUT I will say that when my kids get a cold they have it for at least 2 weeks. Two colds a year that would be a month out of school and CPS at my doorstep. So what do you say about that? Just wondering. I don't have to deal with this, we are fortunate enough to be able to school at home but last year when my nephew was very sick they threatened to have CPS called-- two sides to every coin!!
Posted by: Tabatha | September 22, 2011 at 11:29 PM
I find it incredibly selfish to send a sick child to school. I honestly do not care how difficult it is for you. You exposing my child to something that could potentially be painful, uncomfortable, or even dangerous is unacceptable. Find child care before this happens. Do not put my children in danger because it causes you inconvience.
Posted by: Elizabeth Zeigler | September 23, 2011 at 12:29 AM
I am among those moms who have sent there kids to school sick and was actually reprimanded by my daycare. Like many others here, I'm a single mom with no family in the immediate area. I've been warned many times about my absenteeism and have lost jobs because of it. I applaud the idea of Care on Call this website offers and believe it should be a resource for people who are like me and need a helper. For those people who would spew their venom about people who send their children to school while they are sick, stop and think about individual situations instead of judging as a whole.
Blessings to everyone trying to make it work.
Posted by: Malynda | September 23, 2011 at 06:39 AM
WOW!!!!! HOSTILITY MUCH???
Actually I wasn't blaming anyone in my original post!
It seems to me that the people who are "spewing the most venom" are the ones who admit to sending their sick kids to school because of their circumstances....What I was saying is you never know who you are affecting when you send your child "knowingly sick" to school. Your child could be sitting next to a child who has an illness that Mono, Strep, (or countless other viruses) which could trigger a life threatening illness. Or your child could give it to a child who takes it home to someone who gets ill, and then passes away because your child gave their child Mono, Strep etc. and they took it home and passed it on to grandma, mom, dad,aunt, infant!!!!!
LIsten without your mad hat on for a second, The thing is anyone can have grave consequences from things like strep...be careful ladies how angry your getting discussing this topic, I wouldn't wish our circumstances with an immunocompromised child on anyone!!! Or any other infectious disease for that matter. WE ARE LIVING IN DIFFERENT TIMES LADIES, WAKE UP! REMEMBER SWINE FLU, MAD COW DISEASE, SARS!!! There are countless viruses you all don't even know the consequences, or the names of floating around our country right now, that could have a life threatening outcome on any child not just mine...all we are saying is think before you use the school as a baby sitter for a sick child..maybe start a stay at home co-op, or working moms co op program to help out. Or family members. I was once a single mom and I made it work with NO CHILD SUPPORT or GOVERNMENT SUPPORT ...And as for the building your immunity thing...many viruses weaken and destroy NK cells which can NEVER be replaced. And you would think mom with the "Autistic" child you would have more compassion since there are so many kids with Autism who have NK Cell Deficiency...have you had your child checked? May want to do that. No Joke.
I'm not angry or anything by some of these lashes mom's are handing out...just saying in order to be a good parent you have to be a compassionate and protective parent, and we all need more resources like Care on Call....especially for you mom's who don't have ANYONE. Maybe the government needs to step in and start a sick care instead of a day care? That helps all of us...I pay a lot of taxes (60%) and my child deserves to be educated in a healthy environment too...anyways just a thought.
Posted by: Life threatening to one | September 26, 2011 at 02:34 AM
Since the majority of illnesses are contagious a few days before symptoms appear keeping your kids home to protect other kids is pointless, they've already been exposed. not to mention they probably got it at school in the first place so the germs are already there. If your kid would die from getting sick they have no business being at school at all. You're not going to be able to keep them from getting sick. As for normal kid research shows that the more they get sick when they're little the less they get sick later. They have to build their immune systems and that means they're going to get sick sometimes. The best way to prevent it is to teach them frequent handwashing.
Posted by: Kimberley | September 27, 2011 at 08:23 AM
it is really very shocking that we don't even consider any sickness of our children. first of all, they are kids, not a machine of study. during any kind of sickness like flu, they must be treated with care and of course with a leave from school.
Posted by: kids events in Atlanta | October 19, 2011 at 02:59 PM
I am late in responding, but I deal with parents sending sick kids to school all the time and my two kids who have weakened immune systems suffer for it. The fact that the schools freak out over losing money when a child is absent and threaten with child services does not help the situation. I get SO annoyed when I hear parents say oh, it is JUST a mild cold, or a mild illness or a slight runny nose....maybe it is to YOUR child, but not to other children and family members with weakened immune systems. We have spent this last fall and winter being sick with one virus after another for three months. My son and I are sick at this moment. You are also exposing teachers to those germs as well. My child's teacher was out for over a week, and those students had to deal with multiple subs. Also children with asthma sitting next to your sick child is more prone to getting bronchitis and pneumonia. So your selfish and inconsiderate act of sending your child to school sick affects many other people much more severely. And I do not understand this BS cop out of "many viruses are contagious before symptoms" um, they Are STILL contagious during some of the symptoms as well. So before sending your kid to school, knowing they are sick, please have compassion and consideration for all those other children, the school staff and family members. That "slight cold" can be deadly or severe for them!!!!
Posted by: Marie | December 18, 2011 at 06:20 AM