More moms are going back to work or looking to pick up more hours—75% of our members say they're looking for more work in the recession—are you one of them? And how does all this impact our kids?
This workplace change may be one lasting effect of the economic downturn. The New York Times reported in January that, for the first time ever, women are poised to become the majority of American workers (due, in part, to the hundreds of thousands of layoffs across the country).
Mothers are often children’s primary caregivers. They are usually the one in charge, even though more men have stepped in over the last few decades. But, with the economic downturn, home life is drastically shifting for many families. As Time Magazine reported, many former stay-at-home moms are heading back to the workforce. We'll start seeing more dads taking the moms’ place and becoming the go-to-guys for their kids' care.
Unfortunately, the latest Bureau of Labor study shows that men who have been put in this situation aren't handling the transition very well. The study said that laid-off men tend to do less—not more—housework and they aren’t assuming child care roles from their wives.
Our own survey at Care.com was a little more promising when we asked our members if they shared child care responsibilities with their partners or spouses. You told us that 36 percent of all Care.com members share the load between parents.
If Dad's laid off and Mom needs to work more, how do you care for the kids? Here are a few tips for families who may find themselves in this difficult situation:
Give Dad Reaffirmation
Losing a job can be hard on anyone. If Dad's feeling down, try to emphasize (together, as a family) how nice it is to have him around and try to give him a break on the chores by having the kids pitch in and help.
Transitioning from Caregivers
If one parent is home, you may not need your former full-time day care, nanny, or regular sitter as much anymore. That can help save money around the house.
However, change is often hard on children. Smooth out the transition as much as you can by having the sitter or nanny come by one day a week or keeping them in day care on a part-time basis at first. It'll help the kids stay connected to their friends (and give Dad a break, too!).
Check out this Care.com article for more information on transitioning to a new caregiver.
Make Sure Dad Knows the Routine
It's okay to treat Dad like a new nanny (a little bit, anyway). Make sure he's aware of the kids' daily schedules, when pick-ups need to happen, and even where the emergency information is.
Keep Back-up Care Options
If Dad was laid off, he'll be looking for work and will have to leave the house for interviews, job fairs, and meetings. Don't cut ties with your backup care options just because one parent is now home—you may need them in a pinch. Make sure your list of favorite caregivers is up-to-date. And if you haven't started your "My Favorites" list, just log in to your Care.com account, go to your My Care.com Homepage, and start saving profiles of babysitters and nannies you like.
Communicate
Making big life transitions (such as losing a job unexpectedly) is hard. Make sure Dad's doing okay, but also have regular family check-in sessions for everyone else, too. Listen to your kids' worries and reassure them that you'll all be okay despite any income shifts. The important thing is that you have each other.
How has the recession affected you and your family? Who's the main person in charge of care in your home? Let us know by leaving a comment and any helpful advice you'd like to share.
I have been a working mom since our three and a half year old son was born. My husband and I are are both attorneys with busy practices and we have shared caring for our son since he was born. We have been very lucky to have excellent childcare--- we could not possibly do what we do with out our fabulous daycare, Countryside Childcare and our extended family!
I am fortunate that we have done this all along and are not faced with the challenge of adjusting our roles with our son as the economy changes. The economy's impact on us has been that we are working harder to make sure that our clients are happy and that we keep generating business. This means that we are both working more hours and that we are a bit more tired. But, we are careful to be sure that our son still gets quality time with us and that we plan special time with him. We remind ourselves to put the cell phone away and not check the email when we are home with him so that he knows that we are there for him when we are home.
The work/family life balance is challenging but, I chose to do it this way and I am so glad that I did, especially given the current economy. I would not want to be scrambling to find a job now nor would I want to create that kind of financial stress for our family.
Posted by: Judi McDermott | March 24, 2009 at 09:38 AM
I am fortunate enough to have been able to be home with our children always. While I am lucky enough to have known from a very young age that was what I wanted to do as my full time career, many today do not have that option. I am firm believer in "equal opportunity" parenthood and it matters not which parent is home with the kids, but I believe it is always best if one of them are. If the parent can't be home, then possibly a relative. Our children are our biggest investment in the future and I regard the job of parenting to be one of the most important jobs
in life.
Posted by: pam conlin | March 24, 2009 at 10:04 AM
My husband has been the primary caregiver in our family for three years now. We made the decision (prior to the economic downturn) for him to stay home while I worked after assessing our "big picture" as my job allowed me to work less and have more flexibility.
I had been a stay at home Mom for three years prior to returning to work. It was definately a change for everyone. He is a wonderful Dad and does a great job, but the hardest part for me was to adjust to the fact that he did not do everything the same way I did. I still struggle with this sometimes, but it has gotten easier. He volunteers at the schools, takes care of the house and entertains friends after school.
I have two girls, ages 5 and 8, and they have been blessed with a relationship with their Dad that most little girls never experience. I used to worry that I would become "second best", but the reality is that I will always be the Mom and that bond is very strong. It takes a lot of patience and remembering that "different" is no bad, but my kids are thriving and I am so grateful they are able to be in their own home everyday with someone who adores them.
It is however, a lonesome world for stay at home dad's. so encouragement and understanding are important. Playgroups and other social activies can be more difficult, so a network of friends and family can make things much easier.
Posted by: Heather | March 24, 2009 at 10:06 AM
No, I am not one of those dads letting the wife work. I am one of those dads raising his children by himself.
Posted by: alfonso | March 24, 2009 at 10:45 AM
Well I agree Dad's who lose their jobs should be able to help in the child care area.
This is my situation -- I make tons more then my husband, so for him to lose his job is not as dangerous as if I lost mine. But neither of them is good. There was a time back in 2003 when this happened my son was just born and my husband lost his job. We had just bought a new home and it really was okay. He stayed home with our son for about 2 years, at that time prices were not so bad and things had not spun out of control like now.
It was a blessing after this as then I got pregnant with twins and my husband went back to work..
This time now I do not worry about his job as much as keeping mine. As things have shifted a lot, I feel for anyone who has to lose their income.
Life now is harder to keep up with all the changes. We decided that through all this we would just move out of California to somewhere cheap to live, where both of us could get jobs and not have to worry..
Posted by: Jill | March 24, 2009 at 11:57 AM
My husband is the primary care giver to our daughter. He has been since she was a couple months old (now 8 months). I have no doubt he is doing a wonderful job while I am away at work. We had actually spoken about this long before we even decided to have children. We shared our concerns, our rules, and our thoughts on discipline, play time, meal time, and activities and came to agreements on it all. I think the communication really made a difference. When I come home from work and he gets ready to leave for his part time job, we talk about the day, what our daughter has done, when she last ate and was changed, and if she needs anything else. We have made it work very well, and both know that the other is doing a good job.
Posted by: Sarah | March 24, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Dear Sheila... I love your story about men as caregivers... I have been a stay at home dad for 7 years, what a wonderful hard job this is... At first it was very difficult to try to break into the "woman's" job, the other husbands thought I was just after their wives, and the mothers thought something was wrong with me if I wanted their kids to play at our house... but after a few dinners and the kids over things were just fine..The reason I stay at home is .. I had a job where I was out of town about 3/4 of the time, and after paying for sitters , and hotel rooms and all the meals, we were hardly making any money. So I decided to change things, so we opened up a catering company where I could stay home and the kids could get an idea what it is like to work. I had aprons made for all 4 kids and we are teaching them the art of cooking. My 2 littlest ones are the best. I take them with me to some of the catering jobs and they tell everyone to come taste my dad's cooking. It's the best...lol and now the kids are in school and so I opened a travel agency out of our home , so I'm still here when they get home... thank you for the article... hang in there all you stay at home dads
Posted by: Jeff Guthrie | March 24, 2009 at 12:09 PM
I totally agree with dad's staying home, and some of them do a great job. I think moms would make use of the opportunity, especially if he's one of the dads that do all the housework and take the kids to activties and make sure that the home is done and make dinner and all I do is come home to a house that is very inviting I'm good.
Posted by: stephanie | March 24, 2009 at 10:31 PM
Being a military family, I am first and foremost grateful that one thing our family doesn't have to worry about in this recession is my husband losing his job. But, that it not to say it doesn't come with many other constant, unexpected shifts in life and parenting.
Alot of women in my situation consider ourselves single moms, who have to juggle being mom & dad at any given time. Especially with alot of moves most of us do not have alot of time, or an easy way to network, well enough to get to know and feel confident about a new caregiver for our children.
Which is why I sought out care.com. We may not be facing job loss any time soon, but we also don't experience the highest paying salaries. So, in a way...we are always in "operation recession survival" mode.
With that said, I started using care.com to try and network a childcare exchange with other families in the same situation and welcome dads as well. Some might find it odd, men as caregivers, until you consider that some of our kids don't get to have "daddy" time for 6 months or longer.
How much easier would the change in care be if both parents participated in this type of sharing of care exchange "before" a major transition? All the while, reducing the burden of the extra expense?
My children love exchanging parents. They think that care.com is a way for me to find them playdates with other kids...(who have a dads at home that are good at xbox or wrestling in the trampoline since mom just can't be as rough) instead of being herded at the local center with a random bunch of kids.
I encourage everyone, military or otherwise, to give it a try. Besides the obvious positives for the kids, the fact that another mom would have faith in your husband to care for her children builds a bond of trust between couples that is not easily formed otherwise. Plus, the more my husband is asked the more confident he becomes and I fall in love with him all over again in a single moment.
I am proud of my husband for being a Marine, a Husband, a Daddy, and sometimes a stand in "Buddy" who just happens to know the best way to teach a lttle guy how to throw a football when no one else can. He has even recently been promoted to making cupcakes...but only for me...until he gets the idea that less is more in terms of frosting.
Posted by: Crisa Christy | March 25, 2009 at 09:52 AM