School report cards are out. For kids, that's either good or bad news. High grades bring rewards—that's fun. But what do you do when the scores come back lower than expected?
When kids are struggling, many parents look to tutors to give them a boost. Beyond grades, there are also tutors who specialize in college test preparation or those who help develop hobbies and interests like public speaking, music, or even sports.
We talked to Cara Finnegan (from our friends at FamilyEducation.com) and Dr. Wendy Grolnick (professor of psychology at Clark University and co-author of Pressured Parents and Stressed-Out Kids) and asked them to share their advice for parents thinking about hiring tutors.
When do you hire a tutor?
"A tutor can be a good option to assist in a child's education for a number of reasons," Cara told us, "[Maybe] the child the child needs extra help mastering a specific skill or staying organized. She might have a learning disability that would benefit from extra attention. Or she might have extenuating circumstances, like health or family issues, that interfere with her performance in school."
Communication is the key to deciding if your child needs extra help. Talk with her teachers and see if they think she'd gain from having a tutor. Also, if a child is having trouble in school, they might not be using words to tell you. Watch for signs of disinterest (complaining about homework, not wanting to go, crying, or faking illness).
How much is too much?
With kids' busy schedules, adding more schoolwork can seem like punishment. They're under a lot of stress already, so be sure they can handle the extra work. It may mean cutting back in other activities.
"Make sure the kids have some downtime," Cara said. "Kids need time to play and have unstructured activity, so make sure that's part of their day. It's especially important to give your child downtime before bed and to make sure she gets enough sleep."
If you do make changes in the schedule, keep fun activities in the mix! "All work and no play…" you know.
Hire the tutor for you child, not you.
"Parents are feeling a lot of pressure for their children to do well," Wendy told us. "They're hearing the message that if kids aren't doing well early on, they might not get into any of the best colleges or even the best elementary schools."
In today's competitive culture, it's easy to give into temptation to "Keep up with the Joneses." We want our kids to succeed and have plenty of opportunities. That's a good thing! But we should be careful that we're not taking it too far. If we're pushing our children too much, we're more likely to block any progress than actually help them.
Make sure you're thinking about your child's specific needs, strengths, and interests. A tutor's job is to help them be better at what they do, not completely change who they are.
It's not just your decision.
Whenever you can, keep your kids involved in the choice to hire a tutor.
"Sit down and ask what their goals are," Wendy suggested. "Kids have to see the connection between the tutoring and their own goals."
"[Tutoring] should be presented to the child in a way that feels like it's an opportunity for more success, not a form of punishment," Cara added.
Because most kids don't like homework, adding a tutor might not be a popular decision. If you can introduce the idea by discussing it with your kids, things should go a lot smoother. When you're both on the same page, you'll avoid fighting about the extra lessons and also see the results you're hoping for.
Are any of you thinking about hiring a tutor? What are some of your concerns when finding that extra help for your children? Leave a comment and join the discussion!
More resources:
Find a local tutor
Family Education.com
Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids by Dr. Wendy Grolnick and Kathy Seal
How to tell if my child needs a tutor?
College admissions tutoring
Working with teachers for better tutoring results
Sheila,
This is a great post! I completely agree with you when you say that- parents should hire the tutor for their children and not themselves and that they should keep include their children in the loop. I talk to so many parents who just don't get this. They are not involved in their child's education and 1 day it occurs to them that getting a tutor is going to solve all their problems.
Also, when parents work with ClickandClimb.com's online math tutors, they expect it to be a magic! They expect grades to go up in a week. They need to realize that tutoring works only if the parent and student work with the tutor. I tell them all the time- we work with you and not on your behalf!
Posted by: Aish A | March 02, 2009 at 07:06 PM
I agree with a lot of the points made in this post.
One other important thing for families, students, and tutors to remember is to keep goals and have learning benchmarks. By creating attainable benchmarks it allows everyone involved to feel more successful. This also gives students feedback to take back to their classroom teacher. And it helps to reevaluate what the learning goals are as they become necessary to change.
Along those lines, families should note that they shouldn't have a tutor focus on reading, math, and various subjects at one time. Really pinpoint what it is that you, and your child, are looking for assistance in. By doing this, you are again able to find moments of success more often.
Posted by: Tutoris | March 09, 2009 at 04:13 PM