Good friends of ours in California just had a baby, and they're worried about the transition for their dog, Button, who's gotten used to being the "only child." It really got me thinking about this trend, where couples are first putting pets at the center of their nuclear family and deciding to have kids later.
Sound familiar?
In his recent book, Dogs
"We live in an era where couples are choosing to have children later on in their lives," Dr. Fogle wrote. "Increased work, commitments, spiraling housing prices, cohabiting, and a general increase in the cost of living often mean that kids can be put on hold. Women may decide to wait until their late thirties to have their own children and, in the absence of the "real thing," the family dog takes on increased significance. It may be treated just like a child; partners in relationships often encourage their dogs to participate in as many aspects of their daily life as possible, including jogging, hiking, even dining with them, and thus create a family unit. The emergence of confident urban gay communities has also created a new sector of dog owners. Almost invariably, couples who don't have children are honest with themselves and their vets when they acknowledge that dog ownership adds glue to their relationships, a common bond, something that both individuals can embrace and care for." (pages 47-48)
Jessica Williams, a Care.com member and the proud mom of two strapping sons, ages two and four, and three happy and well-adjusted dogs, adds her veteran advice for getting the animals ready.
"Don't let the dogs get away with anything," Jessica says. "We stuck our fingers in all the places the kids would—the dogs' ears, eyes, food bowls—tugged their tails, and pet-proofed the areas the baby would be spending the most time, like the couch and floors. Our vet told us that getting rid of dog and cat hair where the baby would be laying or playing was also really important."
Jess and her husband, Luke, their Golden Retriever, Oakley, their Rottweiler-German Shepherd mix, Daisy, and their Cocker Spaniel, Olivia, plus two cats, lived happily for many years before children entered the picture. Once the kids become toddlers, Jess said it was also important for her sons to start learning about pet care responsibilities, and for the dogs to start understanding the kids' place in the food chain—literally.
"We let the kids start feeding the dogs on their own around age two. When we get up in the morning, the boys scoop the dogs' food and put down their water bowl. They love it, and the dogs have more respect for the boys as little "masters."
There are also a plethora of expert guides out there to help with the transition from "family of three" to traditional family. Each celebrity pet trainer has their own specific advice on gradually re-training your dog and getting him used to the new routines and impending chaos of having a baby around the house, and it's also important to gauge your dog's own unique personality and breed temperament.
Check out our editors' favorites:
DogSpeak
"Go back to basics and reinforce obedience and simple commands…Later, these commands allow [the dog] to lie quietly at her owner's feet as she feeds the baby, creating additional bonding between [dog] and baby and making [the dog] protective of this new, helpless creature…The dog will catch on, acting as "nanny" and alerting mom to baby's needs and cries." (pages 235-237, on pet preparations during pregnancy and afterwards)
Be the Pack Leader
"Remain in control of the dog…and never let the [child] make the first move, [paying] special attention to their behavior (excited, nervous, etc.) If the child's energy just doesn't seem right to you, or if the dog just isn't in the mood, wait. Don't risk it." (pages 263-264, on introducing your dog to a child or a stranger)
Have you gone through the transition from dog as "only child" to having real children? Please share your thoughts and experiences with the Care.com community by posting a comment!
And, for more information on preparing your pets for your baby's arrival, check out this fantastic article, Pets and Babies, by Care.com contributing writer Christine Koh, of BostonMamas.com.
Also take advantage of the free information and ongoing support from Dogs & Storks for new and expecting families.
Posted by: Jennifer Shryock | July 15, 2008 at 10:56 AM
I have had these very similar experiences. I had a poodle for three years before my son was born. She did not take to him at all and nothing was going to change her mind. She would lay on him, nip at him even when he was sleeping, eat his diapers, ( clean & dirty one). She would pee on his clothes or anything that smelled like him. We tried very hard to break her of these thing and nothing worked. I finally had to get rid of her. Which brought me to tears and five years later could again if i thought about her. But my son obviously comes first so the dog had to go to a child free home were she still is today and doing great. Just one of the fun facts of life. Good luck with your journey, its not fun. I hope it all works out
Posted by: danielle | July 15, 2008 at 11:24 AM
I have two cats and a maltese dog, I have almost 2 and 1/2 months of pregnancy left and I think my pets will be ok with the new baby because they're used to kids. I used to run a daycare at home and I had 5 kids ( including 2 babies ) monday to friday every week. My pets love kids and they are very sweet and lovely pets!
Posted by: cin | July 15, 2008 at 02:14 PM
As Sheila mentioned, it is very important to recognize that your best friend has been your first child until your own child is in the picture. My 3 year old Lhasa Ginger had an interesting transition from being completely ambivalent to seriously annoyed every time our newborn cried or needed attention. Pay attention to the details of training and get your dog a refresher course in puppy 101. As harmless as I thought that Ginger was, she can be lethal weapon to an unsuspecting child. With careful observation and reinforcement or good behaviors, having an animal can be a completely enriching experience for a child.
I recommend starting at the beginning. Go back to puppy training -- I recommend employing some professional help so they can provide an outside view without all the emotions.
Posted by: michelle | July 15, 2008 at 05:22 PM
I was quite disturbed to see the picture of the rotweiller with the infant. ANYONE who owns a Doberman, Rotweiler, Pit Bull and has child should be prepared to lose that child. It will only be the grace of God that keeps the child safe. These animals are NOTHING but trouble and if you are stupid enough to own one, you are NOT smart enough to have and raise a child. When was the last time you heard of a child being killed or mauled by a ... poodle (for example)?
You can poke and prod all you want to in your dog's mouth, ears, butt, but sooner or later, the dog is going to get aggressive.
Never underestimate the stupidity of general public!
Posted by: Ann | July 16, 2008 at 11:10 AM
In response to Ann's comment, I think she is way out of line calling owners of certain breeds stupid and that they are not smart enough to have children.
Vicious dogs are vicious because of they way they are raised. You can just as easily have a vicious Labrador as you could a Doberman.
No child should ever be left alone with any pet, not just certain breeds. I think Ann owes the community an apology.
Posted by: Jeni | July 16, 2008 at 12:44 PM
thank you but if the dog sees that you love him the same even with the baby he will get used to it and he will see it is going to be fine.......
Posted by: jada | July 16, 2008 at 08:10 PM
Response to Ann: The general public does tend to believe that certain breeds aka "aggressive" breeds are dangerous to people. I believe people who do not train any animal properly can be a hazard to humans- whether it is the small nip of a ferret or the big bite of a pit bull. If you raise any animal or child without discipline, love, and care- you may see disastrous effects. All animals- all breeds of dogs deserve the chance to be treated right and when they are I believe there shouldn't be an issue with an "aggressive" breed living with a toddler or baby.
Never underestimate the stupidity of a person who does not see from all perspectives and looks to condemn others with an open mind.
Posted by: Brittany | August 27, 2008 at 10:38 AM
Responding to Ann:
Ann, obviously you do not have the slightest idea about dog beahviour. A poodle might be more likely to bite a child than a Rottweiler. Reading the comment above about the lady having to get rid of her poodle, one realises that many small dogs become aggressive because they are literally treated as babies and are allowed to get away with things that a Doberman owner would not even think about letting his/her dog get away with.
I agree with Jenni and Brittany, it is how the dog is raised that is important. I am not a strict pet owner: dogs on couches, beds, feeding scraps from the table... but there are things they are not allowed to do such as bark at friends, show unnecessary aggression toward other dogs or people, etc. Once you lay down the ground rules, you should stick to them. If you really love your pet you can make it work to have a baby and pets, there is no reason why they should not be compatible!
Posted by: Victoria | September 06, 2008 at 11:47 AM
First of all Ann, obviously the parent was taking the picture and the child was not left alone. Leaving a child that age alone unattended is a mistake under any circumstance. Secondly, my neighbor's have had 3 rottweilers and 5 children. The dogs are like fathers to them. Each dog was trained to respect and protect the children. None of the 3 dogs ever hurt one of the children even when they were provoked. The kids could pull their ears, sit on them, even play with a rope with them and they never got out of hand.
Posted by: Megan | November 18, 2008 at 06:25 PM