Dear Readers,

I'm saddened by the responses to my previous blog post on helping your kids cope with the loss of a family pet, and troubled both by how it was misinterpreted and feelings that were hurt.  I owe you all a better explanation and an apology.

It's terrible to be faced with the necessity of having to lose or separate from one's family pet, but what I wanted to highlight was the different ways of dealing with the loss, with grieving, and with helping your children heal.  The last part in particular was the mistake I made as a young parent years ago—underestimating our son's need to grieve for the best friend he'd had for the four months that we had Apollo, before giving him to another family we knew (not a shelter.) I was more concerned about protecting my 6 year old from the harsh reality than I was in actually helping him confront it, and I wanted to help other parents not make the same mistake.  Acknowledging loss and giving children a chance to say goodbye is a crucial to step in helping them recover from the loss of a loved one—and it's definitely something I learned the hard way.

Thank you all for sharing your heartfelt and passionate feelings on this subject with me and the rest of the Care.com community. Rest assured that we are passionate about pets and their wellbeing, and, as a team, we value our commitments to our dogs, cats, and other animals as a lifelong relationship not to be entered into lightly.

~ Sheila

Summer is on its way, and with our plans still in flux, I'm feeling a little stressed about our family calendar. I'm a firm believer in the daily planner for our family schedule, and it seems to also work for our nanny, Natalie, and my husband, Ron. The down side, though, is that it doesn't synch up with my gadgets, like my email calendar or Blackberry, and it's hard to always keep on top of it.

I figured I probably wasn't alone in my search for the perfect system for keeping my family organized, so I decided to call up Alicia Rockmore, founder and "Queen Bee" of Buttoned Up for some tips.

Read on for her advice from our interview on wrangling your family's schedule and activities—and keeping on top of it:

What is the first piece of advice you give to people looking to get their lives (both work and family) in order?

Alicia: Use the 80/20 Rule. If you tackle the most critical 20% of your life that needs to be organized, the other 80% will naturally follow.

What is the first step to streamlining your work calendar, your kids' activities, sports, and other family events?

Alicia: Find a system that works best for your family. For mine, it was a "family appointment book" that we keep in the kitchen with all of our most important family obligations and deadlines in it. My husband and I write our big meetings in it, as well as our daughter’s swim lessons or school projects. That way we all know who has what going on any given day.

How do you help people keep track of their various calendars and "little slips of paper" (To-Do Lists, notes, invitations, schedules from the kids' schools, etc)?

Alicia: The best way is to set up a "communication station"—which, again, usually works best in the kitchen—for all of the important incoming and outgoing mail, permission slips, and schedules. Each person in the family gets their own color-coded magazine box with folders labeled incoming, outgoing, and needs to be put on calendar. A simple system can go a long way in keeping your family "buttoned up!"

As a working mom, how do you streamline your daily planner and your Outlook calendar so you never miss a business OR a PTA meeting?

Alicia: You have to set a time that works best for you each day to sit down and fill in your obligations. I am an early bird, so I match up my planner and my Outlook calendar every morning before the rest of my family gets up.

What are your tips for setting up a simple and effective central calendar?

Alicia: Use overhead projector pens on a laminated calendar. Dry erase pens will get erased too easily, and then everyone will be in a pickle.

What are your favorite online systems and tools for organizing your life and your calendars?

Alicia: Google calendars are great. You can set them up by month or by week with all of that month’s activities, or make one just for your workout classes. Then you just print the neat, easy calendar. Best of all, it's free!

What are your favorite "real world" systems and tools for organizing your life and your calendars?

Alicia: I have to be biased here, but the whole concept of [my company], Buttoned Up, was to get people organized in a simple yet highly effective manner. Our current 25 products do just that, and we are launching 20 more products this fall.

Is there one single system you have for staying organized everyday? Or does it change by season, by life event, etc?

Alicia: The most important thing to remember about organization is that it’s not cookie cutter. Each person and each family is unique, so you have to find a system that fits with your personal style and schedule. And remember, being organized does not mean everything is perfect, it means everything is easier for your lifestyle.

What advice would you give to parents living in The Sandwich Generation—keeping tabs not only on themselves, their spouses, and their kids, but also their aging parents?

Alicia: Every family needs an all-inclusive binder containing their most critical family paperwork, from medical to legal to insurance. We created one for Buttoned Up called Life.doc that does just that. Systems like it will help you to be prepared so if someone gets sick or your car needs repair, you have everything you need at your fingertips. If you take care of aging parents, this is also extremely helpful as you can fill out all of the medications and legal information that you would not know off the top of your head.

We all start off with great "best-laid plans" for getting organized. How to you help people to stay on track, or come up with red flags for when it's time to get back on track?

Alicia: Everyone falls of track, but it's important to set aside a day each week to assess which organizing goals you've accomplished and which goals you fell short on. Sometimes you'll have a system that works great in the winter but horribly in the summer. The best way to stay on track is to be flexible and to keep trying.

Similarly, how do you know when you've outgrown one calendar or system of organization and it's time to create a new one?

Alicia: If you are using a system and still feeling overwhelmed, you need to switch it up. Again, be flexible. Use systems that are the most time efficient and easy. If it has too many steps or rules, ditch it. You shouldn’t have to spend more than 30 minutes a day on your system to stay organized.

Where do you draw the line on "perfection" or trying to be Wonder Woman?

Alicia: Women too often allow themselves to feel guilty or upset if they aren’t perfect, but the truth is, No one is! Know your own boundaries and set achievable goals. Organizing is supposed to help your state of mind, not add another level of stress to it.

What's your one area of disorganization? (C'mon—everyone has to have one!)

Alicia: I admit that my car is almost always in disarray. Between my daughter's juice boxes and cracker wrappers, my water bottles and work stuff, and the other random items, my car often looks like tornado aftermath. However, my car is emergency ready with a Collision.kit, which has pre-printed cards with all of the most important information in the event of an accident and a disposable camera with a flash. So, my car may look messy but I am still organized for safety.

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To read more of Alicia's tips or browse her company's catalog of products, check out www.getbuttonedup.com, www.seejanework.com, or Target Stores nationwide.

Have your own tips for getting—and keeping—your family's various activities and events organized and headache-free? Share them with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

When our big guy, Ryan, was about 6 years old, we decided to give away his black lab, Apollo. We were going away for a few months, and we realized we really weren't at home enough to have a dog. We really blew it, though—we decided not tell Ryan about our decision until after we had already given Apollo away.

Ryan never got to say goodbye, and he was devastated. To this day, whenever we see a black lab he'll remind us of how hurt he was.  Ron and I learned our lesson, and now we always make sure to communicate with our kids about the loss of a pet, whether through an illness or a voluntary separation.

For advice on how to talk to your kids about the sensitive topics of pet care issues and coping with the loss of a pet, we interviewed Dr. Shoshana Dayanim, a developmental child psychology expert. Here are her tips:

• If your pet has to be euthanized,…
  "Make sure your child understands that even though you're "putting the dog to sleep", your pet will not in fact be sleeping, and that this is being done to save your pet from pain," Dr. Dayanim said. "This may be a good time to discuss your personal beliefs concerning death, if you deem your child old enough. Whatever you choose to discuss, keep it as simple as possible. If your child wants to know more, she will ask."

• If your pet dies in its sleep,…
  "It's important to remember that, as a parent, you know your child best and know how much information your child can handle," Dr. Dayanim said. "However, try not to underestimate your child by buying a 'replacement' pet to hide the truth that her pet has died. You should also remember that details are not necessary. A good rule of thumb is that if your child doesn't ask, don't tell them.  A young child may ask "why did Max die?" Replying "because he was very, very old and very, very sick" may be enough. When an older child inquires about their pet's death, he may want to know more details about the pet's illness, and may even ask why the pet had to go to the Vet to die."

• If you have to give your pet away,…
  "If your pet can no longer live with you for whatever reason, explain to your child as clearly as possible that the pet needs certain things that you can't give him, and that he will be happier with another family," says Dr. Dayanim. "Be careful not to blame the pet's behavior as the reason for the separation. Another thing to be sensitive about is that your young child may not understand their pet—who may have been a member of the family for as long as they can remember—is any different than they are. It's important to be careful when using terms like "put to sleep" or "getting rid of." You don't want your child to be afraid that they, too, will be "put to sleep" if they are sick or that you will "get rid of" them if they do something wrong."

Plus, if you're currently dealing with the loss of a family pet—or might be soon—check out these wonderful books, selected by our animal-loving editorial team:

Dog Chapel by Stephen Huneck
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A wonderfully illustrated book about the real-life animal memorial built by author Stephen Huneck in his hometown of St. Johnsbury, Vermont, Dog Chapel celebrates the love, memories, and adventures we share with those beloved family members—our dogs. A tear-out frame is included in the back of every book, which your kids can fill with their own pet's picture and send to the chapel to join his or her fellow canine comrades on the chapel's Remembrance Wall.

Good-bye, Baby Max by Diane Cantrell and Heather Castles
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

Students in a Texas kindergarten class have a sad day when they find out that Max, one of the three baby chicks they've been watching as classroom pets, has died. Written by a former kindergarten teacher and family counselor, this book moves through several valuable lessons for kids about life, death, and the responsibility of caring for a pet.

I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

Describing the circle of life with sweetness and humor, this book follows the life of Elfie, a dachshund, as she moves from sprightly puppy to senior dog alongside the boy who loves her, and who tells her every night "I will always love you." When Elfie doesn't wake up one morning, the family buries her in the backyard, and the boy promises that one day, when he's ready for another dog, he will make that dog feel just as special.

Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinne Demas and Ard Hoyt
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

An accessible story about Lulu, a black-and-white mutt, and the little girl who loves her, this book follows a family as they care for an aging and then very sick dog. When Lulu eventually passes, the family reminisces about their memories with Lulu, and validates the little girl's feelings of grief and loss. Since most kids' books have a boy as the central character, this is an especially great kids' book for anyone with daughters dealing with losing a pet.

Jasper's Day by Marjorie Blain Parker and Janet Wilson
Reading level: Kindergarten to 3rd Grade

This story follows a family and their dog, Jasper, who is close to death from cancer--he's lost his sight, his hearing, and can't move around all that well anymore. The parents, knowing the dog must be euthanized, plan an outing to visit all of Jasper's favorite places, before going to the vet together as a family to say goodbye and then burying Jasper in the backyard.

Goodbye Mousie by Robie H. Harris and Jan Ormerod
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A preschool boy loses his pet, Mousie, when the mouse dies in his sleep in the middle of the night. The boy plans a funeral, filling Mousie's coffin with keepsakes from their life together, but still doesn't completely understand the meaning of death. With the help and comfort of his parents, the boy starts to understand and vows to get another pet someday—"but just not yet."

Best Cat in the World by Leslea Newman and Ronald Himler
Reading level: 1st Grade to 4th Grade

A fabulous story about a boy named Victor who loses his best friend—his cat, Charlie—and has to learn to bond with his new kitten, Shelley. It's hard for Victor to move past his grief and learn to love Shelley. Eventually, Victor starts to realize that just because Shelley is different from Charlie doesn't mean they can't be friends, and they bond.

Have a favorite book that heals the heart and the home after losing a pet? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

We've all been there—a friend comes to you in child care desperation, and asks if you can recommend a sitter or if they can hire your own babysitter or nanny "just this once." They promise not to steal her away, but you're hesitant and protective of your hard-won resource. The answer most parents give to the question of "Can I share or borrow your babysitter?" is usually a clear and unequivocal "No."

Why? Well, the common feeling is that you only have a certain amount of control over your child care situation anyway—babysitters leave or graduate from college or get married, etc.—and eventually, you'll need to make alternate plans. So while it's working, people are protective, and think "Don't even consider talking to my sitter!"

This urgent need for available, high-quality, and trustworthy babysitters and nannies is one of the biggest reasons we started Care.com. Most people are still afraid, however, that even with great resources, sharing their fantastic child care provider is going to bring them back to square one all over again.

My advice is to handle those tough conversations with friends and neighbors by weighing the risk and by asking yourself the following questions:

• Who's asking for the help?
  Gauge how well you know the person, the strength of your relationship with them, and also what their regular child care situation is. Are they panicking because they're in a desperate, emergency scenario? Or, are they probing because they're looking to hire someone regular, and wouldn't regret sacrificing your friendship for a great sitter.

• How much help do they need?
  Gauge the likelihood of this person taking up all of your sitter's free time, leaving none for watching your own kids. If you've hired this sitter for two days a week and your friend only needs the occasional Saturday, then it's probably fine. However, if your nanny is with you full-time (like mine was!) and your friend needs a few weekday evenings each week, it's probably not a good idea to share your sitter.

• How much work does your sitter need?
  Gauge your sitter's own needs. Do you know how much work and how many clients they currently have, versus how much or how many they might like to have? Again, if you're only hiring your sitter every other Thursday while you have book club, and your sitter would like to work 4 nights a week, then she may leave you anyway if she's not making enough to meet her income needs. But, always use caution when acting as your sitter's personal PR assistant!

• Is there something (or someone) else you can recommend?
  In general, it's OK to be cautious and to diplomatically decline to introduce the person to your sitter. Say, "Well, my sitter is really busy, but I can ask her if she has any friends she can recommend." You can also offer to refer them to other moms who may be able to recommend a sitter or nanny, or you can always refer them to Care.com!

• Understand that you don't "own" your sitter.
  You may find yourself in a situation where your sitter needs more money, or more hours, etc. anyway. Babysitters by nature usually have half a dozen clients, where a nanny may only have one or two. Like they say in sports, "The best offense is a good defense." Make sure your babysitter or nanny is happy, and don't take it too personally if they do leave you for any reason, be it for another family or for an all-around better opportunity, like an educational, career, or geographic change. Knowing your sitter's needs up front—and trying to help her meet them!—will help ensure a long term relationship, and lessen the likelihood of her being "poached" by another family.

Remember, too, that most people poach sitters unwittingly: they don't think of it as stealing, but they may offer more money, more hours, may be a better personality fit for the sitter, or may need more help, therefore eating up all your sitter's free time (leaving less—if any—for you.)

Do you have a story or tips on babysitter poaching or nanny napping? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

Little did we know that while we were focusing on our plans for National Care Provider Day and Mother's Day, we missed "Poem in Your Pocket Day" on April 17th, in honor of National Poetry Month.

Felice, our editorial guru, shared with us a poem her son Max wrote for Care.com, so that we would all have a poem to keep in our pockets that day.

Max's poem is an adorable reminder of the fact that we're not just a company whose mission is to help families find care--we're a company supported by our own caring families and caregivers, and absolutely couldn't be successful without them.

So, thanks, Max, for reminding us of what's important! Read on for Max's poem to Care.com:

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There Was a Tiny Company
an ode to Jack Prelutsky's "There was a Tiny Baker"

by Max B.

There was a tiny company

That had a tiny dot (.)

They help you find a babysitter

And we like that a lot.

They work so hard

From dawn to dusk

And when they're finally home,

They kick their shoes off

to relax

and give their dog a bone.

(because they do pet care, too.)

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This Mother's Day, we're also celebrating family members and caregivers by inviting you to share a story about the care heroes in your life.

To learn more, please check out  our Celebrating Care Heroes Contest.

Happy Mother's Day!

~ Sheila