Dear Readers,

I'm saddened by the responses to my previous blog post on helping your kids cope with the loss of a family pet, and troubled both by how it was misinterpreted and feelings that were hurt.  I owe you all a better explanation and an apology.

It's terrible to be faced with the necessity of having to lose or separate from one's family pet, but what I wanted to highlight was the different ways of dealing with the loss, with grieving, and with helping your children heal.  The last part in particular was the mistake I made as a young parent years ago—underestimating our son's need to grieve for the best friend he'd had for the four months that we had Apollo, before giving him to another family we knew (not a shelter.) I was more concerned about protecting my 6 year old from the harsh reality than I was in actually helping him confront it, and I wanted to help other parents not make the same mistake.  Acknowledging loss and giving children a chance to say goodbye is a crucial to step in helping them recover from the loss of a loved one—and it's definitely something I learned the hard way.

Thank you all for sharing your heartfelt and passionate feelings on this subject with me and the rest of the Care.com community. Rest assured that we are passionate about pets and their wellbeing, and, as a team, we value our commitments to our dogs, cats, and other animals as a lifelong relationship not to be entered into lightly.

~ Sheila

When our big guy, Ryan, was about 6 years old, we decided to give away his black lab, Apollo. We were going away for a few months, and we realized we really weren't at home enough to have a dog. We really blew it, though—we decided not tell Ryan about our decision until after we had already given Apollo away.

Ryan never got to say goodbye, and he was devastated. To this day, whenever we see a black lab he'll remind us of how hurt he was.  Ron and I learned our lesson, and now we always make sure to communicate with our kids about the loss of a pet, whether through an illness or a voluntary separation.

For advice on how to talk to your kids about the sensitive topics of pet care issues and coping with the loss of a pet, we interviewed Dr. Shoshana Dayanim, a developmental child psychology expert. Here are her tips:

• If your pet has to be euthanized,…
  "Make sure your child understands that even though you're "putting the dog to sleep", your pet will not in fact be sleeping, and that this is being done to save your pet from pain," Dr. Dayanim said. "This may be a good time to discuss your personal beliefs concerning death, if you deem your child old enough. Whatever you choose to discuss, keep it as simple as possible. If your child wants to know more, she will ask."

• If your pet dies in its sleep,…
  "It's important to remember that, as a parent, you know your child best and know how much information your child can handle," Dr. Dayanim said. "However, try not to underestimate your child by buying a 'replacement' pet to hide the truth that her pet has died. You should also remember that details are not necessary. A good rule of thumb is that if your child doesn't ask, don't tell them.  A young child may ask "why did Max die?" Replying "because he was very, very old and very, very sick" may be enough. When an older child inquires about their pet's death, he may want to know more details about the pet's illness, and may even ask why the pet had to go to the Vet to die."

• If you have to give your pet away,…
  "If your pet can no longer live with you for whatever reason, explain to your child as clearly as possible that the pet needs certain things that you can't give him, and that he will be happier with another family," says Dr. Dayanim. "Be careful not to blame the pet's behavior as the reason for the separation. Another thing to be sensitive about is that your young child may not understand their pet—who may have been a member of the family for as long as they can remember—is any different than they are. It's important to be careful when using terms like "put to sleep" or "getting rid of." You don't want your child to be afraid that they, too, will be "put to sleep" if they are sick or that you will "get rid of" them if they do something wrong."

Plus, if you're currently dealing with the loss of a family pet—or might be soon—check out these wonderful books, selected by our animal-loving editorial team:

Dog Chapel by Stephen Huneck
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A wonderfully illustrated book about the real-life animal memorial built by author Stephen Huneck in his hometown of St. Johnsbury, Vermont, Dog Chapel celebrates the love, memories, and adventures we share with those beloved family members—our dogs. A tear-out frame is included in the back of every book, which your kids can fill with their own pet's picture and send to the chapel to join his or her fellow canine comrades on the chapel's Remembrance Wall.

Good-bye, Baby Max by Diane Cantrell and Heather Castles
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

Students in a Texas kindergarten class have a sad day when they find out that Max, one of the three baby chicks they've been watching as classroom pets, has died. Written by a former kindergarten teacher and family counselor, this book moves through several valuable lessons for kids about life, death, and the responsibility of caring for a pet.

I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

Describing the circle of life with sweetness and humor, this book follows the life of Elfie, a dachshund, as she moves from sprightly puppy to senior dog alongside the boy who loves her, and who tells her every night "I will always love you." When Elfie doesn't wake up one morning, the family buries her in the backyard, and the boy promises that one day, when he's ready for another dog, he will make that dog feel just as special.

Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinne Demas and Ard Hoyt
Reading level: Preschool to 2nd Grade

An accessible story about Lulu, a black-and-white mutt, and the little girl who loves her, this book follows a family as they care for an aging and then very sick dog. When Lulu eventually passes, the family reminisces about their memories with Lulu, and validates the little girl's feelings of grief and loss. Since most kids' books have a boy as the central character, this is an especially great kids' book for anyone with daughters dealing with losing a pet.

Jasper's Day by Marjorie Blain Parker and Janet Wilson
Reading level: Kindergarten to 3rd Grade

This story follows a family and their dog, Jasper, who is close to death from cancer--he's lost his sight, his hearing, and can't move around all that well anymore. The parents, knowing the dog must be euthanized, plan an outing to visit all of Jasper's favorite places, before going to the vet together as a family to say goodbye and then burying Jasper in the backyard.

Goodbye Mousie by Robie H. Harris and Jan Ormerod
Reading level: Ages 4 to 8

A preschool boy loses his pet, Mousie, when the mouse dies in his sleep in the middle of the night. The boy plans a funeral, filling Mousie's coffin with keepsakes from their life together, but still doesn't completely understand the meaning of death. With the help and comfort of his parents, the boy starts to understand and vows to get another pet someday—"but just not yet."

Best Cat in the World by Leslea Newman and Ronald Himler
Reading level: 1st Grade to 4th Grade

A fabulous story about a boy named Victor who loses his best friend—his cat, Charlie—and has to learn to bond with his new kitten, Shelley. It's hard for Victor to move past his grief and learn to love Shelley. Eventually, Victor starts to realize that just because Shelley is different from Charlie doesn't mean they can't be friends, and they bond.

Have a favorite book that heals the heart and the home after losing a pet? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!