We all know that May means Mother's Day—but did you know that May is also the month for celebrating our caregivers, with National Care Provider Appreciation Day on Friday, May 9th?

Every year since 1996, on the Friday before Mother's Day, parents across the nation have been taking time out to thank those who care for our most precious loved ones: our kids, parents, and pets. Especially as a working mom, I know that I definitely couldn't accomplish half of what I manage to get done and have a healthy and happy family without the help of babysitters, nannies, day care providers, and family members like Grandma.

Take the time this week to say thank you or buy a gift for the caregivers and service providers in your life. I always like to give my nanny a "paid day off" in the form of a bonus or a gift certificate to show her how much I appreciate the loving care she provides for my Little Guy when I'm at work or away. These tokens always feel like extra-special treats, and are things that most people are reluctant to buy or indulge in for themselves.

Stuck for ideas? Check out these resources:

• Spas
  My favorite way to find local spas is to purchase a gift card from SpaWeek.org, which has partnered with thousands of spas, salons, and resorts nationwide. The Spa Week web site allows you to peruse locations in your area and easily see which ones accept  Spa Week gift cards, as well as choose from six different gift cards designs. Your caregiver will love choosing their favorite pick-me-up! Present the gift card along with a cute note, like "Thanks so much for taking such great care of our (kids / parents / pets) this and every year! Enjoy a Day of Beauty on us at the spa of your choice."

• Restaurants
  Getting out for dinner and drinks at the new trendy nightspots with friends is something your nanny or babysitter probably doesn't get to do very often—especially if they live with you or have kids of their own. Grab a gift certificate for a hot foodie hangout by checking out restaurant reviews at TripAdvisor.com, or the companion web site to the popular restaurant and hotel guide, Zagat.com. If you want to offer your caregiver more flexibility for personal taste, make a card from a photo of them with your kid(s) at mealtime at Shutterfly.com, and then enclose an American Express gift cheque or VISA gift card.

• Shopping
  The online shopping scene is exploding, and—though both you and your caregiver probably spend most of your days in more kid- and pet-friendly duds—who doesn't love a little retail therapy? Gift certificates to chic department store Nordstrom will delight everyone on your list, and even allow for redeeming online at Nordstrom.com (where the best sales are!) Or, if you prefer to get your caregiver something a bit more personal, check out the fun and quirky gift center at UncommonGoods.com

Making your caregiver or care provider feel appreciated is an important part of making sure your kids are in good hands—not just on National Provider Appreciation Day, but throughout the year!
For more information and celebration ideas, check out ProviderAppreciationDay.org.

Cheers,
Sheila

In light of our recent series on managing our relationships with our caregivers, I thought it was time to talk about some other tough care-related questions, like "How do you know when it isn’t working out with your caregiver?" and "When should you let your nanny go?"

My rule of thumb is that you always need to ensure that you have "peace of mind." If you're constantly stressed out and worried about the situation, it might be time to rethink your choice of caregivers.

Here are some of the biggest "red flags" I always say to watch out for:

• Your child has frequent bumps and scrapes.
  Sure, kids will be kids, so don’t panic at the first sight of a scraped knee.  But if accidents start to become a more-than-normal occurrence, it could be a sign that your babysitter is not keeping a watchful eye on your children.

• Your babysitter is doubling as social chair.
  You come home early or make a surprise pop-in to find your babysitter has invited friends over without your permission. And it's not the first time. Or perhaps she’s always busy talking on the phone while your kids are in the other room unattended.  Either way, the primary focus of a good babysitter should always be your kids–socializing should take place on their own time. 

• Your babysitter has an Internet alter-ego.
  Today’s younger generation is very in touch with social computing, from MySpace to Facebook. Sure your babysitter will do her best to make a good impression on you, but it never hurts to do your homework.  Although profiles on social media sites are often private, it is worth taking a look around on places like MySpace and Facebook to see if your potential sitter has a page. At the very least it will give you more insight into their personality and interests–-and in the worst case scenario, if the content of their profile raises a red flag, you can respectfully look at other options.
  

• Your child begs you to stay.
  Getting used to a new babysitter takes time, and kids will naturally miss Mom and Dad at first. But, if your child is regularly upset or angry over the prospect of being left at home with a babysitter, then likely there's an underlying issue, either with your child or with their caregiver.  Remember, as much as you may like someone, it’s even more important that your kids do, too.

• You have that gut feeling.
  Maybe it’s driven by one of the reasons listed above, or maybe you just have that unsettling feeling in your stomach that something isn’t right.  At the end of the day, it’s your child, so trusting your own instincts is important. Especially for first-time parents, leaving your child with anyone can be a challenging hurdle to overcome. If you have a gut feeling that something seems out of place, however, it’s best to part ways with your babysitter amicably rather than risk an uncomfortable situation.

Check out my interview with FOX News Chicago from this past Tuesday for more of my thoughts on warning signs and knowing when it's time to let your nanny or babysitter go.

Have a babysitter or nanny horror story of your own? Or some tips and advice on what to look out for with your caregivers? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!

For the past two weeks, we've done a three-part series for my blog and newsletter on handling difficult conversations with your caregivers, and managing your care relationships, as requested by you, our readers.

Check out Part III: Discussing compensation, below, featuring some great advice from Felice Bochman, our Senior Editorial Director and resident expert on the parent - caregiver divide.

- - - - -

Managing Your Care Relationships: Compensation
By Felice Bochman

Talking about money is awkward. No matter what the situation is, it just always feels a little uncomfortable.  At this point in my life, I've spent ample time on both sides of the compensation conversation—as an employee and as an employer.  I've learned (sometimes painfully) that there are a few things you need to keep in mind to make these conversations more effective and less stressful.

Be prepared before launching into a conversation about rates and pay—and be prepared to listen—and you and your caregiver will both be happy with the results.

Questions to ask yourself before discussing compensation:

• Do I know the going rates for this job in my local area?
• Is the person I'm talking to also aware of current rates of pay for this job?
• What motivates the person I'm about to hire—is this a career job?
• What affects the rate of pay, if anything—extra tasks, more experience, etc?
• Have I created an accurate job description?
• Do I know what my own budget limitations are?
• Do I value the work this person is providing for me? Why am I being selective?

Lead by example and be empathetic.
When you're trying to hire a sitter or a housekeeper and they're vague about the rate of pay, take two seconds and imagine yourself doing the job. There are very good reasons why you're hiring someone else for this job, and the chief one is probably that you don't have time. Do you know why the potential caregiver is looking for this job? Is this what they do professionally, on a full-time basis?  Or, are they just looking for a little splash cash doing part-time work, or maybe even trying to make supplemental income to support their own family? Knowing about their situation makes a difference, so be sure to ask—and if they're being vague, it usually means they're waiting for you to quote a number so they can react to it.

Be fair on compensation even with inexperienced sitters.
Talking about compensation with your caregiver isn’t about getting a great deal—it's about getting the right level of service for the right price.  With child care, quality is your number one priority. You wouldn’t want an inexperienced babysitter find out they are underpaid, which would then impact their reliability and quality of work. Often times, people in service professions are the least likely to advocate for themselves.

Build trust and a valuable relationship.
If you think about it, there's a real trust factor involved—even before the conversation about compensation even takes place. The caregiver may see you as a superior or authority figure, and may not want to have an uncomfortable discussion with you—or they may not have experience negotiating for fair pay. The person you're going to hire has a service to offer that you need or want. Remember that, in the long run, if your caregiver feels they can't trust you to look out for their best interests, then they're not going to be motivated to stay and work for you. Inevitably, you'd be hiring an employee who would be working for you while looking elsewhere for a better job, and then you're back to square one. You're not just their employer, you're also a customer.

Conversations about money are just that—a conversation.
If I can stress anything that has been the most valuable for me, especially as an employer, it is to approach conversations about pay as a true conversation.  And, let your perspective employee know it's a conversation. Invite them into the discussion.  It can be done as simply as saying "Let's talk about your rates. I know people make around X dollars for this kind of work. What do you charge?"

Remember that the best deal you're going to get is the one in which you get a wonderful caregiver for your family who enjoys and feels satisfied by the work they do for you, and will hopefully stay with you for a long time.

Have some of your own tips or advice for broaching the money conversation with caregivers or service providers? Share it with the Care.com community by posting a comment!