What types of conflicts have you had with your employers? How did you handle chats about salary, work hours, responsibilities, or even finding a new job? Share your experiences in the comments below!
Salary
Money is always tough to talk about whether you’re applying for a job or looking for a raise. But it also has the potential to be the Number 1 conflict you’ll face in your work, so it’s an important thing to think about!
If you’re looking for a job and feel like the potential employer isn’t offering enough money, you need to talk salary before you take the position. Although it can be a hard thing to do during the interview process (you don’t want to lose the job before you’ve even landed it), you’ll need to clear up those issues right away. After your first interview but before everything’s finalized, make sure you’re on the same page in terms of pay.
If you’ve had a job for a while, you might be thinking about asking for a raise. Before you do, make sure you’ve done your research. Know the going rate for providers in your area (if you’re a babysitter, you can check the Care.com Babysitter Pay Calculator). If you have new certifications or qualifications (like CPR or tutoring) that you’re using in your job, make sure your employers are aware of that. Or if you’ve hit a milestone in employment (typically one year), it might be time to ask for a raise. Whatever you do, back up your request with the facts and don’t just ask for more money. It’s easier to make an argument in your favor if you have some tangible support!
When you’re going to talk about money, plan in advance about what you’ll to say, how much you’ll ask for, and what you’ll accept to start or stay on the job.
Hours
If you work for an hourly wage, then you’re compensated for working overtime or extra hours. But some care providers (particularly nannies, babysitters, and pet sitters) earn a weekly or monthly salary and they’re not paid for working extra.
When you feel like you’re working more than you should be, talk to your employer. Be respectful, but let them understand that you either would like to be compensated for the extra work or that you have other responsibilities outside of your job that you have to look after. If you’re calm, clear, and collected with what you say, they should understand you and work with you towards a solution.
Before you take a job, make sure you’ve laid out your hours and work schedule with your boss. If you have that in place in advance, it’ll make conversations like this one that much easier in the future.
Responsibilities
Sometimes at a job, you start taking on new and greater responsibilities. But you also shouldn’t have to do everything! If you feel like you’re being asked to do more and more at your job, speak up! Go over what tasks you agreed to look after when you started. If the family you’re working for needs you to do more, you may want to ask about extra pay for that extra work.
Finding a New Job (Asking for References)
If you’re thinking about finding a new job or know that your current one is about to end, you should take the opportunity to ask your employer for a reference. Having someone who speaks highly of you can go a long way toward finding a new job.
But this can be a touchy subject, too. You don’t want to give your boss two weeks’ notice and simultaneously ask them to recommend you to other families. Rather, you should inform them that you’ll be leaving (always give as much notice as possible) and offer to work with them to find your replacement. If they accept your decision and you have a solid relationship, it’s then okay to ask for a reference.
Hopefully, these tips help you work through these tough situations! We know how hard they can be.
What types of conflicts have you had with employers? How did you work to solve them quickly and constructively? What advice would you give fellow care providers?
Post a comment!
I recently left a position due to an unsafe situation for myself and the children in my care, resulting in calling the police and filing a report.
My home was entered on two occasions while I was at work; I notified my employer and the result was a lack of concern for safety, this is a serious crime; especially as the possibllity of the children being cared for in my home on occasions.
Posted by: Pamela Free | April 22, 2010 at 01:55 PM
I had an experience with in-family elder care amounting to elder abuse. The family member requiring care had been living with relatives for nearly two years, but had never been allowed outside the home unless someone in the family accompanied her. She had not been allowed to meet one person (other than paid care givers) in the city she had been moved to. She had no friends - had not met a single person her own age, and was virtually a prisoner in her daughter's home. She often cried about her situation.
Initially, I requested that when I stayed with her, I be allowed to take her outside the home - to walk in the mall, to window shop, to the library, to see free-to-the- public shows, exhibits and displays, such as craft shows, or holiday entertainment. This was denied. The lady was competent and interesting, and no reasons were given for her confinement. I later discussed this with the daughter who had hired me. I told her in good conscience, I could not enforce the continued confinement. I was told "maybe, after the holidays, when the person I was caring for got to know me better." On the first day after Christmas that I was scheduled to care for this person, her daughter called me and told me they had found someone more suitable - that my services were no longer required.
I thought about letting this matter drop, and simply couldn't. I reported details of this situation to the Council on Aging in my state, had several contacts with them and know the situation was the situation was looked into. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I had said nothing to anyone.
Complaints of this type are handled with great confidentiality, and I have no idea of the results of their investigation, but at least I know someone looked into it. I kept imaging myself in her place, and it would have been unbearable to live like that.
Posted by: Barbara Novick | April 22, 2010 at 06:04 PM
My comment would be for any one that is going to work with families have a contract stipulating what their needs are and what you are willing to do. This can all be negotiated along with finace for the work to be done. There are times when a family has friends and will ask you to have a play date with there friends children, if the children are under 3 years the parents must remain with them, or the nanny becomes responsible for the well being of the child or children and should be compensated. You should also be compensated for the use of your car, and how many miles you are willing to go weekly.
Posted by: Thielma Williams | April 22, 2010 at 08:14 PM
It's always hard talk to them i work every day 12 hour every day M-Saturday and when they go for a dinner and they came late its happend once a week or twice my posicion its living in.
and i dont think im getting enoght money for it.
what should i do?
Posted by: Ruliana | April 22, 2010 at 08:56 PM
I Have to wait for my L&Bonding , and it is taking a little longer than I was hoping. I apologize for any inconvenience.Things will hopefully be ready by the 1st of may.
Posted by: Ramona Carlson | April 22, 2010 at 10:56 PM
Hello. I am working with a great family part time that is regularly scheduled M-F from 3:00-6:30. The family is wonderful and the kids are great,but my only problem is that they keep taking vacations or if family comes to town they do not need me. The kids will be going out of state for 2 weeks in June and a whole month in July. I asked if I would be compensated at all since I am not the one asking for a vacation,yet they rejected the idea and told me that they will give me 2 weeks notice before so that I am informed ahead of time.Also they feel that because it is part time only ,they are not obligated to do so. Please let me know if I should continue to "go with the flow" of things because I really like the family and just deal with it. Finally, the mom is in Iraq ,so I sympathize with them and make no further comments to the husband who is in charge. Thank you
Posted by: Joanne A. | April 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I am in a bigger problem not getting a new job after I have been applying to places for over 8 months till today. I know that I screwed up my first jobs here in the US, because as a young man at age 17 yrs, and from a different country and have never worked before, I did not know what it really meant for one to work for a company. So, I ended up caring about making it to work early which I think is affecting my not getting a job now that am really serious and grown enough to know what my responsibilities are and how to take of them. I really will love to get a job ASAP. If anyone is hiring, I promise to be at working on time, and to take my responsibilities seriously and perform my duties to the best of my knowledge, if hired. Thanks for taking time to read this, and you may also advice yourself not to do what I did, and then not getting any job for a very long period of time, just like am, even till this day.
Posted by: Valentinebeluchukwu | April 27, 2010 at 08:50 AM
I highly reccommend a 1 year contract to be re-evaluated (with a raise) on a yearly basis. My previous employer also paid 1/2 taxes, fica and unemployment insurance. The unemployment insurance really helped when after 10 years my job ended. I'm so glad that my employer was so kind and thought of unemployment insurance because I sure didn't and I sure needed it! We also had disagreements over the years and it really helped to have a contract to refer to. I NEVER work for a family without a contract in place. Also, when a family takes a vacation that's their decision. They would have to pay to hold their child's place at a daycare center or preschool. I was ALWAYS paid for those days. I occasionaly stopped in to water plants on those weeks off but never to care for an animal or mail. Hope this helps!
Posted by: Rebecca Heil | June 17, 2010 at 02:26 PM
I found a nanny job through this website about two years ago. Everything was going great, especially during the first year or so. However, due to some changes within the family (divorce), the dynamic of my job changed dramatically (i.e.) who I was checking in with and where I was working. I soon ended up having to take on far more responsibilities than what were stated when I started the job initially. In essence, I was pretty much raising their children. The family situation ended up getting so bad, that the parent in charge was not supplying adequate food for the children's lunches, giving them bathes, or even making sure they were wearing clean clothes when sent to school. Also, there were many instances were off color, sexual things were said to me by members of their family. The point I want to make clear in this situation is NEVER take this kind of behavior lightly. Sadly, I had to end up quitting this job. I really took it hard because I had formed such a close relationship with the children. However, it's important to keep boundaries with your employer. Being a nanny/babysitter is one of the hardest jobs out there. Many times you WILL be taken for granted. Keep in mind, if it were any easy job your employee would being doing it. Having a strong and respectful relationship with the family you are working for is just as important as the relationship you have with the kids you are watching. Enjoy your job and ALWAYS take care of yourself!
Posted by: Lauren Wilbur | July 10, 2010 at 04:30 PM
I am having two separate problems. One is doing extra work with no pay. The other is having a job for over 10 years without a raise. My mistake - no contract. Now what?
Posted by: shirley | August 01, 2010 at 08:12 AM
I'm having a difficult time figuring out how to tell my employer that I need to find a different position, while still hopefully using them for a reference. I was hired for a FT position, but I find most weeks I don't work more than 32 hours, and lately the hours get cut down to 24. It happens without advance notice, so I am unable to find work to supplement with. I made it very clear when I took the position that I NEEDED core full time hours, they don't seem to understand. I've been there about 2 months. What do I do?!?!?!
Posted by: Lou-Ann | November 27, 2010 at 11:14 PM
Do NOT let your boss take you for granted. I was a FT nanny for 3 months, i ended up worked 60+ hours a week and my boss did not keep her agreements, and I was very under payed. She would often leave to go shopping 15 minutes before i was supposed to leave. She did not work and was at the house a lot but wouldn't help with the kids (as she had promised she would). She basically wanted me to raise her 3 kids and i ended up leaving. Now I am having trouble finding other work.
Posted by: J | January 10, 2011 at 11:55 AM
Hello, my problem is I am currently wrking for a family watching five children from 7.15 am to 4.00 pm . The children are very undisciplined and are extremely rude to me as are their parents . I am more than willing to give the kids a very happy day and enjoy being with although with their crazy selves it makes it hard . When I was hired I was five certain responsibilities however it seems like every two weeks the schedule and obligations change without them asking me if it wrks for me . I am paid a flat weekly rate and is it that fair if I get paid the same for extra time * the pparents are constantly very late and if I babysitt on the weekends they never pay extra . Their house and lifestyle is very dirty and it is a gross environment to be in . I am current looking for another job .
Posted by: Sarah Snyder | January 12, 2011 at 10:38 AM
I was working for a family for a few months when they started asking me to do things that were not stated in my contract, mainly housekeeping work. I did what I was asked for a few months because I did not mind to do these things to help the family out. It then became apparent that I was the ONLY one that was doing the housekeeping chores, I would regulary arrive at work to find a mess I had not participated in making but was expected to clean up. When I finally approached my boss about the situation, he became hostile and ended the discussion on the spot. My whole point in bringing it up was that I either needed to be compensated for the extra work or I would no longer perform them. He left to go to work and I took the eldest up to school. When I returned to the house, he was back and had packed up all of my things. I was fired on the spot.
I learned an important lesson that day: I will NEVER acquiesce to my employers without getting a full understanding of what they are asking and will make sure that they know that adding extra work, not specified in the original contract/agreement, will cost more money.
Posted by: Hannah | January 18, 2011 at 01:04 PM
I have a question. I'm going to an interview tomorrow. If all goes well and I get the job how do I bring up having a contract and what do I put on it and do I make it or the parent?
Posted by: Kendle | February 18, 2011 at 11:34 AM
I have an interview for a fmaily with 3 kids ages 3, 5 and 12 years old. The mom says she needs someone no more then 4 days a week and no less then 2 daysa week and once a month stay overnight with the kids on a fri or sat night. I was wondering how much I should charge for both the weekly and the overnight oncea month. I dont want to charge to little or to much.
Posted by: kendle | February 23, 2011 at 02:57 PM
Hi Kendle,
I would suggest you check out the Babysitter Pay Calculator. Enter your Zip Code, years of experience, and number of children. You could adjust the rate for the overnight if you wish.
http://www.care.com/child-care-babysitter-pay-calculator-p1140.html
Good luck!
The Care.com Team
Posted by: The Care.com Team | February 23, 2011 at 03:21 PM
January, I began looking for the perfect match “Nanny to Family” and after profiling my 15 years experience with Care.com, scheduling numerous interviews and meeting some great families; I believe I have found the perfect match. My work experience has involved 10 years - licensed Child Care Provider, 3 years - Youth Center Director, and 2 years - Early Learning Teacher however; I am totally new at Nanny Hood. My question is - I was interviewed and hired in February, but my employment does not begin until the end of June, (newborn). In my past jobs, I am accustom to forms and contracts and have always requested parents to sign stating that they understand and agree (regarding the program/fees/rules/routines/etc.) before beginning care or service. What is the protocol (regarding Nannies) waiting 4 months until employment begins and should I request a contract? Please note I believe this family has been very honest and upfront with me … and I do NOT want to create doubts so early into this new relationship. Again, what is the best and correct way in dealing with this long wait? THANK YOU! Jeanine
Posted by: Jeanine K. | March 02, 2011 at 04:25 PM
I just left a position where I was doing duties not described initially, dealing with a home that was not as described (clean etc) and working longer hours than advertised and agreed to. The mom told me her son was potty trained and then in passing several stays later told me he does everything but wipe himself, among other things that made this a difficult position. I adored her kids and wish I could have continued but other circumstances made it a very stressful situation. I quit with over a weeks notice and now she is claiming I didn't even give her a nights notice among other outrageous claims and is holding my last check until she "gets to it." I am disheartened to say the least.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 08, 2011 at 07:08 PM
Hi Jeanine,
You can request a Nanny contract if you makes you feel comfortable - especially since the job is 4 months out. You can get more information here: http://www.care.com/child-care-all-about-the-nanny-contract-p1017-q14699.html
Feel free to ask our Nanny Expert, Neysa as well. She's featured in today's blog: http://blog.care.com/scoop/2011/03/best-nanny-advice-and-more-from-neysa-the-nanny-expert.html
Good luck!
Posted by: The Care.com Team | March 09, 2011 at 10:27 AM
I have a LOT to say on this topic, however I need to prepare for a job interview tomorrow. I'll be back. :)
Posted by: Valerie | May 11, 2011 at 09:03 PM
I have been babysitting a family of two for 3 months now. the kids do not listen to me and talk back to me all of the time. I checked the babysitter pay calculator and they do not pay me nearly as much as they should be. I would be fine with that if the kids actually listened to me! I am currently looking for a new position, but if I find one I don't know how to tell the family I want to quit. They think their kids are angels and do nothing wrong. I have told them a few times they didn't listen very well today and they say "ok we will talk to them", but it is the same thing the next day. I don't know what to do!
Posted by: Anonymous | June 06, 2011 at 08:58 AM
I have a good job at hand for the past two years.My Problem is that is a jew/ orthodox fam. that have many holidays tru the year and very extended vacations in the Summer.She does not want to pay for any of them exept for a week pay vacation a year.Since I work a 10 hours 4.1/2=45hrs a week and get pay a rate of $15hr ,I can make up for the holidays with the Monday's half a daytime, but she wants to keep me all year round only that she is not willing to pay the vacation time they take off that is from June 15 tru August when the kids get back to school.I live from my work,is the only source of inmcome I have to find a temporary job at such short notice is hard when I mention to her that am able to work tru the year with out any reguards she said is irrelevant to her because I work an hourly job still don't want to argue but I need to approch this the right way;Can you suggest me what to do or how to handle the situation?
Posted by: Maria I Chavez | June 15, 2011 at 02:43 PM
I recently was hired to do a job where I had to do some public speaking. I'm very good at it, though I hadn't done it for awhile. I am still in a training period, and during one of my lectures, I was interrupted 3 times by my co-worker in the next room, which was separated by a temporary wall. We both had a large number of people in a very small space, so we were pretty much competing for who could get their messages across to each class. I became distracted, confused, flustered, and very nervous, as this particular person is easily annoyed and passive aggressive towards me, and is in no way interested in seeing me succeed. Complaints were made about me, but I took the entirety of the blame, but did not mention I was disrupted by the co-worker. Should I tell my boss about everything that happened that day, or move on? I haven't been scheduled for anymore work since this incident, and am getting the feeling I'm about to be let go. Some wise words of wisdom please?
Posted by: Peppie Pegeen | June 21, 2011 at 03:51 AM
I have several questions? They are general but also related to the topic in the article:
(1) Where do you get a legal contract to fill out?
(2a) When is the need for a lawyer? -Not for problems only, but before they arise; for information, legal papers (?), etc. as a nanny/babysitter position?
(2b) What type of lawyer would/should I be looking for/talking with?
(3) Who/where should I talk to/go to find out about legalalities -if that's a word :)- if thinking about childcare done in my home?
I'd like to be as professional as possible, but have things in order to protect and look out for all parties. Whether things change at some point, or just for some extra hours in addition to my full time. I just really feel at a loss since I don't know where to start or go to for any of this. I would really like to stay as an independent contractor if a family doesn't want to become my employer (legally and financially speaking), instead of being hired on with an agency. So that way I have more control of working with the parents and get more of my deserved pay.
Posted by: Courtney | July 28, 2011 at 12:22 AM