T+T: I’m a cat and, while, sure, I’ve been called “aloof” once or twice, I’m really a teddy bear! I’ve got a big heart—and nothing breaks it faster than a crying kitten. But the little one my Humans brought home last week won’t stop! What can they do to comfort her? My neighbors have a new puppy, and he cries, too—so I know its not a cat thing. Any ideas? What can Humans do about puppies and kittens crying?

Tucker: Poor little dudes and dudettes! Why are they crying? Did they watch Beaches?

Tabby: That’s the first question. I mean, not whether they watched Beaches, but rather, why they’re crying.

Tucker: Oh, right. I see where you’re goin’ with this. You should take them to the doc!

Tabby: Right. Find out if there’s an underlying medical issue behind the crying. If not, the veterinarian may suggest spaying/neutering, since that can reduce crying.

Tucker: Greater good, greater good.

Tabby: After that, according to eHow.com, you should actually ignore the crying…

Tucker: Mean!

Tabby: I wasn’t done.

Tucker: Oh, sorry. Imma let you finish.

Tabby: …Ignore the crying while keeping the puppy or kitten nearby so he doesn’t feel alone.

Tucker: Ah, much better. Pups sometimes cry at night because they don’t want to go to the bathroom in their crate, but they’ve really gotta go! Y’know? So don’t give a puppy food or water within a few hours of bedtime.

Tabby: And, especially in the case of a crying kitten, consider adopting a second kitten to keep the first company.

Tucker: The case of the crying kitten! We cracked the case!

T+T: I’m a dog, and I’m not going to call myself old or anything, but I’m no spring chicken. Mmmm, spring chicken… Anyway, Tucker, I know you hear me, bro. Well, now my Humans want to adopt a puppy. How can they intro the little dude to our house without him driving me totally insane—and I mean that in the nicest possible way? I’m sure there are some cats who can relate, too. So what should Humans do when introducing a new puppy or kitten to an older dog or cat?

Tucker: New friends are awesome and all, and I love to play, but I’ve been around the block a few times—you know what I mean? Puppies jump on me and pull my ears, and I mean, I’m a nice guy, but I’ve got my limits like anyone else. Enough is enough!

Tabby: Okay, rule number one—and the Humane Society agrees—never leave an adult dog and a puppy unsupervised until you’re 100% confident the puppy’s not in any danger.

Tucker: I’m not saying I would go postal. But some dogs might. Another way to avoid that is introducing the older dog and the younger dog at a neutral spot instead of at the place the older dog sees as “hers.” It’s a territory thing. You have to be a dog to get it. And, if all else fails, reward the dogs for good behavior!

Tabby: Dogs will be dogs. And let them: They’ll want to greet and sniff each other, but after a short time—before the introduction has a chance to escalate to aggression—distract them by giving the older dog commands she knows like “sit” and “stay.”

Tucker: For which you shall give her treats. Like I said.

Tabby: And, if you’re at all concerned that the introduction isn’t going well, involve an animal behavior specialist immediately, before it gets worse.

Tucker: Now here’s a shocker: As challenging as it can be with dogs, it can be even harder with cats!

Tabby: Listen. We like things the way we like them, okay?

Tucker: Many adoption agencies actually ask that you adopt two kittens at once when they’re most open to companionship because introducing a kitten to an older cat may not go over all that great. If you do want to add a kitten to your house, and you already have a cat, just don’t expect them to be besties.

Tabby: For the best odds of the older cat tolerating the kitten, make the introduction slowly. According to the Humane Society, keep the kitten in a smaller separate room with all of her essentials for a week. Place their food bowls by each side of the door so they can learn to eat together in peace.

Tucker: Maybe they’ll even play with each other under the door!

Tabby: Maybe. Give the kitten some bedding, a towel, for example, used by the older cat and vice versa, so they get used to each other’s smells. Keep the older cat in the smaller room while the kitten explores the rest of your home for a little while. And be sure not to ignore either cat throughout the whole introduction process.

Tucker: Everyone knows Leos hate to be ignored!

Tabby: If, when you finally introduce them face-to-face, it doesn’t go well, you may need to start the whole process from the beginning. But, as always, if there’s ever any doubt, call a professional for help.

Tucker: No shame in it!

T+T: Human here. I’m adopting a kitten, and I’ve never had a kitten before. Will it be hard to get her to use the litter box? Any tips on litter-training a kitten?

Tucker: Finally, a question about cat-training instead of dog-training!

Tabby: And isn’t this interesting? According to WebMD, using a litter box is pretty much instinct for cats!

Tucker: Well, not exactly, Babe. You need to be given a box filled about half way with kitty litter that’s easy to get in and out of and away from heavy foot traffic…

Tabby: That’s true, we can’t GO TO THE STORE TO BUY IT OURSELVES. But we’ll take it from there! Just drop the kitten in the box after naps and meals and watch us start to scratch and dig and do our business and bury it. HOW IS THERE ANY QUESTION ABOUT WHICH IS THE SUPERIOR SPECIES?

T+T: I’m a cat, and my Humans recently adopted a puppy. Why he can’t just use a litter box like I do is beyond me—but how can my Humans housebreak the puppy? He peed on the pillow where I usually sleep!

Tabby: Housebreaking can be a long, difficult process.

Tucker: You’re telling me; I still have the occasional accident! Puppies are people, too!

Tabby: Wow, talk about shocking. So you’ll need to manage your expectations and be extremely patient.

Tucker: Find your inner zen! Life with a dog can’t be all kisses and puppy-dog eyes—am I right or am I right?

Tabby: According to the Humane Society, a puppy can control his bladder one hour for every month of age. Three months old? He can “hold it” for three hours.

Tucker: Max.

Tabby: That’s true. It would be ideal to let him out for a chance to go every two hours from two months old on. Every time you take him out, use a leash and lead him to the same spot: his “bathroom.”

Tucker: His “porcelain throne.”

Tabby: Give him a command, the way you do for “sit,” “stay,” “come,” and so on.

Tucker: I prefer “Do your thang.”

Tabby: And reward him immediately after he goes where he’s supposed to go—not a few minutes later when you get inside the house. After even just a minute’s pause, dogs can’t make the connection.

Tucker: When accidents happen—and, hey, that’s why it’s an expression… ‘cause they do!—try to catch him in the act and take him outside to finish. Then reward him! With a treat! We love treats—have I mentioned we love treats?

Tabby: Clean up any soiled areas thoroughly so he doesn’t associate the smell with thinking that spot is his new—

Tucker: Porcelain throne…

Tabby: Right, and never punish a puppy or rub his nose in his mistakes; he won’t understand.

Tucker: All right, they get it! We’re slow! Dogs are slow!

Tabby: You’re not slow. You’re just dogs.

T+T: I’m a human, and I’m so excited to bring home a new puppy this weekend! I want to keep him safe, though. What can I do to puppy-proof my house before bringing home my new puppy?

Tucker: Ah, puppies, those little rascals!

Tabby: They may be cute, but they sure have a way of finding trouble.

Tucker: Trouble with a capital “T” that rhymes with “P” that stands for “puppy!”

Tabby: The Music Man—it’s one of my favorites!

Tucker: Huh?

Tabby: Never mind. So that’s why you have to puppy-proof your home—to help your puppy keep herself safe in her new home. According to Ridgewood Veterinary Hospital in New Jersey, most houses are filled with hazards. You just may not know it. Medications, rat poison, pesticides and antifreeze may be obvious hazards. But what about cut flowers like lilies, tulips and azaleas? Did you know they’re toxic to dogs, too?

Tucker: Tulips?? But they’re so perty!

Tabby: There are many other “perty” but toxic plants, too; the full list is on the ASPCA’s Web site. Additionally—similar to human babies—puppies could get themselves in dangerous situations around toilets, electrical cords, fireplaces, open doors to the outdoors, and washer/dryers. And they should never have access to tobacco products, harmful foods like chocolate, grapes, raisins, onions, artificial sweetneers… even socks, nylons, underwear, and dental floss.

Tucker: But but… my oral hygiene!

T+T: You’ve gotta help me out! I live with a dog, and she freaks out whenever we’re home alone. Her separation anxiety is outta control! What’s the best way to deal with a dog’s separation anxiety? What can my Humans do to get her to chill?!

Tucker: Isn’t there an expression about this? “Separation anxiety is the ultimate form of flattery?”

Tabby: All well and good until the neighbors complain about his barking and howling, he shreds your couch, and uses your bed as a toilet.

Tucker: Oh yeah, that would suck.

Tabby: It “sucks” for him, too, because he’s really just trying to tell you he’s depressed, even panicked, about you leaving, according to the ASPCA.

Tucker: What a bummer!

Tabby: For everyone, right—so here are a few ideas: First, take your dog to the vet to make sure the behavior isn’t due to any other medical issues. Next, if the separation anxiety isn’t severe, they say to try a food-dispensing toy that gives him treats after you’ve left; that way you’re essentially rewarding your dog for good behavior while you’re not there.

Tucker: Treats. Now you’re speakin’ my language!

Tabby: Other things to keep in mind are that transitioning into separation periods—having him be alone a little bit at a time—can ease his anxiety. Dog-sitters can help to bridge the gap. And all greetings—both hellos and goodbyes—should be calm.

Tucker: Calm. No longer speaking my language.

T+T: Dog here. I admit it: I’m an emotional eater. While I know recognizing the problem and saying it out loud—man, that felt good!—is half the battle, what can I do to lose a few? How can a dog (or cat!) lose weight?

Tucker: You know what’s great? Kibble is great! And treats are great! And table scraps!

Tabby: You know what’s not great? Obesity in dogs because you know what else is not great? Canine diabetes and arthritis! As a matter of fact, Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan says somewhere between 25 and 40 percent of dogs are overweight. He suggests switching to a weight-management food, offering fewer snacks, and giving your dog more exercise.

Tucker: Play more!

Tabby: …And eat less. But you should consult your veterinarian before implementing your own diet plan. The same goes for overweight cats. And, unlike some humans believe, being an outdoor cat versus being an indoor cat is not a solution to feline obesity—in fact, it can actually contribute to the problem because outdoor cats have the freedom to hunt for additional food to what they’re served at home or, more likely, to eat out of neighbors’ garbage cans. But—whadya know?—obesity is less common in cats, as, according to the ASPCA we have a better ability to regulate how much we eat. In other words, we have more self-control.

Tucker: Well, I saw a picture in the local paper the other day with the caption “Fat Cat.” See what they did there? Hilarious!

Tabby: Har. Har. Har. I am so amused. Har har har.

Tabby: Regardless, of where you’re going…

Tucker: Vegas, Baby! Vegas!

Tabby: …The ASPCA has some smart tips for traveling with your pet.

Tucker: To Vegas!

Tabby: …Or anywhere else. For example, pack extra bottled water so you can keep us well-hydrated and never ever leave us in a parked vehicle; we could overheat or freeze to death.

Tucker: I wish I could stick my head out the window during the drive, but that’s unsafe, too, right, Tabs?

Tabby: That’s uncharacteristically mature of you, Tucker. That’s correct. During car rides, pets should travel in the backseat in a crate or while harnessed to a seatbelt. Don’t forget vaccination records and a first-aid kit. And, speaking of health, feeding us while the car is moving may or may not be dangerous, but it’s probably not healthy.

Tucker: Who wants to be Pukey McPukerton?

Tabby: Couldn’t have said it better myself. Oh, wait… yes, I could have.

T+T: This is from a canine-feline pair of BFFs. We live together, and our Humans cannot for the life of them find toys that work for us! What should we subtly—pull up the Web page, leave a mag clipping on their pillow, you know the drill—tell them to buy for us next? Are there good indestructible dog toys and what are the best toys for cats?

Tucker: New toys, all right! I pull ‘em and I rip ‘em and I mangle ‘em and I show ‘em who’s boss! ME! Chew toys and plush toys and tennis balls and soccer balls don’t stand a chance against these power jaws, grrr!

Tabby: Fair enough, so what toys can stand up to you, Tough Guy?

Tucker: Not many! But have you heard of Kong? Fill that one with peanut butter, stick it in the freezer for a while, and OH, does that thing frustrate me… but in a good way! Lemme at it! I’ll get to that peanut butter, I will, I will, I will! And there are a few rope toys that are built stronger than others; those are really fun for tug-o-war games AND they floss my pearly whites! Dura Chew bones are worth a shot, too, but I’m tellin’ you—I play ruff!

Tabby: This is where I’d usually roll my eyes…

Tucker: What else is new?

Tabby: But I must admit my toys don’t have it easy either.

Tucker: Go get ‘em, Tiger!

Tabby: String, yarn, dental floss, rubberbands, and ribbon may look like cat toys, but they’re actually extremely dangerous. I much prefer pouncing on mouse toys and lightweight ball toys, attacking laser lights on the floor or the wall, batting at feathers… I even love crumpled paper balls, paper bags, and cardboard boxes. And everything is better with catnip! Catnip, catnip, I just love the way it makes me feel, mmm, purrrrr…

Tucker: Wow, I’ve never seen this side of you… Hot!

Tucker: How about I tell ‘em what to buy for dogs and you tell ‘em what to buy for cats?

Tabby: How about I tell them what to buy for both cats and dogs?

Tucker: Cool then. Cool.

Tabby: Your dog starter kit entails dog food—or puppy food if you’re getting a puppy—as well as a food and water bowl. You’ll need a collar and a leash, a dog crate and bedding, a brush, nail clippers, a toothbrush, shampoo, ear-cleaning solution, an ID tag, and some safe chew toys. You also may want to pick up “sour apple” spray to keep your puppy from chewing on furniture and other items around the house and a travel seatbelt for the car.

Tucker: You’ve got it all under control, Tabs. You’re rockin’ it.

Tabby: Cats aren’t terribly different… from a supplies perspective, that is… though, we’re, of course, much lower maintenance.

Tucker: Good one! …Oh, sorry, I thought you were kidding.

Tabby: We need cat food—or kitten food if you’re getting a kitten—plus a food bowl and a water bowl. We need a litter box, a scratching post, and some fun toys. And, other than that, we just need a brush and nail clippers. It would be nice to have a mat outside the litter box to cut down on litter tracking and a cat bed, but those are just bonus.

Tucker: You nailed it.

Tabby: Whatever would I do without you?