Guests do the darnedest things. They complain endlessly, make odd demands, and generally act boorish.

I recently called a friend to offer my compliments on his son's wonderful bar mitzvah, and he told me some of the faux pas visited upon his family in the days before and during his son's once-in-a-lifetime milestone:

One cousin had a balky thermostat in her hotel room -- and called him instead of the hotel staff to complain.

Another obnoxious family member would not travel without her dog and insisted on boarding "Princess" at his house while the bar mitzvah was in progress.

And an in-law complained that the appetizers and sit-down five-course meal included nothing she could eat.

"Why can't people just show up and shut up?" my dear friend Jonathan asked. "Is that so hard to do?"

Apparently for some people it is.

I'm reminded of this as you head to your holiday gatherings and New Year celebrations this week. I'm not sure why in the face of someone else's birthday party, holiday gathering, baby shower, wedding, graduation party or first communion, people feel the need to critique the hospitality they've been offered.

You pay for a steak dinner at a restaurant and the filet comes to the table medium instead of rare, by all means, send it back. The first act of a high-priced Broadway show leaves you snoring, go ahead and write a snippy Facebook post if you must. Your neighbor's daughter decides to get married on a farm, complete with hayride, square-dancing and barbecue supper, you have two choices: Put on a prairie skirt and join the fun or feign another engagement and send your best wishes. You do not have the right to go and complain about the choice of venue, the hay in your shoes, the messy entrée or the disposable dinnerware.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think the altruistic suck-it-up spirit is disappearing. Whatever happened to sit down and shut up? I know I'm not a mother-in-law yet. I don't have the family dinner where I desperately want to know when grandkids are coming or what my daughter-in-law is doing with her hair. But I hear these things at the office. And I have to warn all you cranky dinner guests: Keep it to yourselves. Want to complain about the heat? Go put on a sweater. Thinking about fussing with the cooking? Bring a granola bar. If you're going to say something -- anything -- make sure it's positive.

And whether you're going to a wedding or a hay-ride, consider these five general rules:

1. It's not about you. The family hosting the celebration wants you to have a good time. However, they are busy and likely a little overwhelmed. Take some responsibility for your own comfort, arrangements and needs. If you need special accommodations (need, not want) ask when you accept or politely decline the invitation.

To read more of this post from Jody Gastfriend, LICSW, read her blog at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jody-gastfriend/holiday-guests-advice_b_2341282.html

Sometimes, the changing patterns of a loved one's behavior are barely noticable, until , in one moment,they are all you can see. For me, it was during the holidays, when my dad wandered away from a family gathering and emerged hours later, disheveled and upset.

"Where were you?" my mother asked, aghast at dad's unexplained disappearance.

"I went to pick up my dry cleaning," he said, empty-handed and on foot. It was then that my family put together a worrisome pattern of missed appointments, driving difficulties and memory lapses -- the early signs of dementia.

For my friend Maggie, there was no pattern of behaviors pointing in an ominous direction -- just a phone call.

"My husband and I were having a fight over something stupid," she explains. "I was so pissed off I almost didn't hear the phone ring. When Mom told me about her diagnosis, pancreatic cancer, I couldn't speak. All the problems that were swirling around in my head suddenly seemed inconsequential. My world caved in on me and I didn't know where to turn."

Though our circumstances differed, Maggie and I both found ourselves in a role we were not quite ready for -- how to develop a care plan that's best for our families' needs. As I talked about in my previous post on how to spot warning signs related to your parents' well-being, these challenges often spike around the holidays when adult children visit their aging parents and are confronted with a new normal.

Something has changed -- mom is more frail, dad more forgetful -- and the caregiver torch gets passed from one generation to the next. If you find yourself in this role, you don't have to go it alone. Consider the following pointers to plan ahead and ease the journey:

Do Your Research

If you're out of town, who might check in on Mom or Dad in a storm or after a treatment? Who might be able to bring a nice meal over from time to time? Think about building a network of neighborly resources. Not available? Learn about the local senior center and home care agencies where your parent might enjoy a class, access transportation or find companionship. And consider identifying these resources now before a care crisis erupts, just in case you need more support at a later time.

Form a Team

If you have siblings, air your concerns before discussing them with your parents. The annual holiday dinner, when everyone is gathered together, is not the best time to broach the topic. Instead, come up with a plan to hold a family meeting. Agree to communicate as a unified front and hear each other's perspectives with an open mind; letting conflicts simmer at the surface will only derail your efforts.

To read more of this post from Jody Gastfriend, LICSW, read her blog at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jody-gastfriend/seniors-and-the-holidays-_b_2258117.html