The nanny cam topic started buzzing on our Working Mom message board recently. And guess what? Most people commenting either had a camera installed – or were looking to buy one. I was shocked.

It's not that I don't understand why people have them. There is someone in your house – with your most prized possession -- your kids. It's hard to trust people sometimes, no matter how many background checks you've run or references you've checked. This isn't something you want to take a chance on.

But I'd never do it.

I believe in trust and open communication. I believe in creating a dialogue with a nanny and letting him or her know you are partners in caring for your child. I believe that if someone doesn't feel right, if the kids aren't responding well to the nanny or if the ideas and projects the nanny said she'd do with kids aren't being produced - then it's time to move on. I believe your instinct will tell you more than a camera will.

But if you have a nanny cam, or feel strongly about getting one before you hire a nanny, please be upfront about it. Think about it this way: You are starting a relationship that should be built around trust and openness. While this person should be constantly proving themselves to you, there should always be a level of respect and appreciation for their work. Hiding a nanny cam does not send this message (they can often be found).

Instead, let your nanny know that you've installed security cameras in the house. It's up to them if they are comfortable with this or not. At least you've been upfront.

Just don't lower your radar because you have a camera. Nothing trumps the power of a strong gut feeling.

By now, you’ve probably seen the TIME magazine cover featuring a mom breastfeeding her preschool-aged son. It's attention-grabbing… to say the least.

While my first instinct is shock and pity for the future teenage boy who will never live this cover down, I do see the beauty in a mother’s ability to provide food and nourishment for her child – while creating an intense bond. But doing so on the cover of a national magazine seems to objectify the natural sweetness of a tender moment.

But here's what I'm really sick of. I can't take the Mommy Wars anymore. And by asking their audience "Are You Mom Enough?," the TIME editors seem to be feeding into women’s insecurities – which is exactly what gives magazines a bad name. They are pitting moms against each other, when we should be working together as mothers who are inspiring and building the next generation.

Attachment Moms, Working Moms, Stay at Home Moms, Permissive Moms, Tiger Moms, Helicopter Moms… let’s take a stand. Let’s agree to disagree. We all want the same thing. We are working to create well cared for, kind, loving, hard-working children. We want strong relationships with our kids. We want them to respect their elders, say "thank you" to strangers, and give seniors an extra hand. We all want them to feel loved and grow up to give this love in return. We want them to be strong and confident, but listen and learn from an opposing viewpoint. And we want them to know how much we love them.

So whether you breastfeed, co-sleep, wear a sling or push a carriage; whether you work, stay at home, have a nanny, home school, or spank, I am promising that I won't judge you. I won’t judge because I know you are just trying to do your best. We’re in this together. And if we tear each other down, we’re just wasting too much energy. Energy that we could spend on our families.

How does this TIME cover make you feel? What does it mean to be "Mom Enough" in your eyes?

"But how did the baby get in her belly?"

This was the question a 3-year old boy asked his nanny. They were at a play date with the boy’s friend and her nanny, who was pregnant. There was a lot of baby talk. But the boy wanted to start from the beginning – how did it get there?!

As funny and innocent as this question may seem, the nanny still felt a good deal of fear – and dread. "How do the parents want me to handle this?"

"It grows inside the mommy’s belly" she replied confidently. This answer worked – for about an hour.

While we can laugh about kids asking about sex, anatomy and other hot topics, it’s also a really good idea to figure out how you want to answer these questions – and bring your nanny or babysitter on board.  Will you be using anatomical names? Will you want to discreetly ignore the hard-hitting questions? Tell stories of the stork, explain conception – or pick something in between?

The thing is, sometimes our babysitters and nannies are our biggest ally in difficult conversations. They can seek clues to what your child is learning about from friends, they can act as role models, shaping their confidence and sense of self-worth, and they can reinforce what you are teaching your kids about life. They can also provide a little stability if the difficult conversation is focused around divorce, death or a local tragedy.

I like to remind parents to consider your nanny or babysitter as part of your parenting team. If you are interviewing candidates, think to yourself "Is this someone I want on my squad?", "Is this someone who can handle answering difficult questions with ease?", "Is this someone I want teaching my child?" If not, keep searching.

What hot topics has your child asked you – or your nanny lately? How have you answered? And have you talked to your nanny about how to handles these types of conversations?

On a more serious note, we encourage to you to read through our Difficult Conversation series and learn strategies for talking to kids about uncomfortable topics.

I hear the conversation all the time: "I can’t believe she did that." "No, please tell me she didn’t!" The villain they're referring to? The Mother-in-law.

We all know how the in-law relationship is often strained. And it only gets worse when grandkids come into the picture. In-laws "swoop-in," give unsolicited parenting advice, comment on how over -- or under --protective you are. But they also babysit, buy the babies necessities, and love us unconditionally.

When I hear these conversations, often in the Care.com kitchen, I have to remind my staff that this is all done out of love. "And control" someone might say. True, it's really a control-tug-of-war, and you're on the other side.

But at least once a year we get the question: Should I have my mother-in-Law be my nanny? And here's what I say: If there's tension, any type of uncomfortable vibe that might make you less of an A-game parent, or might hurt your relationship with your partner, I have to suggest you look elsewhere.

It's just too complicated. Parents need to hire someone who they can direct and manage, not someone who will say "but when I changed your diapers, I did it this way" or "we always put blankets on you in the crib." When it comes to your baby, you are the boss. If an in-law doesn’t take direction well (ice cream for breakfast, no TV restrictions), you will either spend your days being angry – or have to fire your partner's parent.

And that's awkward.

Now, as a mom of two boys, and a future mother-in-law one day, I can’t promise you I won’t be some lovely young woman’s "Monster-in-law." But what I can promise you is that I won't be their nanny!

So tell me, what can you promise you won't do as a future in-law?

If you read the recent New York Times Magazine article on nannies receiving 6 figure salaries, you may have been as shocked as I was – you may have even considered a career change!

But I have to tell you that this salary range is not the norm. In fact, it's a little disheartening to hear. This is the type of data that gives "having a nanny" the sense that it is a child care privilege only the wealthiest families can afford.  And we all know that's not true.

Nanny.org states that the average nanny brings home $600 a week ($31,200) – before taxes. And in many cases, a family with multiple children finds having a nanny is more cost-effective than daycare.

So who are these nannies who make more than some doctors? And what do they do with children that make them worth so much more than our nannies? The answer: nothing. The agency that places these high earners says that they are often asked to be more like Personal Assistants.  They do things like: chauffeur 32-foot motorboats, manage art collections, wash and press up to fifty sheets and tablecloths a day, prepare 4-course gourmet meals and work with bankers to give summaries of financial statements. One even had to drive a Zamboni to clean the outside ice rink. The agency also mentioned that part of the high-salary includes working around the clock.

I know we often think more expensive things are "better." I have friends who refuse sale items because they must not be as good as the full priced options. But when it comes to nannies, let's not miss the part about taking care of the children. I ask you to go home early one day this week and peek in on your kids playing with their caregiver. See them in action. Watch your nanny do what you hired her for – to care for your kids.

And maybe the next time you’re running an errand, you can pick up a token of appreciation for your nanny. A gift card to the movies, a restaurant, or a manicure.  Give her a small thank you for committing to your family – and let her know that her contributions are priceless.


Related Articles

How to Determine the Right Salary for Your Caregiver

How Much Should You Pay Your Sitter

A colleague at Care.com recently had an issue with her son’s friend getting bullied.

It started as a rhyme. The kids were rhyming their names and one boy didn’t like it. Two of the kids decided it would be funny to call him his "rhyme name" purely because it upset him. And it became a taunting chant.

The boy got upset. And more kids joined in, including my colleague's son. They chanted and teased him to tears.

The most shocking part: They were 3 years old.

This is how bullying begins. Now, we could take this example and say that kids will be kids and this is how they learn to stand up for themselves. That they need to learn to stand up for themselves.

But I feel we need to take this example and say that kindness needs to be taught as young as three. And anti-bullying campaigns need to be implemented as early as preschool. This is why we have partnered with Clear Channel Media and The Weinstein Company to promote the March 30^th release of Bully, an incredibly powerful documentary of 5 families trying to transform how schools and communities respond to the deadly issue of bullying.  For every person who watches the trailer on ClearChannel.com, Care.com will donate to FacingHistory.org, an educational resource that works in schools to "combat prejudice with compassion, indifference with participation, and myth and misinformation with knowledge."

Bullying has become a common word these days. It affects 13 million kids a year. As parents, we are aware: We know to look for the signs they’re being bullied, check in on their social media activity, ask them questions. But how can we prevent it?

We need to teach our kids to be good friends, stand up for those who are getting picked on, and no longer look the other way if someone is being mistreated or is suffering.  Ask the shy kid to sit with you, tell a mean girl she’s a bully, befriend someone who looks like they could use a friend.

It’s this empowerment that we can start early, as early as preschool. It also needs to be a group effort. Get the nanny, grandparents, neighbors and parents on board to help spot – and stop – bullying.

With the launch of Bully and President Obama encouraging bullied children to speak up, all of this media attention is only a good thing. It creates more awareness, prevention strategies and conversation. It’s always a good idea to check in with ourselves – and ask: How are we are raising our children, protecting the bullied, and looping in our babysitters and nannies to help us fight this battle? Get more anti-bullying resources at care.com/bullying.

How are you teaching your child to be a good friend?

Related Articles:

Teaching Your Child about Special Needs

What to Do if Your Child is a Bully

When the "Mean Girl" Phase Starts